Gathering Financial Documents for Divorce

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Most likely, your divorce attorney will request numerous financial documents for divorce settlement negotiations. These documents are important because they will serve as the basis for fairly dividing your property and debts.

Getting your financial paperwork organized as soon as possible is crucial because key documents can disappear or you may not get access to them once the divorce has started. Below are suggestions on what documents you’ll need and where to search for them. 


How Good Records can Help Secure a Fair Divorce Settlement

By Brian D. Joslyn, Esq., Ohio family law attorney   

Divorces are emotional and challenging, all of us know that and have seen them play out at various times throughout our lives. That said, just because you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse have decided to separate and pursue a divorce, doesn’t mean it has to be a long drawn out (and costly) brawl in the legal system. As WomansDivorce.com has mentioned before, controlling the costs of a divorce is in the best interest of both parties and your estate. 

Below I’ll go over all the elements you should try to secure before your filing for the best opportunity at a fair divorce settlement. Also, this isn’t about greed, it’s about being able to establish your next chapter in life with your equity from your former chapter. 

Obtain Financial Records (and Make Sure None Are Concealed) 

Woman going over financial documents for divorce

Let’s face it, finances are one of the key factors in a divorce and oftentimes they are the most contested element of settlement negotiations, along with child custody.

To ensure you have a fair opportunity for your share of the communal estate, you need to know everything about you and your spouse’s finances. Keep in mind that many couples combine their assets early in a marriage, which often leaves only one person with easy transparency to certain accounts, benefits, and records. 

If you’re uncertain if you have complete insight to your finances, we recommend you review the following checklist and seek to acquire the appropriate account information and details while you’re planning for divorce: 

  • Bank statements 
  • Tax returns 
  • Pay stubs 
  • Credit reports 
  • Mortgage and loan documents 
  • 401(k), IRA, and other investment account statements 
  • List of all liabilities (cars, credit cards, loans) 
  • Insurance policies 
  • List of personal property and any ownership records 

We highly recommend that you make physical copies of all of these financial documents for divorce and take photos of the copies you made, so you have a digital back-up in the event something happens to the originals. 

Depending on how long your divorce proceedings take, these figures could change, but probably only slightly, so having a benchmark for you and your legal team’s use is a wise decision. In the same grain, this allows you to confirm the account numbers, login credentials, and any pending notices you two may have. 

Finding Concealed Assets (if They Exist)

If you’ve successfully collected and reviewed the financial records above, you most likely have a good understanding of your financial situation. However, we have seen instances where one partner has been performing odd transactions that don’t add up. If you see any of the patterns below, it could be worth your time to probe your financial institutions further: 

1. ATM Withdrawals 

We’ve had clients whose partner performed ATM withdrawals on a regular basis, which normally didn’t raise any red flags, but under new scrutiny appear more suspect. While smaller withdrawals might not seem like much, they can certainly add up, definitely if performed over years and at regular intervals. If you notice any of these patterns, we’d recommend looking into it further, as it can lead you to question your spouse and their use of shared funds all these years. 

2. Credit Reports

Commonly, one partner might “handle the finances” because they enjoy those kinds of tasks or have business dealings that suggest they can be trusted with such tasks. For most couples, that’s true, but not all. It could be a good idea to review your credit report to check for any activity that might seem abnormal.

There have been countless times where one spouse has opened up a credit card in both parties’ names but they’re the only one who is using that credit card. If you discover something similar, bring this to your legal team’s attention as it can be a sign of fraud or, pending no finding of fraud, you’d be liable for those debts too. 

3. Tax Returns:  

There’s the old saying, “nothing is certain but death and taxes” and there’s a reason for that – don’t mess with the IRS. Most upstanding citizens do whatever they can to stay on the good side of the Federal government and the IRS, since fraudulent filings often lead to jail time. It’s really easy to obtain your tax documents online, which is why we recommend you review those documents.

One example I’ve seen is where a spouse had a bank or investment account that paid interest but their partner was none the wiser. This was the canary in the coal mine to alert them their spouse had assets previously undisclosed and private from the union. 

