This is my final post in my series discussing issues that a husband or wife should consider prior to filing for divorce. In this series, I have mentioned several issues that spouses’ should address prior to formally filing for divorce. In this post, I will briefly recap my discussion and expand on any final issues that one might think about before rushing to the courthouse. Asking one’s spouse for a divorce is not a matter that should be taken lightly, and it is important to cover all of one’s bases prior to taking such a drastic step.
Prior to filing for divorce spouses’ should consider a variety of logistics
Throughout this series, I have discussed a number of life topics that I will briefly summarize in turn. Before filing for divorce, it is important that a husband or wife analyze why they are unhappy. It is often easy to blame one’s partner for day to day frustrations, but people do not always stop and ask themselves what will change if they seek a divorce. Working with a therapist or counselor can help one determine if the issue is truly one’s spouse, or if there is individual work that needs to be done. A big consideration of divorce is how finances will be divided. If one spouse does not currently work, or if the couple together shares a large debt, separating may be more complicated. If one seeks a divorce and is unsure of the marriage’s financial stability, it is important to take inventory of one’s finances and consider how one will reasonably support themselves and where they will live. Another topic that I discussed was domestic violence; obviously, if someone is being harmed by their partner it is imperative to leave the situation. However, when a partner is attempting to leave a relationship, it is also one of the most dangerous times they will face. If domestic violence is a factor in one’s relationship, it is important to have a safe exit plan, and utilize any resources available, in order to get out of the relationship cleanly. Health insurance, and the disabilities of one of the partners is another topic that I discussed. If a partner relies on the other for caregiving, or for insurance, then it can be cruel to leave them ‘high and dry.’ Seeking out as much information as possible regarding health care alternatives, prior to filing for divorce, can assuage any feelings of anxiety. And finally, the topic of children and custody is one of the most common issues in a divorce. If a parent thoughtfully considers how each parent will be present in the lives of their children post divorce, it can make the divorce process much smoother from the beginning.
Each of these topics I elaborated on in corresponding articles. While these topics are significant, there are other life events that one should consider prior to filing for divorce, that may be smaller in nature, and more individualized. Going through a divorce is often a time consuming, and emotionally stressful time. While there is never a good time to file for divorce, there may be a time in your life where it may be best to put it off. If one has a large project coming up for work, has an ill family member, or is going through some other major life change, filing for divorce may add additional chaos into one’s life. The act of filing is beginning the death of a marriage, and it is important for one to be in the most calm headspace possible prior to making such a huge decision.
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In my pre divorce coaching practice, I help my clients both articulate why they wish to leave their marriage at this time, and to objectively consider if they are prepared to make this change now. The decision on if it is appropriate to leave can only be made by each individual, however, by planning ahead, one can avoid as much unnecessary drama as possible. By speaking to a divorce coach, a husband or wife can help to determine if now is the best time for them to leave their marriage and start over. My coaching services are virtual and I work with clients all over the county. Contact me today if you believe divorce coaching is right for you.