Aap logo ne itne comments me request ki I had to make this video for you ! But after seeing my mum crying I won’t make such videos so next time do give some other type of tasks. Nevertheless yeh video zarur dekhna aur meri Maa ka reaction in the end miss mat karna.
I prank my mother-in-law about fight with my husband and told that I am leaving the house and divorcing my husband !
Let me know how did you like the video and comments me zarur apni feeling share karna !
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I began watching “Maid” on Netflix. I’m two episodes in and other than when they are saying, “Legal, legal, legal, legal”, which managed to really confuse me, I found it very realistic. In the beginning, when she was speaking to the woman at social services, she didn’t acknowledge that what she went through was abuse. When she had flashbacks, it was clear to the viewer, this was an abusive relationship.
Acknowledging You’re In An Abusive Relationship
Once someone becomes part of this cycle of abuse, it’s not uncommon for them to diminish it. I have met many people who claim they weren’t abused. Only to reveal after more questions, how they were insulted, disparaged, screamed at, or assaulted. Sometimes the phrase is, “It didn’t happen that often”. Or, “It’s only when he/she is drinking.” I remind them, it’s still abuse.
It’s also typical not to call the police. When I ask people why not they tell me they were embarrassed or afraid to call the police. “It blew over” or “they apologized the next day.” They didn’t make a record of it and often hid the truth from friends and family.
I represented a beautiful young woman in an uncontested case. She only wanted to get her children and get out. She didn’t tell me what was going on in the home. She never showed me the pictures of the bruises on her neck and arms. Later, he filed a case against her, and it was her dad who told me about the abuse as he cried for his daughter and what she had been through.
Sean begging her to come back and not to make a big deal out of it, are all classic behaviors. They are always sorry, but for how long? If you find yourself in a cycle of being put down or yelled at one day and the next being praised and petted, look out. They may treat you like garbage, but they really don’t want you to go. They need your attention. They need your support. They need you to love them. And expect it, despite the way they treat you.
She left without a plan, without money, without seeing an attorney, without any support. Clearly, not the best way to handle it and the court deemed it best to leave Matty with Sean. What should she have done differently?
What to Do Before You Decide to Leave Your Abusive Partner?
Get a plan before you leave. He had been abusive in the past and while this rage was the worst, she seemed to know his propensity to anger and emotional abuse. The first time someone causes you to feel small, scared, terrified, shocked, or trapped, that’s the time to start thinking of leaving them. Outwardly you may be willing to give them another chance or ten more chances, but don’t ever leave yourself in such a vulnerable position that you leave with less than $20.00 and no job or place to live. If you must stay; you can still be smart in other ways.
Find support from someone who understands what you are going through. She didn’t seek help until after the fact. As her friend told her, you need an advocate. Yes! She could’ve had the advocate to assist her when she was faltering in front of the commissioner. She didn’t have to face the court alone.
Get the court to intervene before they do. But what about money? I know, it’s hard without money to get a lawyer. But there are legal services who help if there is domestic violence. You can also file something with the court without a lawyer, in Alabama, a Protection from Abuse. Do not run with your child without seeking legal help! Because if you do, you are likely to be in the same position as her. The court doesn’t know what you don’t tell them, and you can’t leave the house with a child or children without a plan and expect that to go well. If you abscond with your child, you may be the one who gets in trouble even if they are the ones who are violent.
Start your healing process. I applaud her for journaling and sharing her story with her friend in the shelter. This is part of the healing process. I would suggest she get professional help as soon as possible too. As the manager of the shelter was saying, many times people go back to abusers.
Before she left the court she should have insisted on a schedule of visitation with her daughter. She turned up thinking she could just walk in and see her. Doesn’t happen. Once the wheels of justice are moving, you’ve got to move quickly or get run over. After she left, she should document the way the mom refused her access. The commissioner told her she could visit, and the mom was being petty and hurtful. Not to mention smoking in the house!
I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of the series and I’m rooting for her. I wish I could crawl into the screen and represent her. He would hear every abusive word he said to her parroted back to him on cross-examination. But for now, I can only write this for all the young women like her who need help.
