Hey there, I’m Shevon. As a social worker specializing in mental health, I know a thing or two about navigating rough emotional waters. But beyond my professional background, I’ve lived the single mom journey firsthand. Let me share a bit of my story and the insights I’ve gained along the way to help you on your path.
Becoming a single mom wasn’t part of my original plan. I became a mother at a young age, and let’s just say life threw me more curveballs than I could count. My relationship with my daughter’s father wasn’t ideal, and I found myself struggling with codependency.
For a long time, I was wrapped up in the hope that things would get better, often at the expense of my own happiness. To top it off, I battled postpartum depression, which added another layer of complexity to an already challenging situation.
I reached a tipping point where I realized that I couldn’t continue neglecting my own needs. It hit me that prioritizing my well-being wasn’t selfish—it was necessary for both me and my daughter. That’s when I started reclaiming my life, one small step at a time. Here are some tips and insights I’ve gathered through my personal experiences and professional work that can help you manage life as a single mom dealing with a deadbeat dad.
1. Own Your Story
My journey had a lot of bumps, and I faced a slew of challenges, including postpartum depression and a codependent relationship. But embracing and acknowledging my story made me stronger. Your struggles and victories shape who you are. Your journey might be tough, but it’s all part of what makes you, you. Embrace every part of it.
2. Put Self-Care First
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of single-mom self-care. As moms, we pour everything into our kids and often forget about ourselves. But remember, a happy and healthy mom equals happy and healthy kids. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury; it’s a must. So go ahead, take that quiet moment with a cup of tea or go for a solo walk. It’s more important than you think.
3. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries with a deadbeat dad can be tough, but it’s so necessary. You need to know your limits and not stretch yourself thin trying to make up for what he’s not doing. Boundaries are a form of self-love. They protect your peace and keep your mental health in check. Clear expectations make for a healthier, more balanced home life.
4. Reach Out for Help
It’s totally okay to ask for help. Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re taking care of yourself. Look into resources like Open Path Collective for affordable therapy or organizations like the Loveland Foundation that offer free therapy sessions for women of color. If your job has Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), take advantage of those free therapy sessions. Therapy should be like a wellness check, not a last resort.
5. Be Real With Your Kids
It can be tempting to always act like you have it all together, but it’s actually healthy to show your kids that it’s okay to have emotions. Our children learn from our authenticity. Show them it’s okay to feel and how to deal with those feelings. This honesty gives them the tools to navigate their own emotional worlds.
6. Let Go of Perfection
There’s a lot of pressure, especially on black women and moms, to always appear strong. This can lead to ignoring our own needs. Perfection is a myth. Be kind to yourself and allow space for imperfection. Accept your limits and focus on what truly matters for you and your kids.
7. Celebrate the Wins
Recognize that every bit of progress, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Celebrate the small wins, both yours and your children’s. These little victories build resilience. Changing your perspective can significantly reduce your stress and create a positive atmosphere at home.
Healing Is a Journey
I once led my daughter and her friends through a scary tunnel, and it’s a great metaphor for facing challenges. Healing is a journey, not a destination. Embrace every step, even the tough ones. The journey might be tough, but it’s worth it in the end.
For those of you dealing with the challenges of a deadbeat dad, remember to prioritize your mental health and self-care. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. By being vulnerable, seeking help, and setting realistic expectations, you’re not just taking care of your mental health, but also building a solid foundation for your kids.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. There are plenty of resources and communities that get what you’re going through. Your well-being matters, and you deserve to thrive.
Stay strong, be kind to yourself, and prioritize self-care. Your mental health is the cornerstone of a happy, healthy family. You’ve got this!
Warmly,
Shevon J.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.