The average cost of a divorce can range from between $1500 for an uncontested divorce to over $15,000 for a contested divorce. If you are like most people, you want to end your marriage as cost-effectively as possible. In the article below, you can learn some ways to save on the cost of a divorce.

My Divorce is Going to Cost How Much?!

By Craig G. Kallen III, J.D.

Whatever happened to the $500 Divorce? Well, I can tell you that as our lives grow more complex, so do our divorces. As divorces become more and more complex, they become more and more expensive. So, is there anything we can do to save on legal expenses as we proceed through the minefield of divorce? The answer is a resounding, yes. The key is to know how many issues are out there and how we can resolve them to our satisfaction with the least amount of conflict.

We need to prepare for our divorces at least as much as we planned our weddings. That’s right, just as you planned your gown, cake, caterer, church and honeymoon, you need to make a road map for your divorce. If you don’t you will get lost and it will cost you to find your way home.

The purpose of this article is to let you in on all the possible ways to pay for a lawyer. Just knowing these different formats will help you decide which way to go.

Flat Fees:

The first, and best in my opinion, is to pay your lawyer a flat fee for handling your divorce from start to finish. This method is the only way to guarantee how much you will pay your lawyer. The key of course is setting the amount of the flat fee.

I suggest that for every one of the following contested issues, that you be willing to pay a $1000 flat fee: Child Custody, Child Support, Maintenance, Division of Property, and Division of a Retirement Account. Therefore, if you will not be able to agree with your spouse on all five (5) issues, a good flat fee would be $5000; if you just have one contested issue, $1000. If you are lucky enough to have no contested issues, $1000 or less is appropriate.

Hourly Fees:

The second, and by far more complicated, is paying a lawyer by the amount of time he/she spends on your case. This is by far the most utilized arrangement due to the uncertainty over how long it will take to resolve a divorce case.

• I would first try to negotiate a flat fee as described above, but if that is not possible, try to negotiate the lowest hourly rate possible. Don’t be afraid to haggle. Let the lawyer know that you have shopped around and have found lower hourly rates. 
• Second, negotiate a lower retainer. 
• Third, examine each and every bill you receive closely. Call the lawyer with any discrepancy that you find. 
• Fourth, insist that any major work be first met with your approval. These distinctions should give you some leg up when it comes to a final tally of your bill. 

Whether you pay a flat fee or hourly fees, the tips above will help save on the cost of a divorce. 

“The Secret To Saving Legal Fees”, written by Craig G. Kallen III, shares with the reader helpful hints that can make a big difference on both the outcome and expense of divorce litigation. The book was written for the benefit of the client using the insight of a lawyer who has practiced at the trial court level for over a decade.

Controlling the cost of a divorce is important, especially when you are faced with living on one income. Instead of taking your spouse to court merely for the sake of revenge, it is better to work out as many issues as possible. If you can work out all the issues, you can avoid a costly contested divorce.

The following subjects also deal with the issues to consider when facing divorce: 

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   Divorce
   

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   How to Get a Divorce
   

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   Saving on the Cost of a Divorce
   

Divorce can be a bit like a special club that you never anticipated having access to. That time before divorce is confusing, hurtful, and a host of other emotions. Once you’re on the other side, you truly can see clearly again.

So, if you’re in the fog and not sure what to expect, you’re not alone. Trust me, even with the best of advice and resources, every person who’s going through a divorce is unique and has some level of anxiety about it.

While I don’t recommend listening to just any old advice about divorce, I do recommend seeking out people who have experience with it to guide you, both when speaking candidly with others and when seeking expert support (like a mediator, financial advisor, and so on).

As such, I asked a group of divorced and soon-to-be divorced women, “What do you wish you knew before your divorce?” I got so many responses, I couldn’t fit them into one (or even two!) blog posts! 

(Both of my previous posts were full of info about insurance, the process, and future ramifications and things to expect. The first, 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce, is here and the follow up, 5 (More) Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce, can be found here.)

I hope this post serves as a final (for now) installment of what to expect before your divorce and you can be even more prepared about what’s to come. After all, the more knowledge of a topic you have, the more rational and logical you can be when approaching these emotionally-charged situations.