If you are in this situation and don’t know where to turn, you can call my office for a free consultation. We will help guide you when you need it most.
It’s that one constant in life: change. A new home, a never-thought-I-could-do-this career move, the death of a loved one, getting used to life after divorce….They’re all about change, movement, growth…and adapting.
Some change you expect, whether you welcome it or futilely wish it away. There is, after all, a reason those in-the-know say that aging isn’t for sissies, despite the irony of its blessing.
Some change happens on a dime, and it can just as easily be for profit as for loss.
Some change comes from tragedy — split-second, terrifying, incomprehensible, forever life-altering.
And some change happens with your full awareness and full participation, regardless of any prescience of the outcome.
Divorce, despite its collective branding, is unique to every couple. It is also unique to each individual within that couple.
There are, after all, multiple histories that build the foundation of every relationship.
And, if and when you leave that relationship, you will leave with a new history.
You will always have your personal early chapters. But relationships can shift the way even those are read and ultimately perceived.
You will also have new chapters. Chapters influenced by the melding of two histories in the creation of a new history. And chapters rich in individual character development that can serve as the starting point for a new, expanded story.
In TV lingo, it’s a spin-off.
In relationship lingo, it’s getting used to life after divorce or a breakup.
Whether or not you want(ed) your divorce, your new life will be filled with change.
Some will frighten you. Some will excite you. Some will baffle you. Some will exhaust you.
The constant in all of this change is you. And therefore, getting used to life after divorce is going to be part of a new history that you write.
What do you need to know to set yourself up for success?
Here are 7 snippets of insight and wisdom to help you regain control of your life without being thrown off-track by the unpredictable.
You will experience a lot of emotions. You just will. Embrace them.
You basked in emotions when you were dating and planning your wedding. All that euphoria, anticipation, and dreamy-eyed wonder about marital bliss. All those shades of white for your picket fence.
Sigh. Life was so uncomplicated then.
And now? Now it’s all heartache, anger, and disappointment. What the hell happened?
Life changes bring everything up. They’re like the once-a-decade move-all-the-furniture house cleaning. Cobwebs and lost Legos everywhere. Streaming sunlight making a marquee of all your dust.
You know it will all come together at some point, but right now you’re feeling a bit Agnostic.
It may be a while before you’re able to look back and say, “My life got better after divorce.” But, if you can at least accept the emotional ebbs and flows as messengers of vital information, you’ll be pointed in the right direction.
And know that there are always camaraderie, support, and expert help available.
Your emotions may be yours alone. But you don’t have to navigate them alone.
You will journey through grief, even if you wanted your divorce. Embrace it.
You don’t have to be pining for your ex to grieve the loss of your marriage. You were half of that union, so losing it is like losing part of yourself.
You were vested — body, mind, and soul — in your marriage.
Grief is, despite its undesirability, an acknowledgment of that investment. Looked at positively, it is a process of remembering what is worth our efforts, even when we don’t get what we were hoping for.
As if the loss of your marriage isn’t bad enough, now you have to permanently change your invite list.
People will always take sides, even without malintent, especially if a divorce isn’t amicable. It can be messy for everyone, not just the couple.
Take a deep breath and strive to remember your gratitude for the experience of those alliances in your life. Spend time with the lessons they taught you, even as you grieve the loss (perhaps only temporary) of treasured friendships.
Remember that everyone is on a unique journey. And you were part of their journeys just as they were part of yours.
You will make new friends during and after your divorce. Welcome them into your life.
Life is funny that way. It removes things from your path so you can see clearly what it has gifted you just up ahead.
And so it is with friendships, alliances, and even love.
You are on a new path. You have new feelings, new hopes, new needs. Do you honestly think life would neglect you when it is asking so much of you?
Welcome the unexpected. You never know when your lifelong greatest friend is going to be one accidental encounter away.
Your new post-divorce life will ask you to do things you’ve never done before. Embrace the challenge to learn and grow.
Whether it’s learning finances or re-entering the work field or doing your own laundry, getting used to life after divorce will challenge you.
It can be tough to remember this when you’re emotionally wiped out. But your life has great purpose. And, no matter how much you may lament the frustration of realizing it, it is aligned with all you need to achieve it.
