Is the house I owned before the marriage included in my divorce?
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Is the house I owned before the marriage included in my divorce?
From Winter of Divorce to the Spring of Renewal: Your Path to Growth
by Liesel Darby, Mediator & Divorce Coach
Divorce—a stark winter landscape where the familiar, leaf-laden trees of love and partnership are suddenly bare. But what if I told you that beneath that ice lies seeds of resilience waiting to sprout? Just as the arrival of spring heralds rebirth and new beginnings, this challenging time in your life too can become a period of profound personal growth and renewal.
Have you felt the chill of loneliness nipping at your heels, making you wonder if warmth and joy are forever lost? You aren’t alone in this. Many women who are navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce experience this very same feeling. Remember, dear reader, the thawing snow reveals the resilient flowers beneath, and similarly, within you lies an unassailable strength, ready to blossom.
Finding the Sunlight Through the Clouds
It takes time for spring to fully assert its presence after winter, and in the same way, your healing won’t happen overnight. This time may feel eternal, but it is merely a season—one that’s paving the way for brighter days. Each thawing day represents a step forward, each sunrise a glimmer of the life that is waiting for you post-divorce. Don’t worry if you feel as if you are not making progress every day; dealing with divorce and all the feelings associated with it is not a linear progression. Sometimes, just like the daffodils that came out in March only to find themselves buried in an April snow, you may find yourself wondering if you really will be ok. The answer: Yes, you will be ok.
Planting Seeds for Growth
How do you plant the seeds that will flourish come spring? It’s by learning from the past without living in it. Reflect on your relationship just enough to glean lessons that will fuel your future growth. What have you discovered about your needs, your boundaries, and your dreams?
Cultivating Your Garden with Support
Remember, no garden thrives without the tender care of a community. Joining a divorce support group can be like receiving much-needed rain during a drought. Surrounded by others who understand your struggles, you’ll find solace and solidarity. It is so comforting to know that you are not alone. Sometimes a garden needs an expert gardener. A divorce coach can be your guide, helping you prune away the dead branches of your former life to encourage new growth. We all have blind spots. Sometimes you need an objective person to help you see how you may be getting in your own way. Like weeds that choke the flowers, blind spots keep you stuck in patterns that prevent you from blooming to your full capacity. A new awareness allows you to make different choices going forward, to make a new flower arrangement, so to speak.
Nourishing the Soil of the Present While Dreaming about the Future
To truly grow, we must focus on the present soil beneath our feet. It is easy to wallow in anger, self-pity, fear, sadness. It may be helpful to set a timer and allow yourself to really wallow for 15 minutes, but once the timer goes off, focus on something else. Appreciating the things that are going well in your world will put you in a different frame of mind. There is ALWAYS something to appreciate. The more you notice, the more you will notice. You can also daydream in the present. Daydream about your future—if the past was gray, what color is your future? Envision your life the way you want it to be. Make the vision as clear and detailed as possible. Escape the shadow of the past and bask in the potential of what’s yet to come.
Pruning Your Finances
In the wake of a divorce, your financial landscape might seem barren, but with care and attention, such as consulting a financial advisor, you can cultivate a garden of stability. Learn the art of financial self-sufficiency—your independence is the rich soil from which your new life will spring forth.
Rediscovering What Makes You, You
Amidst the upheaval, it’s easy to forget the things that made your heart sing. Now is the perfect time to ask yourself, what do I love doing? What facets of my identity have long lain dormant, like seeds under the frost, waiting for the right season to sprout? I remember, after my own divorce, holding the remote control in my own hands for once, savoring the idea that I could watch whatever I desired—and binging on as much HGTV as I could! It also dawned on me that I could finally make stuffed peppers for dinner, something I hadn’t done in 25 years because my ex-husband did not like peppers. I went dancing with my friends, I read murder mysteries, played piano after dinner, bought new linens—it felt wonderful to make even these small decisions on my own.
Divorce can feel like the cold, desolate winter, but within it there lies the undeniable promise of spring. Your resilience is the seedling breaking through the snow, your growth the bloom on the branch. You have endured. You will grow. Your spring is just around the corner.
As you nurture your garden of self-discovery, a tapestry of fresh experiences and joyous opportunities awaits—to be woven by your own hand. Engage with your support networks, listen to the wisdom of those who have gone before you, and step forward with courage.
Spring is not just a season; it’s a powerful metaphor for the resilient rebirth available to each of us. Despite the winter chill of divorce, your spring is inevitable. May your heart be open to the infinite potential for renewal, and may your spirit blossom with resilience and unending growth.
Do you see those tiny green shoots? They’re yours. Cultivate them.
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What is Divorce Mediation? – Divorced Girl Smiling
What is divorce mediation? I’m a divorce mediator, one who earned his CPA and who understands your finances, and more importantly one who has gone through his own divorce and who learned first-hand how important it is to be able to co-parent successfully after a divorce.