4. Business Documents: 

If your partner has a business that you’re not overly involved with, you likely don’t know the ins and outs of their balance sheet. Many family businesses such as limited liability companies (LLC) include both a schedule of assets and a schedule of transfers that have been made since the company’s inception. You can discover business assets that could have escaped your path earlier in the relationship, but oftentimes include real estate properties/offices and additional investments or tangible assets. 

Analyzing Your Financial Picture

Pending your spouse hasn’t exposed themselves via one of the fraudulent or perjury examples we noted above, you now have all the information you need to assess your portfolio for your pending divorce proceedings.   

One way to hedge your bets for an amicable divorce is to be really clear and by-the-book with your documentation. I recommend putting all of these figures together in a spreadsheet. For each asset, you indicate the asset type, the current ownership status, and current market valuation. This also applies to your debts, so you’ll need to note who is indebted, what is currently owned, and the terms for that repayment.

By having all of this in one easily accessible document for all parties to reference, paired with the digital and hardcopies you made earlier, you should be able to convey that you’ve done your due diligence. Not only does this show your depth of understanding for the situation, but you likely just saved yourself a lot of money by being able to expedite the process. 

After Your Divorce

Now that the ink has dried and you’re officially single again, our hope is that your experience was as amicable as possible. No matter how it played out with your ex, you were prepared and a big silver lining to your efforts is that you now have a comprehensive understanding of your finances. While your future might be uncertain (and that’s a good thing) at least your finances won’t be! Keep your portfolio up to date and good luck in your next chapter of life. 


Brian D. Joslyn is the founder of the Joslyn Law Firm with offices throughout Ohio. He is a family law and divorce attorney in Columbus, OH who has helped many clients navigate the legal complexities of divorce, child custody, spousal support, and division of property. Brian has seen far too many bitter divorces, so he always encourages amicable and speedy solutions for the sake of all parties involved. 


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When to Ask and How to Prepare for a Guardian Ad Litem – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and St. Charles divorce attorney Dylan Briggs discuss the potential role of a Guardian Ad Litem in a divorce case.

Mr. Trout and Mr. Briggs review the scenarios in which a GAL might be utilized during a case and offer tips for asking for one to be assigned as well as how to work with one.

Click the link below to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

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Small Business Valuation in Divorce

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By Attorney Steven A. Harris 

Many times when couples get divorced, one or both of them are running a small business and have no clue what the value of it is or if it even has any value whatsoever. People don’t think of their business as an asset when they go to get divorced, but tend to think of it in terms of how much money they bring home from it each month. The value of the business and the amount the owner actually brings home each month are two completely different things and it is important to realize this when beginning the divorce process.

Small business valuation spreadsheet

So how much is my business worth? Well, determining how much a small business is worth requires several considerations including clarity on how the business was formed, whose money went into it, and what the spouses (and any other owners) want to do with the business going forward.

If the business is just owned by one or both of the spouses then determining who will ‘keep it’ after the divorce can sometimes be an easy decision for the parties. However, when other people beyond the former spouses have an ownership interest in the business it can make the situation much more complex.

The potential for conflict increases in this situation and staff or employees may get confused about who will ultimately lead the company. It is a good idea for the former spouses to address their divorce by working out an agreement between themselves first. This will allow them to be a unified front in communicating their plans to the staff and other owners.

Avoid confrontations and giving up too much by making emotional decisions

A small business is a legal entity into which former spouses have contributed money, time, and effort. There is a very high likelihood that the two parties will not agree on the next steps for the business, even if no outside party has any ownership. 

A person who is getting a divorce should tell their attorney about their plans for the business from the beginning. They should get their attorney’s advice before entering into any agreement with their former spouse. A party’s attorney can work with them to negotiate effectively. It is important to avoid heated discussions and giving up too much as a result. 

Different approaches to small business valuation

The value of a business is what a buyer would pay to purchase it. The three primary methods of finding the amount are: 

  1. The income approach, which looks at what the buyer might be able to earn by purchasing the business; 
  2. The market approach, which looks at the sale price of companies that are similarly situated; and 
  3. The asset approach, which looks at the value of the assets used to operate the business. 

Typically, the asset approach is the most appropriate for businesses that the parties want to wind down while the others are more appropriate if one or both spouses intend to keep running the business. 