Acknowledge the frustration, but embrace the opportunity to grow.
You will find yourself standing in front of the proverbial mirror a lot. Look closely. Change what doesn’t serve you, but learn to really love the person looking back at you.
Tough not to blame your ex for the failure of your marriage, isn’t it? He just didn’t get me. She didn’t appreciate me. He ignored. She nagged.
Even if your marriage had an imbalance in fault, there is always enough responsibility to go around.
If you’re going to take credit for the good stuff, you have to own your share of the no-so-good too.
Getting used to life after divorce is, to a great extent, about getting reacquainted with yourself.
It’s easy to get lost in the “us” role of marriage. Unfortunately, it comes at the expense of knowing, caring for, and taking responsibility for yourself.
But now is the time to take a deeper look.
What do you love about yourself? What could use some work? How did you contribute to the demise of your marriage, even if that contribution was neglect or avoidance?
What do you still need to acknowledge, heal, strengthen inside yourself so you can be part of a more vital relationship in the future?
Every relationship is a mirror. And none is more important than the mirror you hold up to yourself.
You will come to realize that you are stronger than you ever imagined.
You build strength with increased load, repetition, and time. It’s the presence of change and challenge that increases the load, decreases your endurance, and makes you sore for a while.
And it’s the presence of perseverance that gives unlimited promise to all that sweat equity.
Getting used to life after divorce is no more an overnight achievement than getting to the point of divorce was. It’s a process.
And the success of that process will be determined by you.
You will never know all that’s around the corner in this “new life.” But your willingness to look around the corner as you walk down a new street will open your life to endless possibilities.
If you’re divorced, there will likely come a time when you’re ready to get back out there and find love once again. But, keep in mind that scammers on online dating sites are always looking for easy targets and you’re profile may make you seem more vulnerable than you actually are.
Internet romance scams are sprouting in almost every corner of the internet and anyone who has online access is a target to scammers. Each year, hundreds of thousands of people fall for internet romance scams and this is costing hundreds of millions of dollars for the victims. Just in the U.S. alone, the annual tally was recently estimated to be around $230 million. This is quite a sum but this is actually just a small portion of the actual losses since only around 15% of internet romance scam incidences are reported. In addition to this, almost nobody is able to recover money lost via online dating scams; which is why various government agencies are focusing on prevention. Below is a list of what you can do to avoid falling victim to internet romance scams in 2021.
Use the Dating Site for their App for Initial Conversations
Fraudsters will want to quickly move to a platform of their choice so that they can start phishing for your information. Beware of someone wanting to get too close too soon.
Pay Attention to Details
Liars get caught in the details so be sure to pay attention to what someone says about himself or herself. Try to verify information if you can.
Watch Out for Text Scripts
Scam artists know what to say to manipulate anyone so if something sounds too good to be true or too well written, you can scan the web to check if they’re common text scripts used in online dating scams.
Check Where Emails Come From
If you doubt where someone is, you can follow online tutorials on how to check the IP addresses of emails to know if the sender is at least where they claim to be.
Scrutinize Photos
Fraudsters use fake photos that you can easily verify via a reverse image search or Google search. If the same photo shows up with another name attached to it, then you likely almost fell for an online dating scam.
Double Check Where Photos Are Taken
You can check where an image was taken by looking up its metadata. Some scam artists forget to change this when using fake photos.
Use Video Chat for Verification
A catfish or a fake will make up reasons not to use video chat. Using video chat can also make sure that you are talking live to someone and it would be harder for them to lie that way.
Do Not Accept Social Media Contacts from People You Do Not Know
Scammers often pose as someone else to fish for information that they can use to make you fall for them.
Know That Soldiers Won’t Ask for Your Money
Fraudsters commonly pose as soldiers who are stuck on a mission in another country. They will pretend that they need your money to go home because their mission is top secret and cannot be charged on their card. Classified information like this won’t be leaked by real soldiers no matter what.
Do Not Send Money to People You Have Not Met in Person
Anyone can pretend to be anybody online. Someone who is faking things will go away if they cannot get anything material from you. Never send money to people you haven’t spent time with and person and completely trust.