Divorce mediation has so many benefits. I often tell prospective clients that mediating your divorce gives you the opportunity to choose the least expensive and least time-consuming path, while getting the best outcomes for yourselves and for your children.
But while I understand why mediating your divorce is the healthiest path, I find that many couples do not understand how divorce mediation works. This article will provide a deep-dive into my divorce mediation process so you can understand what it is, how it works and what to expect, if you choose this path for your divorce.
Initial Consultation:
Often times one spouse will reach out to me for an initial consultation. That is ok. I am happy to meet with each spouse individually or with both spouses together. The spouse who does reach out to me has either been referred to me, has read my blogs or social media posts, has done a Google search, found my business profile and read my reviews, or might have found me on Divorced Girl Smiling. After consulting with one of the spouses, I always offer to meet with the other spouse separately or together as a couple. Meeting both spouses is critical for me, and both spouses meeting with me is critical for them.
My initial consultation is very detailed. My goal is to help educate the spouses about mediation and their own priorities given their unique circumstances. At the same time, I’m assessing them to determine if they sound like a good candidate for mediation, while they assess me to be their mediator.
- Mediation: I provide an overview of all 4 paths a couple can take to divorce (do it yourself, mediate, collaborative process or litigate) and I explain each path along with the pro’s and con’s of each. I explain thoroughly why mediation is often referred to as the healthiest and best path. I also provide an overview of my mediation process.
- Their Priorities: If the spouses are comfortable I ask a lot of questions about their marriage, children, marital home, careers, salaries, assets, debts, property and retirement accounts. This allows me to help them understand at a very high level how divorce might affect them. I have found that couples really appreciate this component of my consultation.
- Fit: In order to be a good candidate for mediation a couple needs to be able to communicate, listen to each other, compromise and be transparent. Not all couples can do this. I need to make sure mediation can be successful, so I will ask questions and listen to help me assess this. At the same time, the couple needs to assess me to ensure that they both feel comfortable that I am unbiased and have a character, approach and experience that they both are comfortable with and feel can help them have a good outcome.
If my consultation results in meeting with both spouses together, I will also “pressure-test” their desire to divorce. This isn’t meant to change their minds, but is meant to assess whether they both are 100% certain that a) they want to divorce, and b) they have done everything they can to repair or enrich the marriage. This is important for a lot of reasons, namely:
- If both spouses are not aligned with a desire to divorce, often times emotions can derail a mediation process.
- If either spouse is not certain they want to divorce, I often suggest they give it thought before proceeding because once a couple decides to divorce and inform others, it is very challenging to stop the process.
- Lastly, and most importantly, while I’m a divorce mediator I’m not a fan of divorce. If I can refer a couple to a discernment counselor I will gladly do so, so they can work with a trained professional to help them both decide if they want to work on their marriage or continue with the divorce process.
My consultations could be an hour or longer for each spouse and I am happy to educate and help them understand all of their options and priorities. I do not charge for my consultations. I’ve been divorced, I know how complicated the process is to someone who has never experienced it before, so I invest a lot of time making sure the couple is educated and is able to make the best decision for themselves and their family. If they decide to mediate and choose me as their mediator, I will provide them with three forms, as follows:
- Agreement To Mediate: This is a brief document that helps all parties understand their roles and responsibilities during mediation.
- Fee Agreement: This is a brief document that summarizes my fees and helps a couple understand the maximum cost for my services (which is dramatically less than a single lawyer’s retainer).
- Client Input Form: This provides me with the core elements of the couples’ lives that I need to know so I can navigate their mediation process. Much of this information is also needed in the outputs that I provide to the couple.
First Mediation Session:
My mediation process starts with the couples’ children and helping them to make all of their parenting decisions. For me, I can look a couple in the eyes and say confidently that I know they both want what is best for their children. I also start the couples off with easier decisions that I know will not create conflict. I like to help them gain comfort with the process and confidence that they can do this. These are also questions that are relatively easy to make so we generally make a lot of progress in the first session, while still also covering off on some significant decisions.
Many couples come into mediation assuming incorrectly that they only need to create a parenting schedule and divide the holidays. While those areas are very important, there are numerous other decisions they need to make together about their children, and a good mediator will be very thorough and help them understand the other 70 or so decisions that need to be made for their children. If they are not thorough a judge may not approve their divorce, and worse, they are likely to be in conflict after their divorce.
There are two primary areas of a divorce process that do not impact the children directly, but do require some time, that of deciding what to do with the marital home, and preparing for the financial divisions. Because I strive to ensure that our process is efficient, I will also find the right time to introduce these two topics while we are addressing the parenting decisions. Typically I’ll address the marital home in the first session, and the preparation for the financial divisions when we are a session or two from completing the parenting decisions. Introducing these topics early in the process allows us to keep moving and also gives the couple opportunities to start to visualize how their agreement will impact them going forward.