The Power of Mediation

One person said, “I wish I fought for more in mediation or took my ex to court. I was worried about costs.”

Some people need more guidance about how hard they should or should not “fight” for things, especially if they are non-negotiables and they’ll help you to thrive post-divorce. The reality is that lots of people throw their hands up and say it isn’t worth it, they’re not going to the trouble to fight for it, and so on. I see this a lot especially in abusive relationships. Many people are just done and walk to walk away and that’s very understandable.

However, what happens during mediation or any court proceedings will greatly affect how you’re setting yourself up for the rest of your life. Making an informed decision whether you should fight for something is critical.

This is why I am a huge advocate for mediation. It gives you the greatest control over the outcome (versus leaving it in the hands of the court) and it allows you to have productive, fruitful conversations.

I have seen that couples with the most animosity and the largest gap between them can have very successful mediations as the tension is greatly reduced and there’s a third party to broker a conversation for them (rather than pointing fingers).

Key Lesson: What happens during the divorce proceedings will greatly affect your ability to support yourself financially and independently post-divorce. Identify what will make the greatest impact for you and use tools like meditation to help you go after it.

Further Reading: The Best Kept Secret of Mediation

Know What’s Important to You

On the other side of the coin, some people say, “Fight for everything!” If you want to spend thousands to fight over a toaster, go for it. That said, I heartily disagree with the statement of “Don’t settle! Fight for everything.” At the end of the day, you’re not going to get your way 100% of the time and thinking that you can will waste time and money.

Be prepared with things you must walk away with and know your limits: What must you have or what must you keep (the house, including the toaster?) in order to protect yourself and be able to set yourself up for a strong future?

Along with that, know what isn’t worth fighting over. Perhaps your ex is really into collecting toasters and you decide to let them have that toaster because you know the energy expended being petty about it could be spent better elsewhere. You get the idea.

Key Lesson: Prepare yourself by having a clear idea of what needs you must have met, what you don’t need to worry about, and what you’re willing to negotiate on (along with your good-better-best in terms of negotiation outcomes) so you can thrive after your divorce.

Further Reading: Bridge the Divide: Negotiations in Mediation | The Divorce Resource Bundle or the Negotiations Skills E-Book

What to Do About Car Insurance for Dependents

Expenses for your children will have to be discussed, especially if you’re splitting financial and other parenting responsibilities. As I wrote in 5 (More) Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce, 

“Having a clear plan on what you wish to do as your children grow up is one benefit of mediation; you can talk about things that don’t fall within the state’s parameters for your separation agreement. A parenting plan may seem silly as you don’t need to do much “parenting” after a certain age, but it will help you to set guidelines for how you as parents continue to support your children.”

That is especially true when it comes to things like car insurance, cell phones, and other expenses, as well as being on the same page (or at least in the same book) with expectations, curfews, consequences, and the like.

As with health insurance, it may be up to the primary parent to provide coverage. Or you may wish to tell your child that it is their financial expectation to cover things related to “their” belongings. (I use “their” in quotations because even if you paid for the car, it could be called the child’s vehicle and any related maintenance and legal needs are now their responsibility.)

The reality is that while you may not be wife and husband, you are still mom and dad and there will be conversations related to your children that you need to consider either before your divorce or in a post-divorce mediation session. 

Should you choose mediation when you are divorcing, your mediator can help you think of things related to your dependents even if the events (like car insurance or college) are down the road.

Key Lesson: Decide on a plan for things like this ahead of time to avoid conflict and be on the same page as co-parents.

Further Reading: How to Handle Parenting Expenses After Divorce

State-Based Laws and Documents

The legal process and laws vary from state to state. Keep that in mind if you’re asking questions in public forums. Also, keep that in mind as you do research online. Having a professional in place to guide you can help you better understand your rights is empowering. 

Being organized and prepared with questions, documents, signed statements, and so on is also very important. Different states require different documents. The most successful clients I’ve had have been the ones who are well-organized.

Key Lesson: Know your rights for your specific state – hire a professional to help you think through all the pieces of your unique situation.