Now that you are armed with these handy tips, you can better take control of your online search for a new soul mate. Just remember to take the reins and really know who you’re dating, before you fall in love once again.
Michael Smith
Michael Smith is a relationship blogger for Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc. They are a full-service private investigation agency located in Toronto, which specializes in cheating spouse investigations. To learn more about Haywood Hunt & Associates and how they can help click https://www.thedivorceangels.com/vendor/haywood-hunt/
Welcome again to the Rich Side, building a multi millions or multi billions company takes ages or even decades to reach, but sometimes it just a blink of an eye for the judge to hit the hammer on the table and boom, new billionaires are born.
in this video we will go over the top 10 richest women who got all their money and wealth from divorce, successful and rich women on this list got their money from divorcing their husband billionaires.
Somewhere in a one-in-a-million fortune cookie is written all you need to know if you want to live a happy life. (And on the flip side of that pearl of wisdom are your guaranteed winning numbers for the upcoming Lotto.)
You and I both know, of course, that winning a jackpot won’t guarantee a happy life. Genuine, lifelong happiness is more complex — and, ironically, simpler — than that.
And, while Confucius may tell you the key to being happy, we know it’s not that simple.
Ultimately, if you want to live a happy life, you’re going to have to journey inside yourself.
But there are also things you would do well not to do if you’re seeking the Holy Grail of bliss.
So today we’re turning the mirror onto things you might be doing to stand in the way of your own happiness.
Here are 7 things to stop doing if you want to live a happy life.
Living in the past.
You can’t change it. You may have regrets and choices you wish you could change. But languishing in them only serves to perpetuate them.
More importantly, living in the past robs you of today. And today — this hour, this moment — is where life is.
”But I was my happiest when I (fill in the blank)….But I can’t get over (fill in the blank).”
If these roadblocks keep detouring you from the scenic view of your life, ask them what they want to teach you.
Do you have amends to make with people? Make them.
Are there things you need to simply accept? Accept them.
Do you have things you loved doing but gave up? Resurrect them. Reinvent them. Discover new passions.
Whatever you do, thank the past for its contribution to your life and leave it in the rear-view mirror.
Living in the future.
If you want to live a happy life, living anywhere but in the present will rob you of that treasure.
Yes, even living in the future.
”But what about my dreams and goals? Those are about the future.”
Absolutely. And you should never give them up. Dreams inspire, motivate, energize. And they are actually a component of a happy life.
However, if you dangle them before your life as a condition for being happy now, you are living in the future.
Not listening to your inner voice.
It’s there for a reason. Your inner voice, intuition, gut feeling — it’s your God-given compass.
Your inner voice not only warns you when something isn’t safe or right. It also tugs at your heart when something is right.
It is just as easy to ignore your calling as it is to ignore a warning.
Whether fear of failure or lack of trust in yourself causes you to ignore your inner voice, your happiness needs you to step up and listen. As Rumi wrote, “Respond to anything that excites your spirit.”
Holding onto grudges.
You don’t have to go to church to be reminded that forgiveness is for the one forgiving.
Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive places a weight on your shoulders. It forces you to keep the wound open and the memory of injury alive.
There is nothing about forgiveness that expects forgetting. Refusing to hold onto grudges is simply a way of releasing others to their own lessons and journeys.
It’s also a reminder to yourself that happiness is light, and grudges are heavy.
Let go of what doesn’t serve you and feel the immediate lift.
Trying to fix other people.
It really is so much easier to focus corrective energy on others rather than on yourself, isn’t it?
After all, you know what’s right, best, and proper, and those who don’t subscribe to your program need your intervention.
Getting the rest of the world in line makes your world make more sense, helps you feel in control of your life.
But falling into this trap only serves to narrow your life and prevent your genuine happiness. It leads you toward unacceptance, intolerance, and self-righteousness.
Consider shifting your fix-it focus to a philanthropic heart. Helping others in need has a beautiful way of expanding the heart and mindset.
By focusing on improving someone’s circumstances, you forget about trying to fix the person.
Seeking perfection.
Striving for excellence in the various areas of your life is an admirable quality.