Business valuation during the COVID-19 pandemic

The uncertainty that the COVID-19 pandemic presents makes it difficult to estimate multiple figures. These include the future earnings of the business, the rate of return for investing in the business, and how much money the owner will need to deal with unexpected expenses. 

For example, the owners may not be able to purchase new equipment necessary to run the business with a loan open to them, like a Payroll Protection Plan loan. Business owners who want to wind down a company may be frustrated because certain assets decreased in value during the pandemic while labor and supply shortages increased the costs of operating the business. 

Former spouses who are struggling to make sense of what to do should hire a consultant who specializes in their type of business. The consultant can give them an idea of what similarly situated businesses are experiencing and the options available to them. This impartial advice is meant for both parties and will help the divorcing couple be on the same page in their decision-making as it pertains to the business. 

How to consider goodwill in the valuation

Determining the value of certain aspects of a business such as goodwill is tricky during the pandemic. Goodwill relates to factors like location, customer loyalty, longevity, revenue, number and types of clients, and the reputation of the business and it’s owner. In 2020, many businesses saw the approximate value of their goodwill plummet. Businesses saw interruptions in service, had difficulty obtaining the labor and supplies necessary to continue operations, and dealt with significant changes in customer patterns.

Former spouses who want to continue the business should pick a point when the business is operating in a stable fashion to determine the goodwill value. That lets them see where the company is in terms of its reputation, revenue, customer base, and other factors. 

The spouses should work through their differences and do everything possible to maintain a good reputation for themselves and the business during the divorce process. This means following state and local COVID-19 safety protocols, developing responsible social media policies, being sensitive to issues relating to diversity & inclusion, not fighting in front of customers, and welcoming customers back to the business.

Ownership options following divorce

The traditional three options relating to business ownership are for:

  1. one party to buy out the other;
  2. the parties to sell the business; or
  3. the parties to continue to co-own the business.

The first option has a big tax advantage. The sale of a business interest between spouses as part of a buyout is not considered a sale for tax purposes. Such a transfer is not taxed if it occurs within one year after the marriage ends. The transfer also is not taxed if it is related to the end of the marriage. To meet this criteria, the divorce or separation agreement must mandate the sale of the business interest and the transfer must occur within six years after the marriage ends. 

The second option of selling the business and splitting the proceeds is extremely popular. However, economic circumstances have changed so much that former spouses should expect some surprises. A business consultant can help the parties understand what has changed due to the pandemic and why. 

Continuing the business as co-owners is usually a good possibility if the former spouses have an amicable relationship. A former spouse should not consider this option if the other party has been verbally, financially, emotionally, or physically abusive. This is also not a good option if the primary managing party has a substance abuse issue.

There is also the option of winding down the business. If there is unmanageable debt resulting from the winding down of the business, then the spouses will need to have an honest discussion with a financial advisor and/or a local bankruptcy attorney to determine what options are available.

Consult with your business attorney during the process

Often, former spouses have previously retained an attorney for a small business before seeking a divorce. Whenever possible, they should involve that particular attorney in group discussions about the future of the business. The primary role of the attorney who previously advised the business is to explain arrangements and obligations relating to the business to all of the parties. This attorney can share the history of the company’s decisions and new information that will benefit both former spouses when the divorce is over. 

Bringing in this attorney in a consultant type of capacity can only help the parties in their valuation process since valuing a small business can be tricky under normal circumstances and are especially due to the ongoing pandemic and the economic climate both nationally and locally at the moment. 


Steven A. Harris is a divorce attorney in Huntsville, Alabama. He is also the owner of The Harris Firm LLC, a family law and bankruptcy firm with offices across the State of Alabama. He regularly writes informative articles about bankruptcy, family law and other topics and lives with his lovely wife of fifteen years.

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How Age Impacts Divorce – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Clearfield divorce attorney Melissa DeClue discuss the various ways age can impact divorce.

The issues you face in a divorce case can vary substantially depending on what stage of life you are going through. Learn how to properly prepare for family law matters regardless of your age.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

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Shawn Garrison is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell & Cordell UK. He has written countless pieces dealing with the unique child custody and divorce issues that men and fathers face. Through his work on CordellCordell.com, CordellCordell.co.uk, and DadsDivorce.com, Mr. Garrison has become an authority on the complexities of the legal experience and was a content creator for the YouTube series “Dad’s Divorce Live” and additional videos on both the Dad’s Divorce and Cordell & Cordell YouTube channels.