- Marital Home: We need to decide a) if either spouse will retain the marital home, and if so, how they will share the home equity and how it will be funded and b) whether the spouse staying the home will be approved for a mortgage, if needed. I will often bring a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (“CDLP”) into a session to explain these decisions. If the couple instead wants to sell the home and divide the net proceeds, we start to engage with a realtor because a home sale takes considerable time and sometimes it is in the couples’ best interest to start that process early. In some cases the couple may decide to continue to own the home together after their divorce, through either a deferred equity buyout or a birdnesting arrangement, and both of these are creative solutions that do require some additional agreements.
- Preparation For Financial Divisions: Prior to starting discussions around spousal maintenance (alimony), child support and division of assets/debts/property, the couple needs to complete a financial affidavit. While this is not a complicated form, this form takes some time to complete. As a result, when we are close to completing the parenting decisions I will provide this to the couple and provide guidance on how to complete it. I am also available for questions as they prepare their financial affadavits.
Subsequent Parenting Sessions:
The evening after each session or the following day I provide the couple with a draft of their Memorandum Of Understanding (“MOU”) that is updated for all of the decisions they have made to date. This is done so they can read it while it is fresh in their minds, sleep on it, talk to others about it, and come back the next session with any edits or changes. I like to do this so the couple has time to think about their agreement and to always have opportunities to make changes as needed. In the end, I want them to have an agreement they are both very comfortable with.
As the start of our next session, I will also ask the following questions:
- How are you both doing?
- Have you had a chance to review the MOU draft and are there any changes we need to discuss or make?
- How are your children doing?
The last question about their children is a way for me to always introduce the importance of co-parenting and to keep both parents focused on always keeping their children front and center. In divorce it is all too common for spouses to lose sight of the impact of their divorce on their children. One of the greatest gifts I want to give to all of my clients is a child-focused approach and one that always helps them to truly put their children first.
After this introduction to our session, we’ll continue with additional decisions they need to make about their children. In my process, 70% of all questions I ask are about their children. This is a very important part of the mediation process, and is one of the best ways to explain how a mediated divorce differs from a litigated divorce. In court, judges will rarely ask how the children are doing. In mediation, most mediators care deeply about the emotional aspects of your divorce, and want to do all we can to help the family get through this in the healthiest way possible for them and for their children.
When we have finished the parenting decisions, I will try to finalize the parenting MOU and symbolically “put it on the shelf” so the couple doesn’t re-introduce decisions about the children in the subsequent financial division discussion where children sometimes become pawns. We certainly can and sometimes do make further edits to the parenting decisions, but I try to lock that down before moving into the financial discusions.
Financial Mediation Sessions:
First 45-Minute Session: Our first financial session is only 45 minutes and I use this time to review the couple’s financial affadavits. I would have reviewed and compiled them already and highlighted questions for the couple. It is important that we’re all comfortable with the financial information provided before we start our next working session. Often times one spouse will provide weekly instead of monthly pay or deductions, or forget to include certain key data. I also do a review of the data to assess whether anything is missing or mis-stated, and if detected, I will ask the couple to update the data and ultimately I will ensure that both spouses are comfortable with the financial information that is provided.
Subsequent Financial Sessions: Depending on the couple’s financial complexity, we can usually complete this section in less time than was required for the parenting decisions. These are tougher discussions, because the couple is generally in a tug-of-war dynamic, where each spouse wants the most favorable outcome for themselves. This is not always the case, however, and more often than not these decisions are fair and easily made by both spouses, especially if the process has been going well. We address spousal maintenance (alimony), child support, division of assets, debts and property, life insurance needs, tax considerations, and many other aspects of the couple’s financial situation.
Legal Representation:
Throughout the mediation process I inform the spouses that they may seek legal input either in or out of session, if desired. In some situations I highly recommend they do so, if the decisions are complex and significant. If they have a lawyer, they can either consult and come to a session educated, or they can bring their lawyer into a session. Either is fine and I help guide them if and when that might be valuable.
Additionally, upon completion of my work, the couple’s agreement as documented in their Memorandum Of Understanding has to be reviewed by a lawyer and then presented to a judge for approval. Both of these steps provide further assurance that the decisions they make are fair and reasonable.
Final Session:
At the completion of all discussions, I provide a final Memorandum Of Understanding to the couple, and we spend our last session reviewing it and aligning that they are both in agreement with all decisions reached.
I will also help them understand their next steps to process their divorce and also to ensure that they update their beneficiaries, accounts and insurance policies after their divorce.
We often thank each other for a good process, for good intent, for listening, sharing and making good decisions together. And I remind them that I am available for any questions that they have and that if they do need any additional mediation services I provide them at no charge for the next 90 days. This isn’t often needed, but I want them to be comfortable that they can reach out if needed to resolve anything amicably moving forward.
Conclusion:
What is divorce mediation? It’s the healthiest way to divorce. It is the least costly, least time-consuming, it allows the couple to make all of their decisions together, creates dynamics and coaching opportunities that preserve the ability for the couple to be good co-parents, and allows the spouses and the children to get through the divorce with the least amount of baggage. They can also have legal representation and will always have legal review and the review and approval buy a judge.
