Divorce Financial Fundamentals

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Our DivorceTown USA® experts will help guide you through each stage of the divorce process, so you can confidently make informed decisions each step of the way and prepare for a more financially secure future.

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How To Survive An Unhealthy Marriage While Working To Make It Better

What do you do when it’s all falling apart and you feel as if trying to save your marriage is an uphill climb? What if you’re not fighting just the blues or boredom, but something more inherently problematic? Do you know how to survive an unhealthy marriage while also working to make it better?

Every couple wants the sizzle to last, even though they know that a certain amount of monotony will sneak in. That’s just the nature of familiarity and the price of being with one person for the rest of your life. 

All those crazy, sleep-depriving, romance-obsessed hormones have done their job. And, predictably, they eventually take leave and give way to sustainability. (Thank God!)

Before diving into tips for how to survive an unhealthy marriage, a few distinctions are in order

Just as with photography, the gray scale can make transitions in relationships so nuanced that you barely notice them. Even black and white have degrees of intensity, often noticeable only in direct comparison.

So, what’s the point of applying the science of art to the science (and art) of marriage?

If you’re going to work on making your marriage better, it’s important to recognize what needs work…and why

You don’t need to know exactly what the final edition will look like, as even that will constantly evolve.

You don’t even need to know all the details of how your marriage got to where it is.

But you do need to know where you are at this moment.

Recognizing and acknowledging your own feelings, behaviors, reactions, and choices will help you zero in on that gray scale.

Are you unhappy? Bored? Tired? Frustrated? 

Have you and your spouse stopped talking about anything but kids, work, and weather?

Do you exhale a big sigh of relief when one of you has to go on a business trip?

Do you and your spouse bicker, fuss, criticize, blame, and fight instead of cooperating and collaborating on mutual goals?

Has sex fallen into a bygone era?

Are any of the three Toxic A’s — affairs, addiction, excessive anger — present?

These are important questions that will help you determine if your marriage is unhealthy or toxic — or simply needing some spring cleaning and TLC.

Telling you how to survive an unhealthy marriage while also working to make it better is going to focus on (no surprise) you.

Click your heels together three times and repeat after me: “The only person I can control is myself. The only person I can control is myself….”

Does that mean you can’t talk about all those maddening, hurtful, selfish things your spouse does that are (obviously) at the root of all your problems?

Hell no.

What it does mean is that how you talk about them matters. 

And, more importantly, what you recognize in yourself — and how you change what needs to be changed — matters most of all.

This is about “survival,” right? And survival is about getting from point A to point A-½ with more hope than you had half a step ago.

It’s also about getting down to essentials: knowing what to let go of, what to keep, and what to seek.

And the easiest place to start is with “stop.” Stop anything that’s destructive, inflammatory, unkind, sarcastic, avoidant, aggressive (even passively), critical.

Behave as if everything you do is about how to survive an unhealthy marriage…even if you don’t stay married. 

Your goal may be to survive with your marriage intact, but, again, all you can control is yourself. 

So how do you want you to look/feel/behave as a relationship partner? If you were designing your ideal relationship, what would your contribution look like, regardless of your partner’s contribution?

Think back to when you were falling in love with your spouse.

How did you communicate? It was probably pretty easy and gratifying, wasn’t it?

You listened attentively. You weren’t threatened by a difference of opinion/feeling/need, but instead reflected upon the different viewpoint.

You likely accepted responsibility — both for initiating kind and loving gestures and for assuming responsibility when you were wrong.

You infused your relationship with far more positive than negative feelings and interactions.

You made time for your partner, even when it wasn’t convenient, because you wanted to be together. You also knew that quality time together was essential to the strength of your relationship.

You sought cooperative solutions. You intuitively recognized when your partner’s happiness or well-being was more important than having your own way. And you knew that compromise usually got you far more than what you wanted in the first place.

You probably also took good care of yourself, knowing that how you presented yourself was a gift to both your partner and yourself.

Before you assume that surviving your unhealthy marriage is all about you…well, you would be right.

And your spouse’s survival is all about him or her.

The point is, you have a choice at every juncture in your life. Every interaction is a fork in the road — a point of decision about what kind of person you are going to be. How do you want to feel about yourself and the power of your own choices to influence the quality of your life?