But expecting perfection as a condition for love and happiness is an unhealthy (and learned) mindset.
Perfectionists are often locked in a pattern they learned in childhood. “If I make a mistake, I get punished. If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m not lovable.”
If taking a risk that leaves the door wide open to mistakes makes you uneasy, then you’re probably where you need to be.
We’re all here to learn and grow. And, if it gives you a boost of confidence, just think of all the amazing inventions that were born out of mistakes!
Comparing yourself to others.
Be you. Do you. Express gratitude for your life, your journey, your uniqueness.
There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition in the right context. But comparing yourself to others as a gauge for your right to happiness will always leave you wanting more.
So be you. Share your unique gifts with the world that greatly needs them.
After all, you know the saying: “Everyone else is taken.”
Finally, there is one “must-do” to top off this list of “don’ts” if you want to live a happy life.
Smile. Curl those corners upward and feel your spirits follow suit.
Call it putting the cart before the horse or faking it ‘til you make it. But a smile tells the world — and yourself — exactly how you intend to live your life.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn and I’m a life coach. Schedule a 30-minute private consultation for support in putting together the pieces so you can create a happy and healthy life for yourself.
Looking for more information about how to live a happy and healthy life? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Building A Happy Life.
Divorce is the result of everything that happened leading up to it and it sets the stage for everything that happens after. Due to the stigma surrounding divorce, the opportunities that it creates are often buried beneath guilt, shame, hurt, and judgment. In this truth-telling talk, Christian Family shows that divorce isn’t necessarily a hero, but it isn’t a villain either. Christian Family is a speaker, facilitator, attorney and entrepreneur. As a twice-divorced, adult child of divorce, divorce lawyer for nearly 20 years, Christian knows a l lot about the topic. She is passionate about removing the stigma from divorce that causes good people to stay in bad marriages.
Christian is the owner of Christian Family Law, a graduate of Next Level Emotional Intelligence Trainings, and the mother of three little ones. Her parents, who divorced when she was seven, both live with her and the children. She truly lives the proposition that divorce doesn’t destroy families, it restructures them. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
Keeping the house in a divorce is usually everyone’s first thought when newly separated. It’s almost a gut instinct. “I just want to keep the house.” “All I care about is that I can stay in the house.” “I’m not leaving my house.”
It’s understandable. No matter how positive or negative the marriage was, your house is your safe place. It’s comfortable, it’s what you know, it’s what the children know, it’s easier to stay there, you like your neighbors, you are familiar with the house, and there are parts of it that are near and dear to you because of memories and past good times.
All that said, the reality is, keeping the house in a divorce isn’t always the best option. Let’s back up.
There are three ways to divide a house in a divorce:
1. One spouse buys out the others interest and keeps the house. 2. The couple sells the house and divides the proceeds. 3. The couple chooses a delayed sale, which in my opinion is the least advantageous option. A delayed sale is when one spouse keeps and lives in the house for a specific period, which is typically when the youngest child turns 18, at which time the house can be sold.
Here are the reasons a delayed sale is not a good idea:
1. If you are both on the mortgage, you are at the mercy of each other’s credit. So, for example, if your ex makes a late payment or doesn’t pay the mortgage one month, this will affect your credit as well.
2. Circumstances can change. Even if the couple agrees to be amicable and professional for the purposes of keeping the house together, things could look very different in their relationship if for example, one of the partners decides to get married again, or even meets someone. This could enrage the other partner, who could then become difficult to co-manage home issues.
3. If there are home maintenance issues, even costly things like a roof repair or plumbing problems, who is going to pay? A couple going through a divorce has plenty of issues to figure out, and this would add to their plate. Plus, it might be an issue that needs addressed immediately.
4. Owning a home together for a longer period of time could end up costing more in attorney’s fees.
5. Suppose your ex neglects to pay a handyman or any contractor and they put a lien on your home, you cannot sell until it is paid off.
The best way to decide if you are keeping the house in a divorce is to make three phone calls (not including your divorce attorney):
Give these people the freedom to talk with each other about your situation so that they can make suggestions on what they think is the best choice for you financially. Then it’s up to you to decide. The good news is, when you have information, you are empowered and making life decisions is so much easier.
