Divorce is already an emotional rollercoaster, and when partners cannot agree on the terms, the problems seem insurmountable. It’s so important to try to come to a middle ground where both parties are comfortable with points like shared custody, the sharing of assets, and finances.
When partners agree on these important terms, they have an ‘uncontested’ divorce. An uncontested divorce is less stressful for all parties, including the children. It‘s less expensive, as you’re both in agreement (eventually!), which means you’re not spending a fortune on legal fees. And it’s not as emotionally charged, which is good for everyone. Let’s discuss an uncontested divorce and why this could be to your advantage.
The difference between Contested and Uncontested Divorce
We will start by talking about a Contested Divorce. Partners often cannot agree during a divorce, which is fairly common. Expect conflict during this emotional time.
In a Contested Divorce, partners can fight about everything and anything, from dividing their assets to which days the kids stay with which parent.
Shared custody is common in American divorces, but deciding who gets the kids when and determining how much each parent will spend on education, entertainment, and extracurricular activities can become a bone of contention. Of course, the more you disagree, the more this will cost you, as you’ll be going backward and forward to lawyers. This also makes the divorce take longer as partners must agree on all conditions. The stress and strain that comes with a contested divorce can be enormous.
Check out “What’s the Difference between a Contested Divorce and an Uncontested Divorce?
An uncontested divorce offers a very different set of circumstances. With this type of divorce, the partners have worked out compromises, sometimes with or without a mediator or lawyers. This is also why many divorces start as contested and progress to uncontested.
Of course, it’s much easier when the divorce is uncontested, as partners don’t have to seek assistance from the court. The more problems you and your partner can resolve, the less expensive the divorce. When lawyers are battling on your behalf, prices escalate.
If you can end your marriage (eventually) amicably, this will be better for all involved. You and your partner have a mutual responsibility – your children, if you have them. Maintaining a civil relationship makes it easier to make decisions that relate to your kids. These mutual decisions will need to be made until your children are adults. Turning to lawyers to solve these problems is not desirable.
5 Reasons Why Uncontested Divorce Could Be the Answer
There’s a reason that 90 percent of US divorces are uncontested. They’re less expensive, easier to navigate, and kids suffer less. So it makes sense to go this route instead of disagreeing if you can.
Let’s take a look at the 5 reasons to choose an uncontested divorce:
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The Divorce is Less Complicated
An uncontested divorce not only comes with fewer complications; it also takes less time to sort out. The reason is that partners spend more time in court when the divorce is contested, as each problem needs to be settled separately. Not only is this a financial cost; it can cost you emotionally, too. Communication is more open when the divorce is uncontested, making it easier for partners to agree.
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Less Expensive for Both Spouses
Lawyers are expensive, so the more you appear in court to discuss issues, the more it will cost. That’s not counting the time you take out of your workday to be in court. Stats carried out by Prudential Financial show that a divorce where children are involved costs on average $15,000 in 2024, but if it’s contested, this will be a lot more. Attorneys charge by the hour. If you are using one, how much does your lawyer charge per hour? In contrast, an uncontested divorce will be cheaper, take less time, and cause less stress.
Read “How Much Will My Divorce Cost Me Financially and Emotionally?”
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Takes Less Time to Resolve
Divorce is a lengthy process, whether partners contest the divorce or not. But it’s likely to take less time to sort out if you aren’t contesting any matters. You won’t need to go to court so that saves money and time. It’s difficult to predict how long your divorce will take. It usually takes between 6 and 12 months, unless the couple decides to accelerate the process. If that’s the case, it may cost you more, but it will be done faster.
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Less Stressful
Getting divorced is one of the most stressful experiences one can go through. It’s similar to the death of a loved one or starting a new job. So it makes sense that the experience will take its toll emotionally, whether you’re amicable about the process or are contesting certain issues. The spotlight is on both of you, whether you appear in court or settle things out of court. A lot is likely to be said that could make you emotional and anxious. If it’s an uncontested divorce, you’ll spend less time in court and can also speed up the entire process. This will cost you less emotionally as well as financially. If you’re both confident about your decision to end the marriage, this can be resolved without as much stress and strain.
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Takes Far Less Toll on the Kids
When children are part of the equation in a divorce, this adds even more strain, not only on the relationship between partners but also on the kids themselves. Arguing over issues often moves out of the courtroom and affects the kids in some way, often in their behavior and school performance. Not only your kids are affected but members of your family and close friends also find your divorce hard to handle.
And let’s not forget the effect this process has on you! The faster the divorce process, the sooner you will all heal, which is why an uncontested divorce could be the answer you’re looking for.
Is an Uncontested Divorce Right for You?