Only when you are holding up your own end of the deal will you be able to discern the salvageability of any relationship. 

And the big takeaway in that message is how incredibly powerful you are. You can effect change for the better, just as you can affect your marriage for the worse.

By committing to your own self-awareness and -improvement and communicating your concerns in a healthy way with your spouse, survival becomes possible.

And, assuming your spouse also wants to restore your marriage, survival goes from possible to probable. You can, believe it or not, fix an unhealthy marriage and get that loving feeling back.

The days of first falling in love may be over. Children, grandchildren, mortgages, losses, seeing one another at your worst — the challenges and mundane of life aren’t very infatuating.

But falling in love again — in a renewed, mature, sustainable way — is both possible and necessary. And, in the long run, it’s the key for how to survive an unhealthy marriage together.

I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a life and divorce coach who helps people, just like you, who are struggling with an unhappy marriage. For immediate help, you can download your FREE copy of “Contemplating Divorce? Here’s What You Need To Know.” And if you’re interested in working with me personally, you can book an introductory 30-minute private coaching session with me.

Looking for more ideas for what to do about your unhappy marriage? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Unhappy Marriage.


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Imran Khan and Jemima Khan Divorce | Imran Aur Jemima Ki Talaq Ka Qisa | Aaj Ki Khabar!

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Imran aur jemima ki talaq ka qisa aesa dardnak hai k sunne ke bad ap apne anso ni rok paien ge.

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How To Find Reasons To Be Happy

For all the reasons to be happy in this life, there are times when everyone struggles to find them. Personal losses, relationship changes, even too much status quo — they can all put a fog over an otherwise sunny disposition. 

We’ve all watched the human-interest stories at the end of the nightly news. You know, the ones that make you feel humbled by the ability of people who, in the face of tragedy, manage to stay happy.

The ones that make you want to be a better person and work on your own attitude because of someone else’s inspiring attitude.

The ones that make you remember your own childhood and the fact that children are inherently happy, even in poor countries

And every Christmas we are reminded by the Whos in Whoville that material possessions are just bonus to genuine happiness. They aren’t the reason for it.

What is essential can’t be taken — even by a grumpy Grinch — without our permission.

So what are you supposed to do when you find yourself overwhelmed by negative circumstances and emotions? Is it possible to be happy in the midst of loss, grief, injustice, and insecurity?

Sometimes the best way to start something is to stop something. When you don’t know exactly how to find reasons to be happy, stop doing the things that prevent happiness.

Living in the past, especially with regret; holding onto grudges and not forgiving; always striving for perfection. These are just a few of the ways that you can sabotage your own quest for happiness.

These negative mindsets can also blind you to the happiness that has already been present in your life.

The short-answer, fortune cookie wisdom to the search for reasons to be happy is that happiness is a choice. It’s a perspective that you choose as a constant in a life full of unpredictability and loss.

While there are many ways to go about building a happy life, there is a common thread that, in one way or another, underlies them all.

Gratitude.

While not considered a virtue in the biblical sense, gratitude is considered the highest of virtues in the moral sense. The Roman philosopher Cicero even called it the “parent of all other virtues.”

To be in a state of gratitude is to be in a state of awareness and celebration of the gifts of the present

To choose gratitude is to choose to seek what is good, positive, and possible in every moment, every circumstance, every person.

And, in the same way that two objects can’t occupy the same space at the same time, two thoughts can’t occupy the same brain space at the same time.

You can’t be busy looking for the good in the world and simultaneously stewing in anger or fear.  

Gratitude helps you find reasons to be happy because it’s a mindset of recognizing sources of happiness.

It’s what makes you slow down and consider the gifts of the moment. The breeze that just swept through your hair. The ladybug on a flower. A warm day in winter.

The stranger who smiled and waved. The just-because card in your mailbox. The forgiveness from someone whose feelings you had hurt.

The simple meal you made for dinner. The exhausting workout you had. The pound you lost. 

One more day of sobriety. Two bags of clothes cleared out of your closet. Three grandchildren coming to visit.

The reason gratitude is directly linked to happiness is that it puts a positive spin on the past, present, and future. 