I’d love to help you with the real estate piece of your divorce. I have been a real estate agent for 20 years with specific education and training in divorce real estate. I have also personally gone through a divorce so I understand you, and I know the process—what can happen if you don’t have all the information you need.
Divorce attorneys can be wonderful, but most don’t know the specifics of what really goes into buying and/or selling a home during a divorce, and all the details that are different from buying/selling a home if you are a married couple or a single person.
Keeping the house in a divorce (or deciding to sell it) is a huge decision, and not one that can be made overnight. It’s an emotional, scary and stressful decision, but having information and solid professionals surrounding you makes it so much easier, and will help you make the right choice for you and for your children. I’m here to listen if you need me.
Leslie Glazier is an @Properties Top 100 Broker in Chicago with 20 years of experience in the industry. She’s known for the personable and knowledgeable service she brings to both buyers and sellers in the real estate market. In addition to her real estate expertise, Leslie is also an Accredited Home Stager and a Certified Divorce Real Estate Specialist, helping clients navigate the process of divorce that involves shared property. Learn more here.
This probably comes as no great shock, but divorce can be expensive.
There are attorney’s fees, court costs, child support, alimony, and any number of additional expenses. For the most part, these are all obvious, expected parts of the process.
You likely anticipate these expenditures and more. Still, there are a number of less apparent costs to divorce, things that can seemingly come out of nowhere and financially blindside you.
Ending your marriage can have a huge impact on your financial future and your long-term economic well-being may hang in the balance. Here are a few pitfalls to look out for and a few ways to safeguard your interests.
Divorce Is Difficult Enough Without Being Financially Blindsided
Tax Changes
Not only will your filing status change drastically after a divorce—you’re no longer married, after all, hence, you can no longer file as a couple—but there are other tax factors to take into account. The division of property can have a substantial and unexpected impact in this area.
Capital gains taxes can come into play following your divorce settlement and may show up anywhere from real estate transactions to investments and beyond. At the same time, not all property is created equal in this regard, and various assets may be treated differently.
For example, the sale of a principal residence may not necessarily be taxed depending on how much gain exists—there’s a cap gain fee for individuals as well as couples, which varies from state to state. On the other hand, if you withdraw money from a retirement fund like an IRA, 401k, or pension, you may be taxed the full rate.
Credit Surprises
Another realm that often flies under the radar in divorce is how it can impact your credit. Once your marriage is dissolved, your ex’s financial doings cease to have any impact on yours. Both parties will apply for credit cards, loans, and the like as individuals, and you will be your own economic entity. That’s fantastic, but depending on the situation, your former spouse can still influence your wallet.
Getting a divorce doesn’t automatically change any pre-existing agreements you and your ex entered into as a couple. If you have a mortgage, a car loan, or amassed any shared debt during your marriage, you’re still on the hook for that.
Ideally, these concerns will be addressed in your divorce settlement. The court may order one of you to pay a joint debt, and in a perfect world, that’s precisely what will happen. But as you’re probably well aware, we don’t live in a perfect world. If your spouse is ordered to take care of a debt with your name attached but doesn’t, it can negatively impact your credit and you may even wind up in collections.
The final agreement—whether it’s an arrangement you and your ex arrived at together or one that was handed down by the court—can include provisions for this type of situation. Your former spouse may be ordered to refinance a particular loan in his or her name alone by a specific date. Still, it never hurts to keep an eye out and make sure that this actually happens.
Changes In Living Situation
This probably sounds obvious, but you may be surprised how often people fail to account for the expense of finding a new place to sleep. Odds are very good that, by the time your divorce is finalized, you’ll already be living apart. Frequently these accommodations are transitory in nature and acquired in haste.
Moving forward, you may well want to set down more permanent roots, which can incur costs. This will vary depending on if you rent or buy, but there are deposits, down payments, and a bevy of other outlays to consider. Buying furniture and a new set of kitchenware can be pricey.
Even if you remain in the marital home, you may be faced with covering all of the bills from a single paycheck for the first time. If a suitable agreement can’t be reached, you may wind up selling a shared house. In these situations, assets may be sold quickly and with a mind for convenience rather than for optimal value.
