Boosting Confidence During a Divorce

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Boosting Confidence During a Divorce | The Divorce Magazine







































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How the Openshaws Prepared for Rainy Days Ahead

April Showers Brought May Flowers: How the Openshaws Prepared for Rainy Days Ahead 

by Nathaniel Butzke

    Just in time for the rainy season, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court shed new light on what it means to “live” a certain lifestyle as a married couple and how those habits should be reflected in post-divorce alimony. The case, Openshaw v. Openshaw (2024), revolved around a couple who, during their marriage, didn’t just focus on living well but also on saving wisely. When their marriage came to an end, the question arose: should their habit of saving be considered part of their marital lifestyle for the purposes of determining the appropriate amount of alimony?

    The court’s answer was a resounding YES. In essence, the court argued that saving isn’t just a financial strategy; it’s a way of life. For the Openshaws, who enjoyed a generous annual income far exceeding their living expenses, setting money aside wasn’t merely about preparing for a rainy day. It was a consistent part of their lifestyle.

    The Openshaw decision clarifies a previously debated issue under the Alimony Reform Act.  The Young v. Young decision hinted at this possibility by limiting the automatic inclusion of future increases in the payor’s income and highlighting the importance of the marital lifestyle at the time of the divorce as the appropriate benchmark for setting the amount of future alimony.  However, the Young decision didn’t go as far as defining savings as part of the marital lifestyle, and the pre-Act case of Cooper v. Cooper specifically overturned an “alimony award that exceeds current need, so as to permit accumulation of assets or savings for the future.”  It was a debatable question whether the “marital lifestyle” language in the Act overrode the Cooper limitation, until now. 

    The implications of this are significant. When determining the need for support, courts can look beyond current spending habits to consider the entire scope of how a couple lives. This includes saving for the future. This means that in divorces where both parties have the financial means, both can be expected to maintain not just the living standards they enjoyed while married but also the saving habits that were part of their marital lifestyle.


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Struggling With My Kid's Accepting My Ex's Affair Partner (Tamar Burris, Divorce & Parenting Coach)

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Natasa Stankovic enjoys a day out amidst divorce rumors with ..

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Natasa Stankovic, a Serbian actress, model, and dancer, has made a significant impact in the Indian entertainment industry. Known for her appearances in Bollywood films and reality shows, she has garnered a substantial fan following.

Career Highlights Natasa made her Bollywood debut with a special dance number in the film “Satyagraha” (2013). Her participation in reality TV shows like “Bigg Boss 8” and “Nach Baliye 9” showcased her versatility and endeared her to audiences. She has also appeared in various music videos and commercials.

Personal Life In January 2020, Natasa got engaged to Indian cricketer Hardik Pandya. The couple welcomed their son, Agastya, later that year. Natasa frequently shares glimpses of her family life on social media, delighting her followers with adorable pictures and videos.

Future Projects Natasa continues to explore diverse roles in the entertainment industry, balancing her career with her responsibilities as a mother and partner.

FAQs

  1. What is Natasa Stankovic known for?
    • Natasa is known for her work as an actress, model, and dancer in Bollywood, and for her participation in reality TV shows.
  2. Who is Natasa Stankovic married to?
    • Natasa is married to Indian cricketer Hardik Pandya.

Are Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Heading for a Divorce?

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It has been reported that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck might be heading for a divorce. Earlier rumors suggested potential issues in their relationship, and now more credible details have emerged.

Current Situation Reports indicate that there are significant differences between Jennifer Lopez, a top singer, and Ben Affleck, an Oscar-winning actor. While these reports are not yet confirmed, they suggest that the couple is considering a split.

Main Issues Sources say that Affleck feels “worn down” by the marriage, primarily due to lifestyle disagreements. As a father of three, he has reportedly “checked out” of the relationship. The couple’s demanding careers have also kept them apart, both physically and emotionally.

Lopez has been busy with her professional commitments, including her upcoming tour, “This is Me…Live,” which starts next month. The couple’s busy schedules and differing work obligations have contributed to their growing distance.

Communication and Differences Over time, Lopez and Affleck have struggled with communication, leading to frequent arguments. They have different approaches to handling common marital issues, which has further strained their relationship. Their differing views on finances and parenting have added to their marital woes.

Background Rumors of trouble began when Lopez attended the 2024 Met Gala without Affleck. Reports also suggest that they are living separately, with Lopez in Beverly Hills and Affleck reportedly house hunting.

The couple’s relationship dates back to 2002 when they first started dating and got engaged. They parted ways in 2004 but reconnected in 2021, marrying in 2022.

FAQs

  1. What other reports indicate that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are heading for a divorce?
    • Recently, Affleck was seen attending his daughter’s graduation ceremony without Lopez, fueling more rumors of a potential divorce.
  2. Which movie led to Ben Affleck’s success?
    • Affleck gained recognition with his role in “Dazed and Confused” (1993), which paved the way for his leading roles in various movies.