Of all the things you could focus on in your past, gratitude will draw to mind all the ways you have been blessed. It will remind you that you have always been provided for, even against the odds.

And isn’t it amazing that you can, from where you stand today, transform the power of your memories of the past?

In the present, gratitude opens your heart and prepares it to see all that is good. It sets your radar on high alert for the infinite reasons for happiness.

Even when you find yourself confronted by negativity or injustice from other people, you will find the kernel of goodness. 

You will seek to learn something from those with different opinions and beliefs. 

And you will marvel at your own ability to allow love and respect to rise above the need to “be right” or win an argument.

All because your heart is aware of goodness. And your heart’s awareness becomes your mind’s attitude.

Gratitude can even shape your future by giving you hope and trust that good things will come. You have already conditioned yourself to know that you will find goodness because you always look for it.

I’m sure you want to know how to create a happy and healthy life for yourself. Who doesn’t?

But did you know that gratitude is directly linked to health, in part because it motivates you to do healthful things?

So, all those happiness-inducing activities like exercising, getting out into nature, and eating well are all rooted in gratitude.

The realization that life is a fragile gift not to be taken for granted is inspiration to take care of it. 

Happy people are more active and take better care of themselves. They feel better. Their pain tolerance is higher. They don’t become entrenched in little irritants.

Exercise, for example, releases endorphins. Endorphins make you feel happy. Feeling happy within yourself makes you want the world to feel happy, too.

via GIPHY

And, as is always the case with doing good things for yourself or others, goodness begets goodness. 

Wanting others to be happy and healthy energizes you to reach outside yourself to help them. It also requires that you want yourself to be happy and healthy too.

And, no surprise here, being generous and volunteering your time and resources eventually circle back to increase your own happiness.

Finding reasons to be happy doesn’t have to be an epic search for the Holy Grail. It’s a mindset, not a quest.

And nowhere is happiness more powerful than in the most mundane activities that make up the majority of life.

Sometimes happiness is as simple as singing a Disney song while doing the dishes, or feeling indulged by clean sheets on the bed.

And it is always as simple as prioritizing the happiness of someone else.

I’m Dr. Karen Finn and I’m a life coach. Schedule a 30-minute private consultation for support in putting together the pieces so you can create a happy and healthy life for yourself.

Looking for more information about how to live a happy and healthy life? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Building A Happy Life.


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Sharia law for Texas Woman Seeking Divorce | On the Homefront

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Sharia Law in the USA? Judge Andrea Thompson sends a Texas woman’s divorce case to an Islamic tribunal. Raymond Ibrahim explains what it means for America.

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50 Inspiring Journal Prompts For Self-Awareness & Growth

Wherever you are on your journey toward a “better you,” you know that change and growth aren’t easy. Sometimes just knowing where to start is the toughest part. Something as simple as inspiring journal prompts for self-awareness can make all the difference between staying stuck and making progress.

Working on yourself is a lifetime effort and commitment. But there always seems to be that chapter of life that could be subtitled “Self-Help.” 

You may delve into the reading, journaling, meditation, therapy, and support groups after a major loss or life-changing event. 

You may immerse yourself in the effort without realizing it, inspired by self-curiosity and a hunger for growth.

You may love the work. You may dread it. You may even wonder if there’s an end to the self-help advice and lingo that follow you wherever you go. 

And you would be right in line with all the reasons that self-awareness is a practice, not a destination.

But even a practice needs a starting point.

Journaling, for example, is central to self-discovery. Writing has a way of translating your subconscious to a conscious form that confronts you with otherwise hidden truths.

It’s a ritual that adds discipline to your life while giving you time with your thoughts.

And yet, despite so much to write about, even journalists get writer’s block.

Fortunately, you aren’t the first person to embark on the search for self. And you aren’t the first to wonder where to start.

When your mind can’t nail down an idea or thought to explore, it helps to have journal prompts for self-awareness on hand.

