When you have children and are going through a divorce, the adults in the scenario are not the only individuals affected. It is important to keep the children’s best interests in mind. Kids are extremely resilient, but that does not mean that divorce does not have a negative effect on them. Even in the best of circumstances, children who are experiencing a parents’ divorce are navigating rocky waters along with them. Parents can help to mitigate some of the negative impacts of divorce on children if they work well together and protect their children from conflict.
Having a divorce coach by your side before, during and after divorce is the best way to ensure that as you take each necessary step through this difficult time, that you are supported, advised, and guided in the direction that will be best for you and your children.
How does divorce affect children?
Kids are affected just as much by divorce as their parents. They have to face serious life changes including having multiple homes, changing schools, missing other parents when they are separated, as well as facing excess conflict and stress. Studies have found that divorce affects children emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
Children of divorce are 300% more likely to need psychological help, such as a therapist or assistance from a school guidance counselor. They also tend to get lower grades than their peers and are twice as likely to attempt suicide when the parents’ divorce happens between the ages of 7 and 16.[1]
And as many people can attest who are getting divorced, the energy it takes and stress that compounds while enduring divorce can have a physical effect on the body. Children tend to face the same outcome. Children of divorce are 50% more likely to develop health problems and are 20% less physically healthy overall, with more injuries, asthma, headaches, speech impediments and ADHD.
When you are facing divorce, you need to do all you can to prevent negative outcomes for your children, yourself, and your future. The way that parents interact with one another during divorces is pivotal. You only get one chance to get your children through divorce in a healthy manner.
What are the major areas of concern for custody and co-parenting during divorce?
When divorces get ugly, there are usually two key aspects at the core of the conflict – money and the children. Some divorcees get sucked into inadvertently placing their children at the center of the drama, or using them as a pawn to leverage against their soon-to-be ex. This is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for your children. It is vital to keep your legal and custody matters compartmentalized from the children and keep them on a “need to know” basis.
Custody of children during a divorce has a lot to do with time and money. Courts will work with divorcing couples in determining which parent will have time with the children and when, as well as determining who will pay child support and how much. While many people who enter into custody hearings are there to support their children’s best interests, some exes approach the process with a lot of hostility which can end in more stress on the children and more money spent on attorneys.
Finally, custody battles set a tone of disagreement and animosity between divorcing parents. Data show that a custody battle leads to a lower likelihood that you’ll be able to successfully co-parent. It also means you’re more likely to litigate future disagreements in court as opposed to settling decisions together. [2]
How does a divorce coach help co-parenting and custody issues?
Hiring a divorce coach to be your trusted guide throughout the divorce process gives you a better chance at avoiding excess emotional stress and drama. It also helps you save money, time, and it reduces emotional damage for your kids.
When you are working with a divorce coach, you are gaining access to emotional support, a listening ear and someone who can help you make sound advice. A divorce coach will help you to approach each interaction with your ex in a way that is more stable, and they will help you keep your children’s best interest top-of-mind. Because of this, you and your ex may find yourselves engaging with more civility and, therefore, able to make custody decisions without ugly, lengthy court battles. This saves you money, time, and reduces your stress and the stress load on the children.
Being able to work together on custody issues paves the way for a better co-parenting situation. It may not ever be perfect, and there may be some disagreements in parenting style, rules, or holiday schedules, but divorce coaching will put you in the best place possible to navigate those bumps with enough stability to continue to co-parent as best as possible.
Sharp Divorce Coaching brings decades of family law and personal experience to the table to help clients find peace and emotional support throughout all stages of divorce. Based virtually, this service is open to anyone who needs help.
Connect with Sharp Divorce Coaching today to discuss your options.
References
[1] Statistics: Children & Divorce – accessed at https://www.owenbylaw.com/blog/2018/october/statistics-children-divorce
[2] Child Custody Battles | Downsides and Alternatives – accessed at https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/child-custody-battle.html
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