Many mediators that I know have an inherent desire for a healthy outcome and most strive to provide more than a Memorandum Of Understanding to the couple; they want the couple and family to be healthy as they move forward. This is one of the greatest benefits you receive when mediating, when your professionals care about you and your family.
The process explained above is my process. Other mediators may have similar or slightly different processes. If you are looking to learn more about mediation, you can call me at (224) 544-9990 or you can learn more about me and my process at michaelsmediation.com.
Michael Cohen, who also earned his CPA, is an accomplished business leader with extensive experience in people management and cross-functional projects that required him to often mediate and find the best path forward for people and teams, throughout his career. These skills are critical in a mediation setting. Coupled with Michael’s own experience in a litigated divorce, he is driven to help divorcing couples navigate their divorce in the healthiest way possible. Michael is the founder of Michael’s Mediation, which serves divorcing couples across the U.S. He is a graduate of the University of Illinois with a divorce mediation certification from Northwestern University. Michael is a loving father of three and lives in the Northern Suburbs of Chicago. Learn more here.
Mental Health First Aid After A Breakup
Founder
Mental Health Works Ltd
‘Mental health first aid’ is a term that is most often used in workplaces and it’s also a form of training you can take: like all first aid it is about recognising signs that someone needs help, stabilising if any immediate risk involved and getting professional support to the person as soon as possible. In the context of a breakup, it’s likely that a friend or indeed a colleague at work of the identified patient (you if you are going through the breakup) will be the first aider. It’s often difficult for the person affected to recognise they need help as a part of mental illness is lack of insight into being ill. So, the first step for anyone is to alert their network to the fact they are going through this. This can be difficult as you may be experiencing shame or embarrassment about the ending of the relationship and not want to talk about it, but it’s crucial to alert folk to your situation.
Thinking of the first aid analogy, going through a break can be seen as analogous to organising a major event where one of the first things you would do is ensure you have first aid, ambulances etc on standby as you know it’s much more likely for people to hurt themselves in these situations. A breakup is of the three major life transitions that can lead to what is known as transition shock. The others are:
- Moving home
- Changing job/change in economics
- Changing intimate relationships
Depending on what the circumstances you are in, it maybe that a breakup involves a number of these transitions simultaneously. All of which is to say that just like medical attention, first aid is more likely to be at a public event, it is part of the risk planning, so you should be realistic that your psychological distress may move into mental health needs. So, the first tip is risk assessment and risk management just in case you need help alert others to what is happening.
If you have a previous history of mental health problems, you need to realistic about the higher risk of a relapse in the condition during the transition, whatever that condition such as anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorder etc, especially in this context as major life transitions produce significant stress reactions which are triggers of mental health problems. As part of your risk management, you may want to think about prophylactic interventions such as medication before you become symptomatic, or increasing your attendance at support groups if you are in recovery or restarting some evidence base therapy.
As a possible patient ensuring you engage in general good health and wellbeing practice is crucial. Start with the insights from Lifestyle Medicine ensuring you have the 4 corners of health and wellbeing in place:
- Exercise/active life.The single biggest health improvement you can make is to have regular exercise, ideally 3 times a week for 20 minutes, raising your heartbeat is what you want to aim for, anymore and that’s a bonus!
- Stress management.Relaxation and stress management are crucial to physical and psychological health. Stress is implicated in all major lifestyle illnesses and every manifestation of psychological distress. Learning to spot and reduce stress reactions is central to living a healthy life.
- Diet.Having a heathy balanced diet contributes massively to a healthy mind and body. Try to reduce processed foods, eat a mix of 80-20 vegetable and fruit to meat, control portion size and reduce sugar.
- Sleep.Good sleep hygiene is essential to healthy living. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture due to the psychological consequences of missing REM sleep cycles. So, practice good hygiene in your sleep habits; don’t drink alcohol or other stimulants at night, exercise, have a simple and regular bedtime routine, reduce blue screen activity at night and don’t use your phone in bed!
If you are the possible ‘first aider’ it’s important to feel confident in being a little nosier than you normally would. Don’t be afraid to ask your ‘patient’ about their symptoms, at worst you will get a grumpy response to leave them alone, but mostly you will get thanks for being solicitous. What are the types of symptoms that might indicate the need for signposting or referral to professional help?
- major sleep disturbances
- significant changes in outlook
- significant changes in appetite or eating patterns
- increase in alcohol use
- dysregulation (anger aggression etc)
- low mood
- thoughts of being a failure and a burden on others
- lack of concentration, stopping and forgetting tasks
- emotional lability
Any one of them at low levels is to be expected, but it’s about poly symptom, intensity, and duration. If there are several at the same time and they hang around for more than a few days or if they are very intense it’s time to ring the alarm bell. So, what can you do?
- Give your patient a good listening to. Learning to actively listen to someone without judgement is more often than not the most helpful thing you can do. Unburdening ourselves reduces our isolation and improves our mood, allowing us to make better real-world decisions to improve our circumstances.