Why is Gray Divorce on the Rise?

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While divorce does not discriminate based on a couples age, it appears that the divorce rate of people over 50 is on the rise. Michael Hughes, Esq., an attorney-mediator at Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation, discusses this increase.

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Closure after a breakup: “I Want a Sit Down”

How many times have you heard someone say (or have you said it) “I need closure”? Is there anything that feels more cleansing to a person than to sit and tell your ex how you feel? Listen to how your ex feels? Perhaps apologize for things or get an apology from him? Express regrets/how you would have done things different or hear his regrets? Talk about what you learned, hear what he learned? Tell him how he hurt you and hear that from him, too? And perhaps even wish each other well? It’s called closure. Closure after a breakup is cleansing.

Why is closure after a breakup so cleansing?

1. People want to feel heard and validated.
2. You don’t want to guess what he/she is thinking, you want to hear it from their mouth.
3. One of you might not be over the relationship and you are saying “I want closure” as an excuse to work things out. You might not even consciously be aware of that.
4. You want your co-parenting relationship to be better. Maybe after you talk, the two of you can let some anger and resentment go.
5. You want to understand what really happened. For example, if he cheated, you want more of an explanation. You might not be accepting it yet, and you feel like the closure will help you.
6. The biggest reason people want closure in a relationship: so that they start to move on. Sometimes we need to hear or get that vibe from the ex that they are done. This hurts at first, (it kills, actually) but then, after that initial sting, you can move on quicker because he/she said it to your face.

 

Lisa Lisser, Divorce and Spiritual Coach, LZL Coaching

 

This article stems from a Divorced Girl Smiling reader who sent me this email:

I need some advice for closure after a breakup. My husband and I are divorcing after 16 years of marriage.

After our oldest son turned 1 the decision to stay at home to raise him while my husband rigorously pursued his dream of starting a company was made. 

Fast forward through the birth of our second child and the company thriving and then facing financial issues, life happened and he just wasn’t interested in being at home with the children or me for that matter.  I saw the writing on the wall and asked for a divorce when it became clear to me that there was always going to be something at the office or in his own personal life that was more important than being involved in our married and family life. 

There were nights when he wouldn’t return to our home until 2 and 3 in the morning.  Always with the same justification that he was at work.  My trust dwindled when I started finding evidence that he wasn’t being truthful or faithful for that matter.  Of course, he denied it.  Things came to a head, but he never wanted to talk about what happened between us and I feel that I need to release the feeling that I have about how things ended with us.  I approached him about just sitting down with me so that I could do just that and he gave me 5 minutes to say what I felt then walked out with his ear glued to his phone.

I want a sit down now that the divorce is evident.  It’s for me to tell him how I felt about everything now that much more has come to light.  A part of me feels that he won’t agree to a sit down because he won’t have to face my feeling and emotions.  But I need to do this for me.  I need to speak my truth to him because I still think about it.  What do you think?

My advice for this woman:

You can’t see this because of your emotions but from the outside looking in, here is what I see. Your ex is emotionally checked out. For some reason (and I realize it is beyond hurtful and awful and seems cold and evil), he’s completely done with your relationship and ready to move on.

 

 

In your email you write, “Things came to a head,” which I am assuming means that the feeling you had of his cheating proved to be accurate, and that the two of you decided it was best to divorce.

 

My question to you is, why do you feel you need/want the sit down, the closure? Is it because:

  • You want him back and want to try to work things out?
  • You want more information from him? For him to fill in the misses pieces of his story?
  • You are angry and want to vent?

Or, the healthiest/best reason:

You are trying to move on.

If this is the reason you want the sit down, then I can completely get it. Now, will your ex give you a sit down? Doesn’t sound like he is interested at this point. Who’s to say what will happen in the future? Maybe your divorce will hit him later (when his current relationship ends or when he’s had more time to absorb the reality) and then he’ll want to talk-maybe even reconcile. But for now, from the looks of things, he’s out. I’m sorry to be so brutally honest, but that’s how it looks to me.

What if you can’t get your ex to sit down and give you closure?

This woman’s ex might not give her the sit down and/or closure she wants, or if he does, the sit down might seem rushed on his part, or he might seem disinterested, since he is so checked out and might be giving her the sit down because he feels obligated.

 

The Essentials to Healing After Divorce - Mini Course

 

For those who want closure and feel like you can’t get it, I have a great idea! I think  you can get your same desired results of closure after a breakup by writing him a letter.* Write and write and write everything you want to say to him. And then, either give it to him or not. You might decide that simply writing the letter to him and stuffing it in a drawer gave you the closure you need to move on. Another option is just to save it. Read it again in a month, two months, six months and then give it to him, or you might laugh and be really happy that these feelings are so far in the past.