Mr. Garrison has managed the sites of these customers, and fostered the creation of several of their features, including the Cordell & Cordell attorney and office pages, the Dad’s Divorce Newsletter, and the Cordell & Cordell newsletter.




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5 Ways Meditation Helped Me to Heal From My Narcissistic Ex

heal from my narcissistic ex: woman in jeans and red shirt meditating by the ocean

 

Inhale. Exhale. Just focus on your breath. In. Out. Observe your thoughts. This is the practice of meditation, and it’s much easier said than done — especially when you’re married to a narcissist. After all, it’s hard to relax and attain inner peace when you’re walking on eggshells 24/7. And, when you feel you’re to blame for your partner’s negative actions, you don’t exactly want to be alone with your thoughts. Instead, you go numb in an effort to block it all out. At least, that’s what I did.

For four years I endured the rollercoaster that was our marriage. I guess I thought that my then-husband would eventually kick his narcissistic tendencies and put someone else first for a change. Time after time, I showed him grace, and time again he let me down. Eventually, the verbal abuse began to take its toll as I experienced low self-worth, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe if I wasn’t so hard to love, he wouldn’t be so angry or manipulative towards me.

When we finally divorced last year, I was still holding onto the belief that I was the problem. I’d made too many mistakes and didn’t deserve to be with someone like him. But I had it all turned around. It wasn’t me. It was him, and meditation helped me realize that.

5 Ways Meditation Helped Me to Heal From My Narcissistic Ex

In the weeks and months following our divorce, I committed to a consistent meditation practice in the name of self-care. I thought that it would give me some time alone to process this huge life change, but it gave me so much more. In fact, it’s helped me heal from my narcissistic ex in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined.

1. Awareness

Awareness is often the first step towards healing for those who’ve suffered narcissistic abuse. Because narcissists cause their victims to question their worth, I was completely unaware that my ex was manipulating and mistreating me.

I didn’t realize that his behavior was to blame until after we’d divorced and I’d begun meditating. By using the breath as a tool, I was able to observe my thoughts, feelings, and reactions and awaken to the truth — he was the problem.

2. Acceptance

Of course, awareness alone isn’t powerful enough to heal such deep wounds. I also had to accept that I had been abused. I was a victim and I needed time to heal, not just from the divorce, but from the years of mistreatment leading up to it.

Admitting that my ex had hurt me and that our marriage had fallen apart because of his selfishness might have been the most difficult part. However, meditation taught me to accept my pain and see it for what it truly is so I could finally move on.

3. Self-Compassion

Of course, you can’t have acceptance without self-compassion. Once I realized that I’d basically let my ex walk all over me, I immediately blamed myself, thereby reinforcing exactly what my ex had told me — it was all my fault. It wasn’t until I forgave myself and practiced self-compassion that I could accept these experiences.

In the same way, meditation teaches us to observe without judgment. What is simply is. You can’t change the past, but you do have the power over the now. So grant yourself a second chance and choose a different path — one that’s more enlightened than before.

4. Emotional Regulation

Narcissistic abuse can have long-term effects on emotional health. Thus, it comes as no surprise that I suffered symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Luckily, meditation can calm the sympathetic nervous system to ease anxiety and depression and improve overall sense of wellbeing. So I made it a consistent part of my routine to reap the benefits.

What I didn’t expect was for the practice to improve my emotional regulation, and the effects were almost immediate. After the first few sessions, I noticed I could more easily reign in my emotions when something triggered my trauma response. Instead of immediately reacting, I could take a few breaths and think before responding. This aspect alone has played a huge role in reversing unhealthy behavioral patterns and undoing old thought processes so I don’t have to relive old traumas.

5. Reclaiming My Identity

My ex said my hair looked ugly so I cut it. He told me I was overweight so I starved myself skinny. In an endless effort to meet his standards and win his affection, I completely changed who I was. The saddest part is my internal dialogue changed, too and I repeated those same insults to myself even after we divorced.