Here are 50 to get you started:

  1. What are 10 things for which I’m grateful?
  2. What are 5 things I think I’m good at?
  3. What are 5 things I think other people think I’m good at? Do the two lists match?
  4. What physical fears do I have (heights, tight spaces, airplanes, certain animals, crowds)?
  5. What fears about life do I have (health, talking in public, not being good enough, not having enough money, not finding love)?
  6. How are my fears holding me back? What things would I do if I weren’t afraid to?
  7. Where and when did I start having these fears? Did something specific happen to cause them?
  8. What is the most courageous thing I have ever done? How did I feel afterward? And how did it change my life?
  9. What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me?
  10. What is the kindest thing I have ever done for someone else?
  11. What habits do I have that don’t serve me well? When and why did I develop them?
  12. How would my life look if I stopped 3 of my worst habits and replaced them with good habits?
  13. What 5 things/people/animals do I love most in this world? How do I feel in and out of their presence?
  14. What negative mindsets do I need to release?
  15. What is one thing I deeply regret? What have I learned from it?
  16. To whom do I still owe an apology or amends? What is holding me back?
  17. Who do I believe owes me an apology or amends? Am I still holding a grudge?
  18. Am I taking good care of my body? If not, what are 5 specific things I can do to take better care of it?
  19. Who are 5 people I admire and why?
  20. Twenty years ago, how did I imagine my life today would look? Is my life better, worse, or just different than I had imagined? How so?
  21. How do I imagine my life looking 5 years from now? Ten years?
  22. If money weren’t an issue, what things would I do?
  23. If time weren’t an issue, what things would I do?
  24. What talent do I wish I had that I don’t?
  25. What talent do I have but not use to the best of my ability?
  26. Looking back, what advice would I give to myself on my high school graduation day?
  27. If I could change one thing about how I acted in an important relationship, what would it be?
  28. In what ways do I feel misunderstood by the world? What 3 things do I wish people understood about me?
  29. How would I most like to change the world?
  30. What causes me the greatest heartache?
  31. What do I love most about my home?
  32. What qualities do I look for in a friend?
  33. Do I like being around people?
  34. Do I need time to myself after work or being around a lot of people?
  35. How do I feel right now? How does my body feel? Do I recognize connections between what’s going on in my thoughts and what’s going on in my body?
  36. If I could talk to myself in the third person, what kind, validating, compassionate things would I say?
  37. What would the perfect day look like for me?
  38. What are 10 things I need to be happy?
  39. Am I comfortable asking for help?
  40. Do I believe I am a good person?
  41. If I were someone other than myself, would I want to be friends with me? Why or why not?
  42. How do I think other people see me?
  43. In what ways have I turned out “just like my mother/father”? In what ways am I different? What do I think of those similarities and differences?
  44. What hurt from my childhood has never been healed?
  45. Which of my responsibilities do I find distractions for? What feelings or outcomes am I trying to avoid?
  46. How do I handle conflict?
  47. What triggers me into arguments/conflict?
  48. What would help me feel less stressed on a daily basis?
  49. Do I like myself? Love myself? Enjoy time to myself?
  50. What makes me smile? What small thing can I do today to make someone else smile?

Somewhere near the top of this list of journal prompts for self-awareness you may have started making your own list. And that’s great! That’s the purpose of a prompt – to crack open the door so the light can flood in.

Journaling is just one of the ways that self-awareness can be developed. It’s intended to be liberating, without the guardrails of self-editing and critique.

(If you want or need journaling prompts in a guided-yet-freeing format, check out any of the colorful, fun, insightful books by SARK. Below’s a picture of 3 I have on my bookshelf.)

Self-awareness is a process, a practice, a journey of discoveries and choices based on those discoveries. 

As it deepens, it grows. And the journey, if you choose, lasts a lifetime.

I’m Dr. Karen Finn and I’m a life coach. Schedule a 30-minute private consultation for support in increasing your self-awareness (and maybe get a few more journal prompts for increasing self-awareness) so you can become more you.

Looking for more information about how you better know and accept yourself? You’ll find what you’re looking for in How To Be More Self-Aware.


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Private Life of Brandi Passante Divorce, New Partner and Untold Secrets

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This video reveals private life of Brandi Passante including divorce, her new partner and untold secrets.