If you and your partner are prepared to communicate with each other and sort out problems then an uncontested divorce could work for you. If you can leave your emotions out of the equation, an uncontested divorce could be the answer. You may require a lawyer to assist in certain circumstances, but if you can keep the situation reasonably amicable, this won’t cost as much as a contested divorce.
In an uncontested divorce, partners work together to settle any differences. These could involve anything from discussing the division of valuable assets to setting dates for each parent to take the kids on vacation. There are always compromises that need to be made. If the two of you can agree, an uncontested divorce will be easier for everyone concerned.
The more the two of you can agree, the quicker the process will be. Emotions can extend the negotiation process; if this is the case, you may need mediation. This person could be a legal or financial advisor or even a psychologist.
Every divorce is different, and yours may require contesting because your spouse is a bully or is hiding things. If you are in an abusive relationship, it doesn’t mean your divorce will necessarily be contested. But you should seek legal support that advocates for you and your interests.
You both need to consider the results carefully before you start any dispute. You both also need to be comfortable in your joint decisions. Once you’ve agreed on something, there’s no going back.
Both of you need to feel easy about the outcome of an uncontested divorce. If there are unresolved issues and neither of you is prepared to compromise, contesting a divorce may be the only answer.
What Happens if You Change Your Mind?
Sometimes the divorce gets complicated even though it seems simple at first. You could find that new issues arise during the divorce process. In this case, the two of you may not be able to reach an understanding. Perhaps you agreed on custody rights and then circumstances change and you need to reconsider these. If this is the case, your divorce may become contested and you may need legal assistance.
This happens often during divorce proceedings. Either party may change their mind, or perhaps they see things differently and want to take another look at certain agreements. As the process continues, you may want to reconsider certain items. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind. You need to ensure that your interests and the interests of your children are uppermost in your mind. But know, that it may cost money.
There’s no need to agree to terms you’re not happy with. Be brave. Stand up and say what’s bothering you. Until the divorce is signed, there’s room to reconsider and renegotiate. Ensure that you aren’t compromising too much and will be sorry later. Make sure that the agreement is fair to all parties concerned.
What to do if your Partner Changes the Original Agreement
If your Ex wants to adjust the original agreement, there are various ways you can handle this. If you haven’t sought counsel from a lawyer, this could be when you contact one, especially if you feel out of your depth. A professional can help with a solution or negotiate for you when you both can’t agree.
This could help you come to terms with any changes that have been suggested and offer an objective solution that you are prepared to agree to.
There is another way to reconcile your differences if you can’t come to a solution and you don’t want the court to get involved. A professional mediator can sort out problems for you and find a middle-ground acceptable to both of you.
Learn MORE about mediation by reading “6 Essentials for Preparing for Divorce Mediation.”
Divorce is never easy, no matter whether it’s contested or uncontested. It’s emotionally fraught either way. The best thing to do is take it one step at a time. Be patient. Try to leave the emotion out of the equation as much as possible.
Conclusion
If you can agree to an uncontested divorce, this will benefit both of you. It will cost less, be simpler, faster, and take less toll emotionally. Divorce proceedings are never easy and they always cost you financially. But if you can find the easiest way to come to terms with ending the marriage and continuing as amicably as possible, it will benefit everyone, children included.
There are solutions to avoiding a contested divorce. And there are plenty of advantages to an uncontested divorce. This takes time, effort, and a willingness to leave the emotion out of your negotiations. If you can do this, you can avoid a lengthy process that involves court and plenty of money. The healing process will also be faster for everyone.
You can still address all the issues in an uncontested divorce, and ensure your needs are met. Legal assistance will certainly help you navigate your way through difficulties and make negotiation easier for both sides. You must be aware of the options available so that you have the power and the understanding to get through this difficult process.
Start with open conversations with your Ex to iron out any problems. Then, as we always recommend at SAS for Women, it’s time to consider the legal route so that you can find out the way forward. You need to be fully aware of the steps necessary to come to a solution as amicably as possible so that you, your Ex, and the children can benefit in the long term.
Remember, you’re not alone in this process, and you deserve to move forward with your life and start your healing journey. Stay resilient, recognize your worth, and make decisions that align with your best interests and well-being. With determination and courage, you can navigate the divorce process and emerge stronger on the other side.
NOTES
Sharon Preston is a writer and editor. She has edited numerous lifestyle magazines and ghostwritten several books. She lives in a cottage in Johannesburg, South Africa with her two cats. You can connect with Sharon here: sharpreston1234@gmail.com
Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward.
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*SAS continues to support same-sex and nonbinary marriage. In this article, however, we refer to your spouse as husband/he/him.