Since then, I’ve been using meditation to reclaim my identity. As I observe my thoughts and self-talk patterns, I learn to quiet the inner critic and give a mic to the inner cheerleader. She speaks kind words over me through positive mantras and deep knowledge of my own value and worth. Of course, the discouraging voices still whisper in my ear, but they’re much less frequent and quieter than before, so I’ll take what I can get.

Taking the First Step

Mediation doesn’t require any special equipment or training. All you need is yourself and a quiet place to lie or sit. This accessibility may be the biggest benefit of all. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I can stop, take a few deep breaths, look within and observe. I have the tools and power to invest in my own health and healing, and so do you. You simply have to take that first tiny step in the right direction. It just so happens that meditation is a great place to start.




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What Are Juvenile Dependency Hearings? – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Birmingham divorce attorney Jonathan Green break down juvenile dependency hearings.

A juvenile dependency hearing is generally held to determine whether a child’s parent or guardian is abusive or neglectful. In these cases, the juvenile court might temporarily or permanently remove the child from the parent or guardian’s home for their protection. Mr. Trout and Mr. Greene explain how these hearings are conducted, the consequences of the hearing, what you can do to prepare for one, and more.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

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Shawn Garrison is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell & Cordell UK. He has written countless pieces dealing with the unique child custody and divorce issues that men and fathers face. Through his work on CordellCordell.com, CordellCordell.co.uk, and DadsDivorce.com, Mr. Garrison has become an authority on the complexities of the legal experience and was a content creator for the YouTube series “Dad’s Divorce Live” and additional videos on both the Dad’s Divorce and Cordell & Cordell YouTube channels.

Mr. Garrison has managed the sites of these customers, and fostered the creation of several of their features, including the Cordell & Cordell attorney and office pages, the Dad’s Divorce Newsletter, and the Cordell & Cordell newsletter.




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20 Signs Of Toxic And Manipulative Men

manipulative men

 

You can find many resources online about toxic and manipulative men. This article is to supplement other research you’ve done and to give you a clear list of signs and red flags you should look for before becoming too involved in a new relationship.

The more aware you are of behaviors specific to toxic, manipulative men the better equipped you are to protect yourself from one. The thing to keep in mind when reading the signs below is that most of these behaviors won’t show up early in a relationship.

Toxic manipulative men only show their true colors once they know you are emotionally invested in them. That is why I warn women to not become too invested in a man, too quickly. Protecting yourself from that kind of toxicity means being able to police your emotions and recognizing the signs when they rear their ugly heads. Good luck with that!

Here are 20 Signs of Toxic and Manipulative Men

1. Gaslighting and crazy-making.

Gaslighting typically happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, his actions may seem harmless at first. Over time, however, abusive patterns continue and you can become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed, and can lose all sense of what is actually happening. Then you’ll start relying on the abusive man more and more to define your reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.

If he says and does things that cause confusion or you to feel like you are crazy, you’re being gaslighted. If you’re being gaslighted you’ll feel self-doubt, question whether or not you are being overly emotional, become insecure in your role in the relationship and find yourself apologizing for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. It’s psychologically dangerous, get out!

2. Unable to see things from your perspective.

He says something or does something that causes you emotional pain. You attempt to explain to him how you feel but are met with a blank stare or annoyance. He isn’t someone who can see things from your perspective. He isn’t someone who can understand why his actions had any impact on your, negative or positive.

He is the kind of guy who says to you, “I’m not responsible for your feelings.” If he cheats on you, he wants you to get over it. If he doesn’t show up for a planned date, he accuses you of being uptight and controlling. He is a jerk!

3. The ultimate hypocrite.

“Do as I say, not as I do.” He has extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, he will give none of this back to you. He will cheat, lie, criticize, and manipulate. But you are expected to remain perfect, otherwise, you will promptly be replaced and deemed unstable.

4. Pathological lying.

Before you even question him about a subject or situation he’ll have a lie ready to tell you. And, when caught lying, he expresses to remorse or embarrassment. He just tries to lie his way out of the original lie. His life is one big lie and so are his feelings for you.