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What happened to Brandi Passante from Storage Wars? Her Net Worth in 2021 & Married Life Explained
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What Nobody Ever Told You About Brandi From Storage Wars
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The Untold Secrets of Brandi From Storage Wars
https://youtu.be/YQnzjABlNxM

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7 Tips For Improving Self-Awareness

If you’ve ever sat on plastic-covered furniture — in shorts, during the summer, in a house with no air-conditioning — you’ll relate. And if you haven’t (you don’t know what you’re missing), run the image past someone a generation or two older than you. Beneath the chuckle and eye-roll, believe it or not, is an analogy for improving self-awareness.

For those too young to relate, think of Marie Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond. The only thing more outdated than her opinions and habits is her 70’s decor of harvest colors — including her plastic-covered sofa.

The absurdity and inappropriateness of her intrusiveness, self-righteousness, and shameless lack of boundaries are, of course, sitcom fodder. For Marie, the idea of improving self-awareness, even for the sake of improving her relationships, isn’t in her cosmos.

Tragically funny in sitcom life. Just plain tragic in real life.

And most of us know at least one person who seems devoid of all self-awareness — or at least complicit in their own arrested development. 

Can you believe her? Does she honestly have no idea? 

Does he ever look in the mirror? 

I can’t believe he still says racist things.

Does she not realize how rude her comments are sometimes?

Do they not realize we’re in the 21st century now?

For all the reasons that pique your suspicion of others’ self-awareness, one curiosity matters far more. Are you doing the work of improving self-awareness?

Ironically, your answer to that question is its own expression of self-awareness. Are you busy holding other people to a high standard instead of focusing on the work within yourself?

Is it possible to be too self-aware? Only if your awareness leads you to a hyper-self-vigilance and chronic evaluation with unrealistic expectations. 

Self-awareness isn’t about merciless self-scrutiny, but rather, recognition, learning, and growth. 

Can you be objective about your subjective self? And can you gauge the impression others have of you? 

Just as importantly, can you use that information, in conjunction with social norms and your own values and morals, to make constructive change when warranted?

Most of us could use some ongoing work in this area. And we could always benefit from helpful tips for improving self-awareness.

With that in mind, here are 7 to get you going.

  1. Meditate.

    Self-reflection is at the heart of self-awareness, and you don’t have to go on a meditation retreat to practice it. 

    Meditation is really about mindfulness, which is all about being “present” to where you are — physically, emotionally, spiritually — in the moment. You can just as effectively accomplish that by gardening or spending time in nature as you can “ohming” in the Lotus position. 

    The point is to center yourself in the moment and empty your mind of distractions so you can receive. 

    If you meditate as part of your faith, you may quiet yourself in order to “hear” the voice of Wisdom. 

    If you do it as a way to become grounded for the day, you may quiet your mind in order to receive guidance and clarity. 

    Whatever inspires you to practice a reflective discipline, you will be drawn inward. And that’s exactly where all the answers lie.

  2. Journal.

    You may feel so strapped for time that you can’t even make a grocery list, let alone write in a journal. But that can be your first (telling) journal entry: I always feel rushed and strapped for time. 

    Eight seemingly innocuous words that deliver a heavy dose of information. 

    What matters is that you create a discipline of “dumping” what’s whirling around backstage in your mind. Just write. Put your pen or keyboard on autopilot and corral the chaos of hidden feelings, racing thoughts, and observations. 

    Your subconscious mind is like “the great and mighty Oz.” It knows all. And it will happily tell all if you just ask it. 

    The other benefit of journaling is that it forges a positive habit through the discipline of self-examination and self-care. 

  3. Study The Twelve Steps.

    You don’t have to be an alcoholic, addict, or codependent to benefit from The Twelve Steps. As a matter of fact, the progressive nature of the steps — from awareness to admission to awakening — is all about improving self-awareness. 

    Making a “fearless inventory” of your wrongs, for example, isn’t easy. It takes inordinate courage and humility — two qualities that also show up in great leaders. 

    And the ability to make amends to those you have harmed throughout your life — again, the courage, humility, and fearless honesty! 

    Reaching the twelfth step is about recognizing your spiritual awakening and, from that awakening, helping others while continuing to apply the principles. 

    What could be a better testament to self-awareness as a practice and not a destination?