- Signpost and follow up. Know what the services are available in your setting. If you are work colleagues have a chat with your line manager and ask what EAP exists and how that can be accessed for example. If you are a friend, maybe scope out support groups and offer to chaperone? Maybe ask if you friend has talked to their GP?
- Why don’t you get mental health first aid training?
- If you have very serious immediate concerns for the safety of your friend/colleague or someone they care for, then contact emergency services who can intervene to take them to a place of safety for assessment and treatment if needed (for example of you ask them how they feel and they say they want to kill themselves and they have it planned out/methodology/timescale dial 999)
Mostly what we all need is to know someone has got our back and is willing to be a buddy in times of stress, and that doesn’t need loads of training, it just needs a big heart, open ears, and mostly closed mouths that murmur support.
About Noel McDermott
Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/
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What Ralph Did To Drew ON CAMERA That Led To Their Divorce
Drew Sidora has revealed that what Ralph Pittman did to her on camera is what led to her filing to divorce him.
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SONG: Bird Brainz from the YT Audio Library
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What’s a Divorce Party? And Should You Have One?
Your wedding day is often envisioned as one of the happiest moments in your life, a day filled with love, joy, and promises for the future. Yet, despite the vows exchanged and the dreams shared, the reality of divorce may unexpectedly enter your life later on. In contrast to a wedding, a divorce can be (but not always) one of the most challenging and sorrowful experiences you’ll ever face, leaving you feeling alone and marginalized. During such difficult times, surrounding yourself with those who care about you can be invaluable.
Instead of dwelling on the sadness and loss, many women are choosing to embrace their newfound freedom and celebrate their fresh start. In recent years, divorce parties have emerged as a popular way for some to reclaim their identity and acknowledge their resilience. A divorce party is an event held to mark the end of a marriage or long-term relationship. Many people plan divorce parties to bring closure to their marriage in an empowering way and to be surrounded by supportive friends and family.
This article will explore the various aspects involved in planning a divorce party and highlight the compelling reasons why such a celebration can be empowering and healing.
What’s the Purpose of a Divorce Party?
A divorce party serves as a gathering to bring your loved ones together and mark a significant milestone in your life. Just as they came together to celebrate your wedding, it makes sense for them to join in celebrating your newfound singlehood. The primary purpose of a divorce party is to foster a sense of community during this challenging transition. However, this celebration should not be a time of sadness; instead, it should serve as a testament to self-love, forgiveness, and personal growth. While the focus should not be on your ex, it should be a time to honor, empower, and embrace your new journey.
It’s perfectly acceptable to make this party all about you and indulge in a little self-care.
Choosing A Theme
Every party needs a theme, and your divorce party should be no exception. Selecting a theme will set the tone you desire for your celebration. Get creative and choose a theme that reflects your interests, values, and humor. Will it be a “Breakup Bash,” where you commemorate the end of your relationship with playful banners boasting slogans like “Happily Divorced” or “The End of an Error”? Alternatively, consider an “Unwedding Reception,” a playful twist on traditional wedding elements such as white dresses, flower arrangements, or elaborate cakes. How might you rebel against those elements? Another idea is a “Self-Care Soiree,” focusing on pampering your inner divorcee diva with a relaxing spa day alongside your closest friends. Ultimately, the theme is entirely your choice, and meaning something to you specifically — should showcase your personality.
Is a divorce party simply too far-fetched for you?
Instead, do you wonder “How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Divorce?”
Guest List
Once you’ve settled on a theme, the next step is to create your guest list. Reflecting on the stress of creating seating charts and guest lists for your wedding, maybe approach your divorce party with a different mindset. Consider whether you envision a more intimate gathering with only your girlfriends, or your closest friends and family, or if you’re more inclined to invite a larger crowd. Regardless, prioritize inviting individuals who genuinely contribute positivity to your life and who will bring that energy to the atmosphere of your celebration. Remember, this party is a reflection of your new journey, so focus on inviting those who support and uplift you. Whether you opt for an intimate affair or a grand event, the key is to ensure that your guest list aligns with your vision for the occasion.
Venue/Location
The choice of venue for your divorce party depends on the theme and ambiance you wish to create. Whether you envision a lively weekend getaway with your closest circle, a cozy gathering at home or in a rustic cabin, or a grand celebration at an event space or restaurant, the choice is yours. That’s right no arguing with opinionated in-laws about the venue, or a stubbon soon-to-be Ex, the choice for everything, and this the most exciting part, is all YOURS.
If you need to reign in your ideas and focus, think about the activities you’d like to do at the event. For those leaning towards a weekend getaway, think about the experiences you are going for. If you crave outdoor adventures, consider destinations like national parks for hiking or popular beaches for relaxation. States such as Utah, Oregon, Florida, Vermont, or South Carolina offer diverse landscapes to cater to various preferences. For those seeking a vibrant city scene, New Orleans, Las Vegas, or Miami offer an array of nightlife (elegant to crazy) activities for you and your guests to enjoy.