5. He focuses on your mistakes but ignores his own.

This guy needs you to be perfect and to view him as perfect in spite of his bad behavior. Your mistakes will be brought to your attention. He will expect you to be remorseful and to make changes as he sees fit. He, on the other hand, can do no wrong and you better not forget that.

6. The meaning of respect is lost on him.

Normal people understand fundamental concepts like honesty and kindness. The toxic man is childlike in his ability to grasp the concept of not only receiving respect but returning it.

He won’t respect your need for time alone or time with family and friends. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, your career or, your desire to go to the bathroom without an audience. You can tell him dinner is promptly at 8:00 and he will show at 9:00. This guy is downright unmannerly, course and contemptible. Get as far away as possible!

7. Needs to be the center of attention.

This guy wants all your attention, 24/7 your life is supposed to revolve around him. His demand for adoration from you is insatiable. In reality, this guy has no identity without you there to constantly build him up. And, it isn’t even about you. Anyone can give him what he needs…attention. You’re only there because you were the first of fifth he found to do his bidding.

8. Assigns false emotions to you.

He will dismiss your true feelings and assign you feelings that most often mimic what he is feeling. Psychologist and psychiatrists called this “projection.” Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which he attributes characteristics he finds unacceptable in himself to another person…you.

For example, he may accuse you of wanting to have an affair or being attracted to a close friend or ex. In reality, it is him who may be having an affair or thinking about an affair or, attracted to someone other than you. He has projected his feelings of shame, guilt or desire for someone else off onto you because subconsciously he knows it’s wrong but can’t emotionally face that in himself.

9. Your gut is constantly telling you to investigate.

He has been caught in enough lies that you’ve finally gotten to the point of believing nothing he says. But you’ve also learned to doubt your own gut feelings so, your turn yourself into a private investigator and start stalking him on social media.

Or, maybe following him after work or driving by his home when you two aren’t together. You’re seeking answers to questions and doubts you have that you just can quite explain.

10. Everyone around you thinks he walks on water.

Everyone but you! But there must be something wrong with you if you’re the only one questioning his values, morals, and sincerity. Here is what you need to keep in mind. You’re the only one engaged in an intimate relationship with him. No one sees the side of him you see.

His relationship with those other people is superficial and that is why they don’t see what you see in him!

11. You begin to fear expressing your feelings.

Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but toxic men make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially conversations regarding their bad behavior. Any of your attempts to improve communication will typically result in the silent treatment. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise, you know he’ll lose interest in you.

12. He disrespects your boundaries.

Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around her and how she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

If he is repeatedly crossing your boundaries, he isn’t willing to discuss boundaries with you, or you notice he is guilt-tripping you for even having boundaries, your relationship is likely very unhealthy and could become abusive if his behaviors continue and escalate.

13. They belittle and dismiss you.

If you point this out, they call you sensitive and crazy. You might begin to feel resentful and upset, but you learn to push away those feelings in favor of maintaining the peace. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After once showering you with nonstop attention and admiration, they suddenly seem completely bored by you.

They treat you with silence and become very annoyed that you’re interested in continuing the passionate relationship they created with you. You begin to feel like a chore to them.

14. You’re supposed to be a mind reader.

He doesn’t communicate his needs or plans with you. If he gets pissed because you fail to do something he wanted but you didn’t know about, you’re on the hook because you failed to read his mind.

Guys like this are non-communicators. They are immature romantics who believe, “if she really loved me, she’d know what I need.” You can’t win with this guy because they like to play the victim and what better way to do that than leave you to wonder what they hell they want and need from you.

15. You feel anxious but can’t define why.

Bad relationships will eventually cause anxiety. If you find yourself suddenly feeling unexplained anxiety take a long, hard look at the dynamics of your relationship with him.

If you’re in a relationship with a toxic man you’re most likely constantly stressed out over the state of the relationship, or over-analyzing the constant conflict in the relationship. You probably don’t need meds for anxiety just a new relationship partner!

16. He has a dysfunctional past.

Some toxic men have serious mental health problems and they always have someone to blame them on. If all his exes were bitches, his parents were neglectful and his childhood friends and work friends are all defective…according to him, you can bet his dysfunctional past isn’t about all those people and all about him.

