Quantify your contribution to your family in relation to the contribution of your partner / spouse / co-parent and apply the results to obtain meaningful future goals for your family.
I developed a product to settle one of the biggest and most frustrating arguments couples with children have, whether they are together, married, separated or divorced: When one of the parents work from home or stay at home to be the primary caregiver of their children, they get asked so many times: “What do You Do All Day?”
This goes back a long way to my own marriage, where I worked from home on our two businesses, so that I could be the primary caregiver of our children. It meant that I was essentially running on an average of four hours interrupted sleep a night, just so that I could be the best mother and nurturer to our children and maintain my responsibilities to ensure a feasible income at the same time. My husband (who is now my ex-husband and co-parent) often asked me “what do you do all day?” and I could never prove to him how hard I worked, how utterly overwhelmed I was by all my responsibilities and how ignorant he was of the duties of a primary care-giver combined with a business partner – and he still does not get it to this day. To add insult to injury, he claimed that I “made no contribution whatsoever” to justify a fair division of assets or any financial support from him during or after our divorce.
My story is by no means unique, as I have dealt with countless mothers and several fathers in similar situations since I launched this global educational initiative and started working as a divorce mentor. Validating and quantifying the effort of a work-from-home parent or a stay-at-home parent, has been impossible, until now. The Family Contribution Calculator is based on the principle that there are several aspects to a healthy and well-balanced family life, which require dedicated work and growth for every member of a family (parents and children) to flourish. I created the following aspects (categories): Physical, Financial, Educational & Vocational, Logistical & Practical, Relational & Social, Mental & Emotional and Spiritual. All of the categories are equally important and holistically valuable to a family as they are the foundation and building blocks for a prosperous future. Therefore each aspect consists of ten relevant responsibilities, duties and tasks to determine which parent takes care of what.
My initial vision was for the Family Contribution Calculator to provide an accurate measurement of the daily contributions of each parent / partner / co-parent to their own well-being and that of their children in each of the above categories, that would meet the needs of and benefit the whole family. But as I continued working on it, I realised that this tool will be much more than originally intended. Apart from settling the age old argument about who does what and who works the hardest, the results of this questionnaire can serve as the ground work for several valuable and even life-altering exercises, some of which are:
- Separated & divorced parents can apply this data to their mediation & negotiation process.
- Co-parents will find this an invaluable addition to the drafting of their parenting plan.
- Couples who are together & married can get an holistic understanding of the different aspects (categories) of a healthy and well-balanced family life.
- All parents (partners) can learn what constitutes each of these aspects, by signing up for my Co-Parenting Coaching on the best ways to serve their families in this regard.
- Families can use this for dividing responsibilities equally and planning & assigning necessary time and activity to each aspect.
- The Co-Parenting Coaching creates an opportunity to obtain tools and skills to reach particular family goals successfully.
- With coaching, parents / partners / co-parents can learn how to formulate and communicate the need for more support from their partner.
- Appreciation and respect for each other’s effort can be cultivated.
- This tool can be a means to being acknowledged for what parents do and assigning realistic value to it.
- With this information I hope to encourage families to celebrate each member’s contributions and also indicate how to support them in their role.
- And much more…
From the initial testing done with clients, it is evident that the Family Contribution Calendar brings about many improvements, positive adjustments and paradigm shifts in their lives. Click on the image to the left to get personal access to the Family Contribution Calendar, complete the questionnaire and receive your consolidated results via e-mail within 24 hours.
Once you have the results, sign up for my Co-Parenting Coaching that is based on the outcome of this calculator.
Posted by Sinta Ebersohn for www.fairdivorce.co.za at Stellenbosch
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