Consider reading “How to Overcome the 6 Hardest Things About Life After Divorce.”
Venue Selection Tips
If a cozy night in appeals to you, consider booking an Airbnb, a cabin, or a resort location. Be sure to do your research on venues that guarantee a safe and comfortable environment for you and your guests. You could also transform your own living room into a warm and inviting space for an intimate gathering, feathering it with large pillows, soft blankets, and soft lighting or warm tones to create a special atmosphere.
For larger-scale events, researching suitable event spaces or venues that accommodate your desired guest count is a crucial undertaking. Perhaps your friends can help you? Whether you have a preferred restaurant, lounge, or club, or if you’re open to suggestions, consulting with friends, family, or even hiring a party planner can provide valuable insights and assistance in decision-making. Ultimately, factors such as your theme, budget, and logistical considerations should guide your venue selection.
Remember, celebrating your new beginning doesn’t require a large budget. All you need is a creative spirit and a supportive circle of family and friends to help you commemorate this major milestone in your life.
Decorations and Food
Once you’ve settled on your theme and secured your venue, it’s time to unleash your creativity with decorations. With the growing popularity of divorce parties, the options for decor are endless. From customized banners and centerpieces to playful balloons adorned with empowering slogans, there is no end to how you can make this divorce party yours.
When it comes to food, consider serving your favorite finger foods or indulging in dishes you couldn’t enjoy during your marriage. Maybe your Ex was allergic to shellfish? Then you might have a surf and turf theme party, where there’s shrimp galore and oysters or Lobster Newburg. Let your menu reflect your tastes and preferences, and don’t be afraid to have fun with it.
You may be reading this post because you need a distraction from what you are dealing with right now. If it sounds right, check out “7 Must Know’s When Divorcing a Narcissist.”
Capture the memories of this special occasion by hiring a photographer to document the festivities. Create a playlist filled with breakup anthems, female empowerment songs, or tunes that resonate with your chosen theme. Treat your celebration with the same attention to detail as a wedding, going all out to create a space that speaks to you and who you are. Make it both welcoming and festive.
Activities
How would you like to spend your celebration? Consider your interests and integrate them into your party plans. You could hire a psychic or fortune teller to add a touch of mystique and future-focus to your gathering.
If it’s a spa day, create a luxurious ambiance with soothing scents like lavender or eucalyptus, whether you’re visiting a spa or transforming your own space. Encourage guests to wear matching robes to make the theme real. Perhaps you’re intrigued by the idea of a class? Maybe wine-tasting or a mixology class. Or you and your inner circle might enjoy taking a cooking, pottery, or painting class together.
For more ideas that focus on you and your next chapter, check out “100 Must Do’s for the Newly Divorced Independent Woman.”
For a more relaxed affair, consider hosting a potluck featuring everyone’s, or just yours!, favorite comfort foods. Plan a movie night highlighting your favorite romantic comedies or any genre that brings you joy. Get creative with activities like karaoke, board games, or crafting divorce-themed games such as “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” using a picture of your Ex.
Think outside the box by symbolically burning wedding dresses or shredding other sentimental items to mark your fresh start. As you plan your activities, reflect on how you like to indulge and have fun, then integrate those elements into your party. Ultimately, the key is to enjoy yourself and embrace your authentic self.
Inviting Your Ex
Remember, this party is about celebrating your journey, so the decision to invite your ex depends on your comfort level and personal preference. If you and your Ex parted on amicable terms and maintain a friendship, inviting them may feel natural and comfortable. In fact, some couples choose to co-host their divorce party as a symbolic gesture of closure and mutual respect, acknowledging the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. However, if the idea of inviting your ex feels awkward or uncomfortable, it’s perfectly acceptable to focus solely on surrounding yourself with supportive and uplifting people who are there to celebrate you.
Conclusion
Navigating the divorce process can be one of life’s toughest challenges. It’s normal to feel lost and disconnected from yourself amidst the turmoil. While a divorce party won’t magically fix everything or erase the pain, it can offer a welcome distraction and a chance to reconnect with the single version of yourself. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family during this time can provide much-needed comfort and camaraderie.
Embrace the party planning process as a way to focus on something positive and uplifting. Choose a venue that speaks to your interests and let your creativity shine through in the decorations. Invite those who genuinely care about your well-being and are there to uplift you. Remember, this is your opportunity to have some fun and celebrate the beginning of a new chapter. You don’t have to face this journey alone. Perhaps you spent your marriage prioritizing someone else’s needs; now, it’s time to prioritize yourself. Use this moment as a chance to honor your strength, empower yourself, and wholeheartedly embrace the road ahead.
NOTES
Teresa is a third-year law student in Chicago committed to advocating and supporting survivors of gender and power-based violence. With a longstanding interest in family law, she aspires to pursue a career in this field after graduation. Her goal is to create a meaningful impact by being a voice for those who may struggle to find their own, providing the necessary support and empowerment they need to navigate the legal system and achieve justice.