Gaps In Health Insurance
Health insurance is not only important, you know, for your continued health and well-being in the face of illness and injury, but as it is now mandatory, you can incur substantial tax penalties if you are uncovered. If you were previously shielded under your spouse’s plan, after divorce you may be open to fines, or have to pay out of pocket for any medical care.
If you don’t have coverage through an employer, it’s possible to continue hanging onto your ex’s plan through COBRA for up to 36 months, though that can be expensive. You can also look into getting less expensive health insurance through the Affordable Care Act in your state. If this is your situation and you know that it’s coming, you may want to examine your options ahead of time and get everything sorted out by the time the final agreement is signed.
Guard Against Surprise Expenses
While these and other costs may blindside you during and after the divorce process, there are ways to safeguard your pocketbook and ensure you start the next phase of your life on sound financial footing.
One of the biggest missteps many people make in divorce is not budgeting. It’s way too easy to lose track of your expenses as they mount, and far too few people take the time and effort to set out a specific plan. And then you have to stick to this roadmap, which is a whole other hurdle.
Overestimating what you have and underestimating what you spend are common problems. When you pay for an attorney, shell out for court costs, cover the upkeep on your home, or even pay child and spousal support, it adds up quickly. Setting and adhering to a budget may be a pain initially, but it will serve you well in the long run.
You may also be leaving valuable assets on the table during the division of property. While some resources are easy to put a price tag on, like bank accounts or loan debt, others can be trickier. A car or house may be worth a specific dollar amount on paper, but when it comes to liquidating them, you may not always be able to get that much.
People also overvalue items that have emotional significance. How important these possessions are to us may not reflect a real-world value, and you run a couple of risks in these situations. First, you may spend a great amount of time arguing back and forth over an asset with relatively little monetary value. Second, you may agree to a less optimal settlement that doesn’t provide as much financial stability.
Before you sign any documents, take a step back, look at everything, and determine how much it’s all worth to you and where you’re willing to compromise.
Shared assets are divided up between the two spouses, but the court can only allocate what they know about. Hopefully, both parties are honest and trustworthy enough to be upfront when it comes to declaring property, but that may not always be the case. Remember what we said earlier about this being an imperfect world.
If hidden assets are not divulged, it can impact the settlement, but there are ways to search for clandestine holdings. You can check recent tax records for inconsistencies, look at bank accounts for expenditures you didn’t know about, examine brokerage statements for stocks and bonds, and more.
Make sure your financial records are up to date and organized. Know what you have, what your spouse has, where money is owed, and gather as much information as you can. Not only will this streamline your side of the equation, but it will also make it easier to spot any irregularities from your spouse.
These are just a few possible pitfalls that can swallow up your finances and put a serious hurting on your financial status as you move forward with your life. Divorce is difficult, and it is an emotional time where you juggle any number of issues. Things can fall through the cracks if you’re not paying attention, and it will be in your best interest to be as focused and detail-oriented as possible. Your financial future may depend on your vigilance.
If fact, at least 50% of everyone who divorces struggles with moving on with their lives. I know this because there’s usually one spouse who decides divorce is the answer while the other wants to work on the marriage. And, as you know, it only takes one to make the decision to divorce.
However, not everyone who decides divorce is the answer to the problems in their marriage finds it easy to move on with their life. Many of the deciders struggle with life after divorce too.
So, if you’re struggling with your life after divorce, you also need to know that you can get through it. You can create a new life for yourself that feels good. And, yes, you can be genuinely happy again.
Here are 7 steps for you to take that can make your life after divorce better:
Cut yourself some slack.
When I got divorced, I wanted to be able to move on with my life ASAP. I felt frustrated that I was struggling with my life after divorce. As a result, I wasn’t patient with myself. I kept pushing and tried to force myself to feel better.
As you’ve probably guessed, that was a recipe for prolonged misery.
What I learned (and what I teach my clients now) is that you can’t force your emotions to just change. But what you can do is make different choices about how you perceive and work through them.
For instance, if you feel a wave of anxiety because you’re struggling with something, you can take a deep breath (or several) and choose to look at what’s the fear behind the anxiety. And once you understand the fear you can figure out what action you can take to address the concern.
