3) Uncover the Truth
Learn as much as you can about the truth of what really happened. Some of this truth may come from your husband or partner, but sometimes a better source of information are family and friends who have been “staying out of it.”
Even talking with the other woman can often be a better source of getting to the truth, as he may have been lying to both of you.
Now is a good time to find out about other places in your life together where you may be in the dark.
Are you clear about where you stand financially within the marriage? Do you know about your assets as a couple? For example, do you prepare taxes together so that you know about all of your assets and about any debt you both have? Or are you unaware of where you stand?
4) Can You / Should You Forgive Him?
Can you or should you trust him again? Is it a long-term betrayal or a one-time moment of weakness?
Deciding the answers to these two questions is important even if you’re not financially able to get out of the marriage right now. Because, from here on, it’s strategically important that you protect yourself and build toward an independent future, especially if you decide that he can’t be trusted.
Many times, a betrayal is that catalyst that can set off two things simultaneously:
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You go through the process of deciding whether to stay in the marriage, while at the same time
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Making yourself ready for an independent future so that you’re never again at the mercy of someone else’s bad decisions.
5) Get Help for Yourself, Not Just Both of You
It can be tempting to seek out marriage counseling at a time like this.
In my practice, eight times out of ten, the husband is just going through the motions, and this can keep you falsely hoping to see a positive change in the marriage that never comes, even after several years of counseling.
If you have had a strong relationship until now, marriage counseling is definitely worth a try. Especially as it gives you time to set up the structure you need in order to have the option to leave, as you see the situation unfold.
But marriage counseling is not enough. Most women need something that is just for you (not for “us”).
Seek out a coach who has been there herself and has helped hundreds of women to heal emotionally from betrayal.
But What if You’re Afraid of What Would Happen If . . .
I find that one of the most powerful reasons that women don’t start an individual coaching relationship is that they’re afraid to find out who they really are and what they really want as an individual, independent of their identity as a wife or partner.
They’re afraid that if they own who they truly are, it spells out the end of their relationship.
If that strikes a chord with you, read that sentence again.
It’s such a heavy price to pay just to have a man in your life. And, with the right partner, it’s a price that you never have to pay.
If you’re still reading this, all the way down to here, I want to lovingly hold your hand and say that you don’t really know what will happen if you haven’t explored all of the dreams and desires that exist in addition to the dreams of love and marriage that you have.
Most of the women I work with don’t really know (until we do some powerful and fun experiences around this subject) what their deepest and most powerful individual life callings are. (The ones that are different from and in addition to those you may have about having a romantic partner and being a mom.)
There’s more that you have been called into this life to be, to experience, and to share.
If you’re curious about this, you can request information about my coaching below.
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