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Divorce Hacks for Saving Time and Money
Divorce is never an easy process. It makes you feel all sorts of emotions, it can cost a lot of money, its hard on children, and it can take up all of your time. That’s why, every day, millions of people hit the internet searching for online resources for divorce tips to help simplify the process and make it more affordable.
With over 20 years of experience as a divorce mediator and former divorce attorney, I’ve witnessed countless cases where lack of knowledge led to unnecessary expenses, stress, and time-consuming legal proceedings.
So, whether you’re just starting to think about divorce or you’re already in the thick of it, buckle up. These tips are going to be helpful.
1. Choose Your Method
You only have three main choices when are getting divorced: mediation, litigation, and a do-it-yourself divorce.
- MEDIATION. Mediation is the best option for most people. A good mediator can get you through sticky issues, stubbornness, and even some narcissism. In mediation, we start with a settlement mentality. There needs to be a willingness to compromise and an ability to be goal-directed (the goal being settlement, and not playing lawyer-type games).
When is mediation not good? I do not recommend mediation in cases where either spouse suspects the other spouse might be hiding assets. I also do not recommend mediation in cases where there is a history of domestic violence. However, there is a style of mediation where both spouses have an attorney at their side (that is not my style, but it is an option for you). With that type of mediation, you can sometimes mediate the more intense cases (hiding money, domestic abuse).
- LITIGATION. If you choose to lawyer-up and do things the old-fashioned way, you need to have a ton of money. Your attorney, in litigation, will need to do two jobs at once: helping you settle and keeping things moving with your court case.
You Can Lose Control in Litigation = Very Expensive. Once paperwork gets filed in the Courthouse, your lawyer will need to make sure your case is moving at the required pace, set by the law and the judge, and cannot always slow things down once the litigation gets rolling. Also, your attorney will have very little control over your spouse’s attorney, who may be all about complicating things and running up fees!
Your attorney can also help you settle your case, while you are litigating, but remember that you will be paying him or her, in that case, for doing two jobs (settling and litigating).
- DO-IT-YOURSELF DIVORCE. If you do not have kids, real estate, a business, retirement assets, and are not seeking spousal support (alimony), you might be able to do all of your divorce paperwork on your own. I would not recommend this in most cases, but if you meet the criteria I just listed, you might want to give it a try. I think that you should have some professional assistance with such an important part of your life, but take a look online at the various companies that provide divorce forms and see what you think
2. Start Thinking about the Best Custody Arrangements
If you have children, it’s important to start thinking about what type of custody arrangement you believe would be best for them. If you can talk with your spouse about this before you sit down to settle your case, that would be great. You do not have to agree on everything; but you will at least know how each other is viewing what is best for the kids.
50/50 custody is very common these days. If one parent wants 50/50, and the other parent is against that arrangement, the non-50/50 parent will need to be prepared to explain why he or she thinks that 50/50 will be damaging to the kids. Be as specific as possible. Otherwise, even if you do not live in a state that automatically grants 50/50 custody, judges love to order 50/50 custody even when one of the parents was hardly involved with the children before the divorce.
3. Understand Family Cash Flow – Income & Expenses
It’s important that you have a good understanding of what the cash flow in the family looks like. You need to know when and where the money comes from, and when and where it goes out. If you do not already track your expenses, now is good time to start.
If you will be asking for any type of financial support from the other spouse, that is more than the bare minimum of what a court would probably grant you (your mediator should be able to tell you that), you will need to be ready to demonstrate why you need that money.
4. Create A List of Your Assets and Debts
Gather information about all your assets and debts. You will want to include the type of assets, how it is titled, when it was acquired (if you know), and what it is worth. You will want to do the same for your debts.
Assets include real estate, retirement assets, cars, savings accounts, investment accounts, certain types of live insurance, and valuable belongings (such as jewelry).
Debts are anything where there are creditors involved, such as mortgage or credit card debt and various kinds of loans.
If, for whatever reason, your spouse has that information and will not disclose it to you, that is a red flag. You need to hire an attorney immediately. Your case is not a good one for mediation (unless you have an attorney at your side).
5. Be Ready to Settle Before You Mediate
Once it has been determined by one or both of you that the marriage over (and, yes, it only takes one of you to move forward with a divorce), assess whether you are able to handle being in the same room with your spouse and settling out all your divorce matters.
If you feel that you will fall apart if you have to talk about settlement, focus on what is scaring you. Usually, it is fear that is at the root of anger, emotional-freezing, and many other emotions. Those fears will help you in mediation because you will know what you need to focus on. For example, fear of poverty is often addressed with a settlement discussion related to alimony. Fear of your children not doing well because of divorce can often be softened once you understand how many children do just fine growing up in two different homes.
