My birthday falls on Labor Day weekend (or right before or right after), which is a good thing for me, since so much of the time, it’s on the weekend or on the holiday, so while everyone is celebrating Labor Day, I usually celebrate “my birthday weekend.”
I get pretty emotional around my birthday, so I usually write articles about my birthday and how I’m feeling about my life and about turning whatever age I’m turning. Past articles I’ve written include: 49 Phrases and Words of Encouragement for a Divorced Woman, On My Birthday I Will be Present and Open Presents, 55 Things I’ve Learned about Life and Love after Divorce, and What Does a 57-Year-Old Woman Look Like? Moi.
But this year, for some reason I’m focused on Labor Day instead Why? Because I’ve labored for my entire adult life. Let’s call it 40 years. And, I continue to labor now. Laboring isn’t easy! It’s tough. But don’t get me wrong. That’s not a bad thing.
On the contrary, laboring is entirely underrated!
Yes, laboring can consist of: hard work, heartbreak, situations that seem unfair or hopelessness anger, and of course, pain. But laboring creates so many wonderful, amazing things, like strength, confidence, empowerment, wisdom, fearlessness, and self-love.
Here are 10 labors that I’ve experienced in my life that make celebrating Labor Day a must:
1. My first job (and second job and third job and every job I’ve ever had).
Friends, working is not easy. It’s not easy ever. It’s especially not easy when you have young kids, or when you go back to work after divorce, or when you don’t feel well physically, or when you don’t feel well emotionally.
Having a job or your own business also means dealing with co-workers, managers and other businesspeople on a daily basis. When you don’t get along with someone but you need to because of your job, that’s stressful!
A job also means making sure you are fairly compensated financially, keeping the job, and trying to have a budget that works for you. When your expenses are exceeding what you are making, that’s hard!
So, the first Labor Day celebration I’d like to make is to all of you hardworking people who support yourselves, who support your families, and who do their jobs with passion, integrity, and grace. I admire you so much and I hope you know you are appreciated, even though you might not feel that way by some people.
2. My marriage.
Listen, everyone who got divorced knows how hard a marriage is but guess what? If you are married, even happily married, marriage is hard! It’s a labor of commitment. It means staying with someone through really hard times. It means working to keep the marriage good. I’m not judging anyone for getting divorced because I understand you and I know how hard you tried to make it work. But, on Labor Day, I want to celebrate those who are married. Thank you for the effort you put into your relationship.
3. The birth of my children.
I got to the hospital at 2:00am when I went into labor with my first child. Ask me what time I actually gave birth: 4pm the next day!!! Talk about labor! I then had my second child sans epidural because I was too stubborn to go to the hospital while having contractions (thinking it was going to be awhile) and by the time I got there, it was too late for the pain meds. Despite the absurd amount of time and the pain I endured having my two beloved children, I have to say, it was an honor and a privilege to be given those gifts. So, I’d like to celebrate all mothers who have labored literally. You are awesome!
4. Raising my children.
It starts with waking up every 3 hours to feed your baby and from that point on, just keeps getting more and more complicated—in both amazing and challenging ways. The temper tantrums, the boo-boos, the sporting events, the Halloween costumes, the holiday gifts, the birthday party planning, the sick days, the trips to the ER, the times the kids start testing you and your rules, the time the police show up at your door and tell you they caught your son smoking pot (before it was legal), the first girlfriend or boyfriend breakup, high school, college, first jobs, weddings. If you are a parent, celebrate this labor of love, and the blessing of your God-given gifts. Also, a note to single parents: you are amazing and you have no idea how great you are doing. Remember that no one is perfect, and that you are enough!
5. My divorce.
Remember I was talking about how painful it was to labor without an epidural? Well, I’d rather do that 10 more times than go through a divorce! Divorce is so hard. It’s painful and scary and depressing and lonely. Going through a divorce is a labor of believing in yourself and having faith.
6. Dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce can feel worse than the divorce! Dating is so awful when you get ghosted or hurt or shocked by bad behavior. Believe me, I have my share of stories (and I tell them in my book, WHO LET THE DOGS OUT.) But if you are out there in the trenches of dating after divorce, celebrate your labor of trying to find love. Why celebrate? Because if you continue to work on yourself (like we all should all the time-whether we are in a relationship or not), if you are patient, and if you keep an open mind, you won’t be dating after divorce much longer because you will find yourself in love.
7. My current romantic relationship.
I started dating my now spouse over 9 years ago and we are very happy together. But with that said, (see, there’s always a disclaimer!) no relationship is perfect and no one is perfect. What I am realizing in this relationship is the maturity, commitment and gratitude I have as an older person in a romantic relationship. Relationships take work! Lots of work. That’s not a bad thing. When I say work, I mean effort to keeping things fresh and fun by planning dates and trips, engaging in kind, thoughtful gestures, being kind to the person, forgiving each other, respecting each other, and of course, being there not just during good times, but ALL the time.
8. Other relationships—friends, family and acquaintances.
Let’s start with family. Here is what I’ve come to learn: You can still love a family member or your parents or your kids or your siblings so so much, and admit to yourself that they have faults. You can love them and still feel anger or disappointment or a lack of respect. Family is that solid and you pretty much love them no matter what. The reason family is a labor is because sometimes you have to have conversations that you don’t want to have because they are your family and not some friend you can say “I just don’t want to talk to her anymore.”
Friendships take work, too. I’m going to give you some obvious but necessary advice. Ready? You have to call your friends and make plans. My dad used to say “fun is a job,” meaning get stuff on the calendar or it won’t happen. Dinners, coffees, walking dates, these are wonderful ways to see your friends. It’s work, but it’s worth it!
9. Self-improvement.
Two of the most underrated feelings in the world are accomplishment and empowerment. How do we achieve these things? By the labor of self-improvement. I believe that if you have the courage to face change and get outside your comfort zone, working on yourself is not only possible at any age, but it becomes enjoyable.
It doesn’t matter if you are a young, single person, a newly divorced person at 50, or an elderly person, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself, to try new things, to work on having better relationships and of course, to do things to make your life richer and happier. The work we do on ourselves isn’t easy and sometimes it’s really uncomfortable and scary to try doing things a different way. But ask yourself, have you ever been sorry you went back to school or got divorced or went on a retreat or repaired your relationship with a friend? Never. Celebrate the growth that was the result of your labor of self-improvement!
10. Self-Love.
Perhaps the biggest labor worth celebrating is the labor of loving you. Self-love is a powerful thing and sometimes it takes work to achieve. For example, oftentimes, newly separated people lack self-love because they feel guilty for getting divorced or they have no self-esteem or they’ve been living in such a toxic environment for so long that they don’t know how to love themselves. So, how do you get that self-love back?
Having a job you detest and not doing anything to change your circumstances also makes it hard to have self-love. Or, maybe you lack self-love because of the relationships you choose to be in—romantic relationships and friendships. Maybe you don’t like your lifestyle. Or, maybe you don’t like some of the choices you’ve made in life.
Whatever the reason for lack of self-love, ways to achieve it are very much in your power. It’s a labor, BUT it’s a good labor! The first way to achieve self-love is forgiveness. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness brings peace and a calmness, and it opens up your heart to letting in self-love. Other ways to achieve self-love: random acts of kindness, visiting someone who is sick, helping someone get a job, reconnecting with an old friend, volunteering, monetary donations, getting rid of toxic relationships in your life and surrounding yourself with those who lift you up and make you feel loved and cared for.
However you are celebrating, I wish you all a happy Labor Day. Please remember to be safe and of course, to celebrate the gift of the labors we endure in life. Without these labors, life would be pretty boring, and we would miss out on all the wonderful experiences, adventures, and lessons that make life beautiful and meaningful.