  4. Make a sincere apology.

    Whether you call it an “amends” or an “apology,” the ability and willingness to acknowledge your wrongs with contrition takes extraordinary self-awareness. 

    There’s a reason this 9th step of The Twelve Steps is so important to the recovery process. 

    Genuine regret requires more than “sorry.” It expects that the penitent recognizes the harm done and empathetically acknowledges its impact on the life of the one harmed. 

    The catch? You don’t know if the person receiving the apology will even care or accept it. 

    You also don’t know if you will be on the receiving end of forgiveness or a cauldron of anger and ill-will. 

    Your commitment has to be to clean your side of the street, no matter what the other person says or does. 

    How does self-awareness play into the moment? 

    Genuine remorse requires self-accountability with specificity. “Sorry for all the times I hurt you” doesn’t cut it. 

    When you hurt someone, you hurt them “with details” — details that get relived and felt, over and over. Your willingness to acknowledge those details and their damage demonstrates self-control and the grueling self-examination you did to get here. 

    Another reason this exercise is good for improving self-awareness is that you will inevitably have a lot of emotional and physical feelings. Recognizing them as they occur is the first step toward accepting and controlling them.

    And connecting those feelings to the context in which they occur will encourage you to change the behaviors that created that context in the first place. (This is the ultimate purpose of self-awareness: to use information gained to make positive change.)

    As you grow in self-awareness, you will notice that you make amends more quickly. And you will start catching yourself before you do something to hurt someone.

    The final step in this “drawing inward” is that you will change your thoughts, which will make apologies less necessary in the future. And that is the quintessential meaning of “cleaning up your act.”

  5. Ask a trusted friend for honest feedback.

    This can be a very positive exercise, even if you don’t like everything you hear. 

    Sometimes we are our own worst enemies, and we don’t always see the good that others see in us. 

    Of course, the same can be said for our faults. A little bit of pride and ego-protection can fuel a lot of denial. 

    We can easily (though unintentionally) lose our objective awareness of how others see us. 

    When seeking honest feedback on both your strengths and weaknesses, reach out to those who know you best and truly love you. 

    You don’t need flattery, you need friendship. And true friends always want you to have your best life…and be your best self.

  6. Do an inventory of your values and priorities.

    This isn’t a one-time exercise. It’s something you should do regularly — perhaps at New Year’s or on your birthday or even more frequently. 

    It’s also a wise thing to do when you have an experience that challenges the values you have always had. Life will do that. It’s constantly challenging us and keeping us in check. Do you really believe that? What about in this situation vs. that situation? What if it involves a stranger instead of someone you know and love? Why and how did you come to this conclusion? 

    Some people are afraid to give themselves permission to change their values or even “update” them. But growth is a form of change. And, as the saying goes, when you know better, you do better. Hopefully.

  7. Revisit your goals…and set new ones.

    In the same way that your values can change, so can your goals. 

    Your moral-compass values may undergo more “refinement” than all-out change. And the same can be said for your goals. 

    So why bother making a new list if it’s going to be “generally the same”? 

    Because setting goals is really an expression of what matters to you. And what matters to you is an expression of your character — who you are at your core. 

    Revisiting your goals and even setting new ones require you to do an honest appraisal of how you want to spend your time. And how you spend your time is a statement of your values and character. 

    It’s realistic to expect that your goals will change as you age, for example. Physical and financial ambitions may gently surrender to less competitive and more altruistic desires. Even where you decide to travel can be a reflection of evolving and improving self-awareness.

There are countless ways to start improving self-awareness. By “being aware that you want to be more aware,” you will aware of the myriad opportunities and inspirations for growth that surround you every day.

And that’s an evolution — and journey — that should continue for your entire life.

(Just be sure to take the plastic off the furniture.)

I’m Dr. Karen Finn and I’m a life coach. Schedule a 30-minute private consultation for support in increasing your self-awareness (and maybe get a few more journal prompts for increasing self-awareness) so you can become more you.


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Alternative Divorce Guide USA

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US: http://divorceinabox.us/

(UK: http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com)

Get the dependable answers you need:

PRIVATE
POSTED TO ADDRESS OF CHOICE
CONFIDENTIAL

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US: http://divorceinabox.us/

(UK: http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com)

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