If you can get yourself emotionally ready for a mediation, you will save yourself a lot of time, money, and trauma. Keep reminding yourself of that. And, if you refuse to sit down and settle, your spouse might not wait. That means lawyers and judges.
If you just can’t do it, talk to your partner and explain you need some time to adjust. Therapy, reading about divorce, or even consulting with a mediator can help you feel better about the whole thing. Information is power.
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Final Thoughts
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Posted by Sinta Ebersohn (creator of www.fairdivorce.co.za – Cape Town, South Africa)
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Against All Odds: How xQc Beat A $100m Divorce
💻 Thanks to Opera for sponsoring this video! Get a browser that’s literally better at everything, download Opera today: https://opr.as/Opera-Browser-Jabroney
Henry Resilient: https://www.youtube.com/@HenryResilient
Edited by Jabroney and Asperegoose https://twitter.com/asperegoose
xQc has been in a court drama for over a year – how did he beat the odds?
#xqc #adept
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Why Is It Important to Navigate Family Dynamics with Family Attorneys?
When families face legal challenges, especially those leading to or resulting from divorce, the emotional and psychological toll can be substantial. This is where the expertise of family & divorce lawyers becomes invaluable. These legal professionals do more than just provide legal counsel; they navigate the complex web of family dynamics to ensure the process is as smooth and constructive as possible. Understanding the importance of their role can make a significant difference in the outcomes of family legal matters.
Understanding Emotional Complexity
The first and perhaps most critical reason for involving family & divorce attorneys in family legal issues is their understanding of the emotional complexity involved. Divorce and family disputes can be emotionally charged situations that require a sensitive but practical approach. Attorneys trained in family law are adept at handling such matters with the necessary care, ensuring that decisions are made with a clear head and a focus on long-term well-being.
Moreover, these professionals can act as mediators, facilitating discussions that might devolve into unproductive arguments. Their presence can help maintain civility and respect during proceedings, which is crucial for families, especially those with children.
Protecting Children’s Interests
Children are often the most affected by family disputes and divorce. Family & divorce lawyers prioritize the interests of children, advocating for their well-being throughout the process. They work to ensure that custody arrangements, child support, and visitation rights are established to serve the child’s best interests.
These attorneys also help parents understand their legal obligations and rights concerning their children, promoting decisions that foster a positive environment for the child’s growth and development post-divorce or separation.
Navigating Legal Complexities
The legal landscape of family law is complex and varies widely from one jurisdiction to another. Family & divorce lawyers are well-versed in the specifics of the law as it applies to family matters in their area. They provide invaluable legal rights and obligations guidance, helping clients make informed decisions.
From filing the necessary paperwork to representing clients in court, these attorneys manage the legal intricacies of cases, ensuring compliance with all procedural and substantive laws. This expertise is crucial in avoiding costly mistakes that could negatively impact the case outcome.
Offering Objective Advice
Making objective decisions can be challenging in times of emotional turmoil. Family and divorce lawyers offer an outside perspective, providing unbiased advice considering the long-term implications of actions taken during legal proceedings. Their objective analysis can help clients see beyond the immediate emotional upheaval and focus on practical, constructive outcomes.
This objectivity is particularly important in negotiations and settlements, where emotions can cloud judgment and lead to decisions that may seem satisfactory in the short term but are detrimental in the long run.
Ensuring Fair Settlements
One of the primary roles of family & divorce lawyers is to ensure that settlements are fair and equitable. Whether it’s the division of assets, alimony, or child support, these legal professionals strive to reach just agreements that follow the law. They employ negotiation and mediation skills to advocate for their client’s interests, aiming for settlements that reflect the contributions and needs of each party.
Furthermore, by understanding the financial nuances of family law, they can offer advice on financial planning post-divorce, helping clients establish a stable foundation for the future.
Providing Support and Resources
Beyond legal advice, family & divorce lawyers often provide emotional support and access to additional resources, such as counseling services, financial advisors, and parenting classes. This holistic approach can help individuals navigate the personal challenges accompanying legal family matters, offering support beyond the courtroom.
Their support system extends to guiding clients through the labyrinth of adjustments that come after legal family disputes. For example, they can connect clients with specialized therapists who understand the nuances of post-divorce emotions or financial counselors who can assist in managing the economic shift following a separation. This comprehensive care underscores the multifaceted role of attorneys, emphasizing their commitment to the overall well-being of their clients, not just the legal outcomes.
Safeguarding the Future
Finally, the involvement of family & divorce lawyers is crucial in safeguarding the future relationships and structures of families undergoing legal disputes. By ensuring that the process is handled with care, respect, and fairness, these professionals help lay the groundwork for positive post-dispute family dynamics.
The role of family & divorce lawyers in navigating family dynamics during legal disputes is indispensable. Their expertise addresses the legal dimensions of these situations and the emotional, psychological, and practical implications. By understanding the complexity of family law, advocating for children’s best interests, offering objective advice, ensuring fair settlements, and providing support, these attorneys are essential allies in securing a constructive path forward for families facing legal challenges.
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