Further Reading: How to Stay Organized During the Divorce Process

How Much Happier I Would Be

I mentioned this at the end of my 5 (More) Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce post, but I think it deserves its own special section. It’s true that this time is incredibly stressful. Before my divorce, I spent a lot of time worrying. I now see that it was unnecessary, but I also see that it was part of my process.

I would encourage you not to compare your journey to others. I would also encourage you to feel what you’re feeling in the moment. Don’t try to brush the sad or bad feelings away. They call it the divorce process for a reason – it’s a series of steps and actions and each step introduces new situations and feelings. 

There will be a time to move through your emotions and, eventually, you will feel better. Dare I say: You will be much happier than you were before because you’re doing what’s most right for you. Give yourself grace; you’re doing just fine.

Key Lesson: You’re doing what’s best for you – you’re moving toward aligning what you really want with your current reality. If it still feels like a struggle, you’re simply not at the end yet – and that’s okay. You’ll get there and be so much happier because of this whole process.

Further Reading: Dealing With a Breakup: 4 Simple Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

At the End of the Day…

Before your divorce, you don’t know what you don’t know. But, hopefully with expert advice and guidance from those who A) know your current reality and B) can offer a level of empathy to that, you’ll come out on the other side ready to thrive!

Protecting assets in a divorce becomes critical if one spouse is out for revenge or determined to “win” at all costs. So what can you do if you suspect that your spouse is hiding marital assets or selling off property without your knowledge? The first thing to do is to get proactive about your situation. For tips on how to proceed, read the following article:

Conversion or Depletion of Marital Assets

An excerpt from Quickie Divorce, by Attorney Linda H. Connell

Dissipation of marital assets occurs when one spouse, either before or during the divorce proceedings, takes action to conceal or use up marital property. This can be accomplished by removing items from the home or, in some cases, from the spouse’s business so that the innocent spouse has no access to the property. Spending down bank accounts or selling marital or business property and hiding the proceeds are other methods by which marital property is drained.

Protecting Assets in a Divorce

The best way to protect marital property is to do so before there is a divorce situation. Removing items of personal property to a safe location before informing your spouse that you will be seeking a divorce is usually a better option than trying to recover them from his or her possession afterward.

Opening a separate bank account, if you do not already have one, is also a good idea. However, take care not to remove more than your fair share of the marital property, or you may end up as the one being accused of depletion of assets. (Check out the following article for more information: Divorce & Bank Accounts.)

Getting a Protective Order for Property

In the event you have not already taken steps to protect your property, and you now find yourself in the position of having to safeguard your assets on an emergency basis, you may seek a protective order for the property.

This will be similar to obtaining a temporary restraining order in an abuse case, in that you may appear in court on an ex parte basis, and provide notice and an opportunity for a hearing after the order is granted. Doing so will avoid tipping off your spouse that you are seeking to protect the property.

Remedies for Dissipation of Marital Assets

If your spouse does hide, destroy, or spend the asset before you are able to secure a protective order, or in spite of an order you actually were able to obtain, the court can provide some sort of remedy after the fact. When it comes time to divide marital property in the divorce decree, the judge should take into account any assets that one party dissipated, and lessen that party’s share of the marital estate by the amount wasted.

Such a result can put you back in your original position monetarily; however, if the item that disappeared had sentimental value, such as a piece of heirloom jewelry from one of your relatives, the dollar value you receive in the property division may well be insufficient to make up for what you lost.

About the Author: Linda H. Connell graduated from Notre Dame Law School and has worked in both general practice in Chicago and as a municipal attorney for the City of Joliet. Preferring writing and legal research to litigation, she joined a legal study aide organization in the editorial department. Later on, she went into business for herself as a writer of books providing a simple English explanation of the law.

For more information on protecting assets in a divorce, as well as what to consider when negotiating your divorce settlement, keep reading:

9 Places Your Spouse May Hide Assets

Avoiding Divorce Settlement Mistakes

Dissipated Marital Assets

Divorce Considerations

Financially Prepare for a Divorce

Using a Forensic Accountant

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   Protecting Assets in a Divorce