This guy is so messed up that you can bet he will fuck up any relationship he engages in, romantic and otherwise.

17. Stirs the pot, loves conflict.

He is a drama queen! He is always putting his nose into other peoples’ business and conflicts. He isn’t happy and doesn’t want anyone else to be either. He will not be able to get along with your girlfriends. He won’t have friends of his own because he ran them off with his meddling.

This guy is addicted to the adrenaline rush he gets from engaging in conflict. If there isn’t conflict going on, he will find a way to start it.

18. He is in LOVE!

When you first meet, things move extremely fast. He tells you how much he has in common with you—how perfect you are for him. After the first date, he has changed his Facebook status to, “in a relationship.”

He constantly initiates communication and seems to be fascinated with you on every level. You met him on July 3rd and he is already planning a Christmas getaway for the two of you after only two weeks. He is all about pinning you down quickly.

By Christmas there will be no trip, he will have lost interest and you’ll be licking your emotional wounds because you fell for his game, hook, line and sinker.

19. Compares you to other people.

They compare you to ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to make you feel jealous and inferior.

20. Your admirable qualities become deficiencies.

At first, they appeal to your deepest vanities and vulnerabilities, observing and mimicking exactly what they think you want to hear. But after you’re hooked, they start to use these things against you. You spend more and more time trying to prove yourself worthy to the very same person who once said you were perfect.

FAQs about Toxic, Manipulative Men:

Toxic manipulative men only show their true colors once they know you are emotionally invested in them. That is why I warn women to not become too invested in a man, too quickly. Protecting yourself from that kind of toxicity means being able to police your emotions and recognizing the signs when they rear their ugly heads. Good luck with that!

Is he gaslighting me?

If he says and does things that cause confusion or you to feel like you are crazy, you’re being gaslighted. If you’re being gaslighted, you’ll feel self-doubt, question whether or not you are being overly emotional, become insecure in your role in the relationship and find yourself apologizing for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. It’s psychologically dangerous, get out!

Is he a pathological liar?

He is a pathological liar if he has a lie ready to tell you before you even question him about a subject or situation. And, when caught lying, he expresses no remorse or embarrassment. He just tries to lie his way out of the original lie. His life is one big lie and so are his feelings for you.

What are the traits of a toxic man?

Normal people understand fundamental concepts like honesty and kindness. The toxic man is childlike in his ability to grasp the concept of not only receiving respect but returning it.

He won’t respect your need for time alone or time with family and friends. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, your career or, your desire to go to the bathroom without an audience. You can tell him dinner is promptly at 8:00 and he will show at 9:00. This guy is downright unmannerly, course and contemptible. Get as far away as possible!

Why does he accuse me of wanting to have an affair?

He may accuse you of wanting to have an affair or being attracted to a close friend or ex. In reality, it is him who may be having an affair or thinking about an affair or, attracted to someone other than you. Psychologists and psychiatrists call this “projection”. Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which he attributes characteristics he finds unacceptable in himself to another person…you.

Why am I afraid to express my feelings around him?

Normal couples argue to resolve issues,, but toxic men make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially conversations regarding their bad behavior. Any of your attempts to improve communication will typically result in the silent treatment. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise, you know he’ll lose interest in you.

Q Why does he want me to read his mind?

He doesn’t communicate his needs or plans with you. If he gets pissed because you fail to do something he wanted but you didn’t know about, you’re on the hook because you failed to read his mind.

Guys like this are non-communicators. They are immature romantics who believe, “if she really loved me, she’d know what I need.” You can’t win with this guy because they like to play the victim and what better way to do that than leave you to wonder what the hell they want and need from you.




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Child Support and Modification – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Amherst divorce attorney Shannon Howley discuss what you need to know about child support modifications.

The majority of divorced fathers end up with monthly child support payments and there are many reasons why you might eventually need to file for a child support modification. Mr. Trout and Ms. Howley chat about how that process works, what might constitute a child support modification, and more.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

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Shawn Garrison is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell & Cordell UK. He has written countless pieces dealing with the unique child custody and divorce issues that men and fathers face. Through his work on CordellCordell.com, CordellCordell.co.uk, and DadsDivorce.com, Mr. Garrison has become an authority on the complexities of the legal experience and was a content creator for the YouTube series “Dad’s Divorce Live” and additional videos on both the Dad’s Divorce and Cordell & Cordell YouTube channels.

