I remember distinctly what I wore to court a quarter of a century ago when my divorce was finalized. It was a simple black just-over-the-knee dress subtly patterned with little pink roses, flesh-colored pantyhose, and sensible black low-heeled pumps. Over the dress, I wore a smart black jacket. I’d cut my hair recently into a pixie cut. Before my divorce proceedings, it had been long. I had very little make-up on, aiming to look exactly how I wanted to be portrayed: a sensible, conservative woman who had reason to file for divorce. My goal was for the judge to take me seriously.
In the end, there was no need to worry. Blending in with the crowd of other women waiting to finalize their divorces, I didn’t stand out at all. And so the divorce decree was granted. I think the same dress code applies today as it did all those years ago. It’s important to show respect for the fact that you are appearing in court. The judge and others in the courtroom should know that you take these proceedings seriously, and by the same token, you’re taking getting divorced seriously, too.
If you’re wondering why I cut my hair short at this time, let me explain: Psychologists believe that women sometimes cut their hair during or after divorce as a way of rejecting who their partners want them to be. A dramatic hair change could also be a way of getting rid of the past and moving on. This makes me think of a SAS article, which explains my haircut a bit and makes me laugh today: “Your Shocking Post-Divorce Behavior.”
In All Seriousness, Here’s the Lowdown on What to Wear to Court for Divorce Proceedings
My lawyer gave strict instructions on what I should wear to court for the divorce proceedings. I can’t imagine anyone dressing in sandals and shorts or leisurewear, but I get what she meant. It’s important to show respect for the law and divorce court. Let’s face it: divorce is something to take seriously.
So the jury is out on what to wear. Let’s take a look at the legal protocol for court apparel in a divorce proceeding:
- Have a professional, conservative image. You deserve to be taken seriously. You also want to show the court you are taking these proceedings seriously.
- Whatever you wear, ensure it’s neat and well put together. Your hair and nails should be tidy, and you should look well-groomed. Paint nails a neutral shade. Your shoes must also be in good condition – no scuffs or down-trodden heels.
- Wear a dress or pantsuit that is well-tailored. Skirts should be on or just over the knee, pants must be neatly hemmed, and not too long.
- The best colors to wear for court are dark ones, including black, grey, and navy.
Is any of this clothing fun? Does it express who you are now?
Probably not, but you are not defined by this day, you are playing a part. Dye your hair purple or walk around town in a trench coat and underneath, only a thong, but, do so, later on.
For other things to savor and relish with what lies beyond, check out “100 Must Do’s for the Newly Divorced Independent Woman”.
What Are You Going to Wear to Divorce Court?
Linda, 57, who had been embroiled in a weeks-long custody battle in court last year, has no recollection of what she wore. “I was so busy fighting for custody of the kids that I never thought about what to wear to court,” she says. “I probably realized I needed to dress conservatively if I wanted to be taken seriously. But I certainly didn’t spend hours planning my wardrobe. I was too stressed about what was going on in court. All that mattered to me was getting through the ordeal and getting the kids back into a normal routine.”
Many women react this way when they have to appear in court. However, if you will be attending divorce court proceedings shortly, it’s a good idea to be well-prepared. When the time comes, you will probably be too stressed to plan an outfit for this occasion. So let these words sink in while you read this so you’re ready for your court appearance.
For inspiration on how to look after yourself during and after divorce, read “8 Ways to Practice Self Care During & After Divorce”.
What Should Men Wear to Divorce Court?
For divorce court proceedings, men should ideally wear a suit and tie or a jacket with pants. Wearing a tie is a sign of respect. Like women, they should look as if they are wearing their “Sunday Best”. (Remember that from days of old?)
Sally, 42, had this to say about her Ex arriving in a suit to court: “I’ve only ever seen Pete in a suit once before, and that was when we got married,” she says. “So I guess this is why his outfit was so difficult for me to handle. I would have been more comfortable if he’d worn a jacket. Seeing him in a suit made me cry. It had nothing to do with the divorce details. I was the one who had started our separation.
“The suit was just the final straw. I suddenly realized that we were going through with it. That this was the end of our marriage.”
Lesson learned? Be prepared with a handkerchief, too, or a packet of tissues, in case the reality of the situation hits home in a big way.
Dressing for Court: It’s About Respect, Not Perfection
I don’t think I looked good when I attended court that fateful day that our marriage ended. And the only reason I remember what I wore so clearly, is because it was such a milestone. I don’t recall what I wore to visit my lawyer on those numerous heart-rending occasions. I also don’t recall what I wore when I told my husband we were getting divorced. Sometimes we know instinctively how to dress to meet an occasion; other times we’re too stressed to think about it.
When the time comes, you will likely remember to be neat, tidy, well-groomed, and conservative. If you went to a school where you had to wear a uniform, this should come more naturally. If you go or went to Church, Temple or Mosque, you’ll also know how to dress.
Conclusion
Don’t be hard on yourself. This is likely the first time you’re appearing in court – if you even have to go to court. The judge and lawyers have been in court every day of the week for years. They’ve seen people come and go. As long as you’re neat and don’t stand out from the crowd, they will accept you for what you are – a person who is distraught because her marriage is ending. Not a fashion model parading the latest Louboutins.
And here’s some good news! Read “Life After Divorce: 5 Steps After the Divorce Document is Signed” to see how to get on with your new life chapter. This is what matters. Look ahead. That’s us waving to you. We are waiting for you, on the Other Side.
NOTES
Sharon Preston is a writer and editor. She has edited numerous lifestyle magazines and ghostwritten several books. She lives in a cottage in Johannesburg, South Africa with her two cats. You can connect with Sharon here: sharpreston1234@gmail.com
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*SAS continues to support same-sex and nonbinary marriage. In this article, however, we refer to your spouse as husband/he/him.