* a word of caution when giving your ex a letter. You might want to show it to your attorney so it doesn’t end up hurting you in court. It sounds callous but you must protect yourself.

 

In closing, I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people say, “I need closure.” I’ve said it myself so so so many times. I got closure in some relationships throughout my life. Other times, I got closure but it was years later. One time I got closure decades later!

Closure is soothing. We think it will help. It might, but it might not. Sometimes you have to accept that you might never get closure, and learn how to move on without it. If someone is unwilling to give you a sit down, then it might help speed up your recovery process, because I think it’s a lot easier to walk away when you know someone really doesn’t care. And who wants to love someone who doesn’t care? lYou deserve so much better.

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Jackie Pilossoph is the Founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, the media company that connects people facing with divorce to trusted, vetted divorce professionals. Pilossoph is a former NBC affiliate television journalist and Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press features reporter. Her syndicated column, Love Essentially was published in the Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press and Tribune owned publications for 7 1/2 years. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University. Learn more at: DivorcedGirlSmiling.com




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Sophie Turner Petitions Judge to Reactivate Divorce Case with Joe Jonas Amid Settlement Collapse

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Sophie Turner has petitioned a judge to reactivate her divorce case with Joe Jonas amid reports that their settlement has collapsed. This development comes as the couple faces ongoing challenges in their separation process.

Background of Divorce Proceedings

  • Marriage and Separation: Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas married in May 2019. Jonas filed for divorce in September 2023, citing irreconcilable differences after four years of marriage.
  • Initial Mediation Efforts: The couple engaged in mediation to resolve issues related to property division and child custody. Proceedings were temporarily halted under a consent order to allow for these efforts.

Recent Developments

  • Petition to Reactivate Case: Turner’s legal team has filed documents in Miami-Dade County, Florida, to reactivate the divorce case. This action indicates the end of the abatement period and a request to resume proceedings.
  • Temporary Custody Arrangement: The couple had previously reached a temporary custody agreement for their two daughters, Willa and Delphine. This arrangement may be reviewed and adjusted as the case progresses.

Allegations and Legal Disputes

  • Passport Dispute: Turner accused Jonas of withholding their children’s passports, preventing their travel to England. This led to legal action from Turner, alleging wrongful retention.
  • Resolution of Passport Issue: Turner withdrew her accusations in January following a mutually agreed-upon plan approved by a UK judge. This resolution prevented the reemergence of the dispute in future legal proceedings.

Marital Struggles

  • Personal Challenges: Turner and Jonas faced significant marital challenges, including balancing Turner’s desire to establish her own life and Jonas’s music career. They also dealt with media scrutiny and emotional strain from a distressing incident captured on camera.

Future Proceedings

  • Child Custody and Property Division: With the case reactivated, the status of the temporary custody arrangement will be reviewed. The couple will continue to address issues related to property division and the well-being of their children.

Conclusion

The reactivation of the divorce case signifies ongoing challenges in Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’s separation process. As proceedings resume, the couple will continue to navigate the complexities of their divorce, particularly regarding child custody and property division

Natasa Stankovic Drops Another Cryptic Post Amid Hardik Pandya Divorce Rumours: ‘Praise God…’

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Natasa Stankovic has once again fueled speculation about her rumored divorce from cricketer Hardik Pandya by sharing a cryptic post on Instagram. This marks her second such post amid growing rumors about the couple’s marital status.

Recent Instagram Post

  • Instagram Story: Natasa posted a video of a drive on the Bandra–Worli Sea Link in Mumbai with the caption, “Praise God,” accompanied by several emojis.
  • Previous Post: Recently, she shared a picture of traffic signs with the caption, “Someone is about to get on the streets.”

Context of Divorce Rumors

  • Marriage and Family: Natasa Stankovic and Hardik Pandya married on May 31, 2020, and have a son named Agastya, born on July 30, 2020.
  • Social Media Activity: A Reddit post highlighted that Natasa had dropped Hardik’s surname from her Instagram handle and that the couple had stopped posting pictures together.
  • Absence and Speculation: Natasa’s absence from Hardik’s IPL 2024 matches and their lack of public interactions have fueled further speculation.

Social Media Reactions

  • Fan Speculation: Fans and followers have been speculating about the couple’s relationship status based on their social media activities.
  • Trolling: Natasa faced trolling on Instagram regarding Hardik’s performance in the IPL, with derogatory comments flooding her posts.

Conclusion

While neither Natasa Stankovic nor Hardik Pandya has confirmed or denied the rumors, their recent social media activity continues to spark speculation about their relationship. Fans are eagerly awaiting an official statement to clarify the situation.