It may seem counterintuitive, but by taking appropriate action, you are actually cutting yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling a certain way, you’re first understanding your emotions and then being proactive about dealing with them.
It’s important that you allow yourself the time you need to grieve. And the time you need will be COMPLETELY different from the time your former spouse needs.
One of the most common mistakes I see people make when it comes to grief is they compare themselves to their former spouse. They believe that if their ex is feeling better, then they should too. Then there are others who believe that if their ex is feeling bad, then they should too.
I was one of those people who struggled with my ex feeling bad – at first. And then I struggled with him feeling better.
Everyone heals at their own rate. And, frankly, it can take some time.
(However, there is such a thing as getting stuck in your grief. This is called complicated grief. If you’re concerned that you’re dealing with complicated grief, you’ll want to reach out to a therapist for diagnosis and support.)
Nurture yourself.
One of the things that can often fall by the wayside when you’re struggling with life after divorce is simply taking care of and being kind to yourself. It can seem as if there’s just too much going on as you figure out how to create a new life for yourself. Yet it’s critical that you nurture yourself, so you can have the energy – physically and emotionally – to do all you want and need to do.
Nurturing looks different for everyone. You may like massages or long walks or binge-watching a TV series or napping or exercising or spending time with friends or reading or ….
It’s not so important what it is that you find rejuvenating. What’s important is that you regularly take the time to care for yourself.
Begin to dream a little.
Many people get so caught up struggling with life after divorce that they forget to think about the future and how wonderful it can be. Yet, if you allow yourself to anticipate something good that you’re looking forward to – big or little – you’ll find that the positive flow of emotions can actually help pull you through the tough stuff and toward the good stuff.
What’s a dream you’re looking forward to becoming a reality?
Become curious.
When you’re focused on the struggle of life after divorce, it can be really hard to recognize anything good about it. Yet there is good – even if the only good you can see right at this moment is that you woke up this morning.
And I’ll bet there’s more that’s good about your life right now. One of the best ways to find it is by shifting your perspective. And curiosity is one of the best ways to shift perspective and focus.
When I was going through my divorce, I felt incredibly alone, unloved, and unlovable. And I kept focusing on that. And the more I focused on that the more alone, unloved, and unlovable I felt.
However, I had family and friends who continued to volunteer to help me. When I started asking myself why they were doing this, I was able to shift my perspective and recognize they were doing this because they loved me.
The change in my experience was pretty dramatic. I stopped feeling sorry for myself because I now had “proof” that I was indeed loved and lovable and could choose not to be alone.
Develop new friendships.
Another way many people struggle with life after divorce is feeling they don’t fit in with their friends any longer. This often happens if most of your friends are married.
The experience of being single is different than being married. And you may find it uncomfortable only having married friends because you feel like a third wheel.
That was definitely my experience. I loved all of my married friends and yet there were some things about my life that they just couldn’t relate to – like dating or not having another adult in the house.
And so, I decided to take a divorce recovery workshop. In it I met lots of people – women and men – who were having the same types of struggles I was. In fact, a couple of the women in that class became very dear friends. (And, yes, I did go out on first dates with 2 of the men.)
Ask for help.
Finally, when you’re struggling with life after divorce, it can be challenging to remember that you don’t have to do everything on your own. When you were married it was probably fairly simple to ask your spouse for help. However, when you divorce you know you don’t have access to their support as you once did. You can feel all alone as a result.
Yet there are plenty of people who can help. Chances are your family and friends will be happy to help if you simply ask. You can also hire people to do the chores that you just don’t have the time or the skills or desire to do.
And if the struggles you’re facing feel like too much to handle, you can work with a helping professional, like a divorce coach, to support you in getting back on track.
Initially, life after divorce is a struggle for most people. However, by following the 7 steps above, you can find your way to living a life you love again.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce and life coach. If you’re tired of struggling with life after divorce and would like some support, you can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice or you can schedule a 30-minute private consultation with me and together we can begin putting together a plan for the next best steps you can take to start feeling better.
Looking for more information about how to start over after divorce? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Life After Divorce.
