Covert narcissism is a form of narcissism that is characterized by a lack of self-importance, self-centeredness, and attention-seeking behavior. It is often referred to as “stealth narcissism” because it is more subtle and less obvious than other forms of narcissism.
Covert narcissists often lack the grandiose sense of self-importance that is associated with overt narcissism and instead focus on manipulating people and situations to get their way.
They may also be more passive-aggressive and have a need to be in control of others.
Covert narcissists may also have difficulty expressing their emotions and tend to be highly sensitive to criticism.
5 Traits of a Covert Narcissist
- Grandiose sense of self-importance:
Covert narcissists may not outwardly express their grandiosity, but they often still feel as if they are superior to everyone else.
- Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love:
Covert narcissists may daydream about these things and feel entitled to them, but may not outwardly act in ways that would make them reality.
- Believing they are special and can only be understood by other special people:
Covert narcissists may feel as if they are misunderstood by the world, and that their brilliance is only appreciated by a select few.
- Need for excessive admiration:
Covert narcissists may crave admiration, but may be too shy or insecure to seek it out.
- Exploiting others without guilt or shame:
Covert narcissists may take advantage of others without empathy or remorse in order to further their own agenda.
The Covert Narcissist and Divorce
A covert narcissist is likely to act defensively during a divorce, as the process can be difficult for them to accept and process. They may try to manipulate the situation to their advantage, making it difficult for the other party to get what they want out of the divorce. They may also become hostile and aggressive, making it hard to have a civil conversation.
They may use tactics such as gaslighting, where they attempt to make the other party feel like they’re going crazy, as a means of trying to gain control of the situation. They may also be passive-aggressive or attempt to make the other party feel guilty for initiating the divorce.
The Covert Narcissist as a Co-Parent
A covert narcissist is likely to act defensively during a divorce, as the process can be difficult for them to accept and process. They may try to manipulate the situation to their advantage, making it difficult for the other party to get what they want out of the divorce. They may also become hostile and aggressive, making it hard to have a civil conversation.
You will be better served using parallel parenting instead of trying to co-parent with the covert narcissist. In parallel parenting, firm boundaries are set and communication is limited.
They may use tactics such as gaslighting, where they attempt to make the other party feel like they’re going crazy, as a means of trying to gain control of the situation. They may also be passive-aggressive or attempt to make the other party feel guilty for initiating the divorce.
Closing Thoughts on the Covert Narcissist
The covert narcissist is a dangerous and destructive personality type who can cause significant harm to their victims. They are often well-hidden and can be difficult to identify, making them even more dangerous.
Victims of covert narcissists need to be aware of the signs and symptoms so they can protect themselves and take steps to recover from the abuse. With help and guidance, victims can learn to recognize the behaviors of narcissists and take steps to protect themselves from future harm.