Mr. Garrison has managed the sites of these customers, and fostered the creation of several of their features, including the Cordell & Cordell attorney and office pages, the Dad’s Divorce Newsletter, and the Cordell & Cordell newsletter.




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Illinois Family Law Judge Reverses Ruling on Unvaccinated Parent

unvaccinated parent

 

COVID-19 has changed lives, cost people their jobs, and even jeopardized co-parenting relationships among divorced parents. The debate has become so heated that even family law judges are starting to take a stance on the vaccinated/unvaccinated debate.

This particular case involves a mother in Illinois who almost lost shared custody of her son because she did not have the COVID-19 vaccine.

Here’s What Happened When a Family Law Judge Took Custody Away From an Unvaccinated Parent

Just last month, a Cook County judge ruled that a mother, Rebecca Firlit, could not legally see her eleven-year-old son due to her vaccination status.

With the legal and medical aspects of COVID-19 changing rapidly every day, divorced parents who share custody and have opposing views of the COVID-19 vaccine are facing even more strife and high-conflict battles in court.

What happens when parents have opposing views on the COVID-19 vaccine? Both parents may have their own clear arguments to present to the court, but is one argument better than the other? Should an unvaccinated parent have the right to defend his or her own views about the vaccine in a court of law?

Families Divided

Firlit shared custody of her eleven-year-old son with her ex-husband. The couple split seven years ago. The ex-spouses appeared in court on August 10 via a Zoom conference, at which point Cook County Judge James Shapiro asked Firlit if she had received her COVID-19 vaccine.

After Firlit admitted that she did not receive the vaccine, Shapiro reportedly stripped her of her rights to see her son, stating that she would only be allowed to speak to her son via phone or video calls until she received the vaccine.

The shocking ruling raises the question of how judges should deal with an unvaccinated parent, parental rights, and COVID-19 vaccine refusal.

The battle of vaccinated vs. unvaccinated is already causing division among people all over the world. It is now causing even more controversy and division among families and parents who have opposing views on the vaccine – which is just another flame to throw in already heated high-conflict divorce cases.

“He was placing his views on me and taking my son away from me,” Firlit says about the ruling.

A Ruling Reversed

Not long after Shapiro gave his ruling, the judge vacated the order “based on the absence of a pleading or hearing on serious endangerment.”

“Cases like this are not a surprise these days, since in general there seems to be an inability to agree as to basic facts in existence, let alone the proper decisions to make as a parent. The issue will be coming up again and again. Judges will need to decide these issues based on all facts involving the best interests of children. Future parenting agreements may need to more specifically cover these kinds of situations, and they can be hard decisions,” says Chicago family law attorney Paul Feinstein.

Currently, children under the age of twelve years old are not eligible to receive the COVID-19 vaccine, but it appears that these types of cases will only continue to grow as the vaccine debate between parents and people all over the world reaches its boiling point.

Vaccine refusal and legal child custody can bring more strife to an already stressful and heated situation. Is it in a child’s best interest to be away from a parent who is unvaccinated? Are these decisions best left for family law judges to make?

As similar divorce cases continue to appear in the coming months and years, it seems that only time will tell.




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What is Common Law Marriage? – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Tulsa divorce attorney Colby Pearce discuss common law marriage, including its history, whether it applies in your family law case, how it works, and more.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

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Shawn Garrison is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell & Cordell UK. He has written countless pieces dealing with the unique child custody and divorce issues that men and fathers face. Through his work on CordellCordell.com, CordellCordell.co.uk, and DadsDivorce.com, Mr. Garrison has become an authority on the complexities of the legal experience and was a content creator for the YouTube series “Dad’s Divorce Live” and additional videos on both the Dad’s Divorce and Cordell & Cordell YouTube channels.

Mr. Garrison has managed the sites of these customers, and fostered the creation of several of their features, including the Cordell & Cordell attorney and office pages, the Dad’s Divorce Newsletter, and the Cordell & Cordell newsletter.




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