No one commits adultery without first being able to justify their reasons for doing so. The problem with such justifications is they are falsehoods, a way of engaging in bad behavior without having to think about the consequences of the adultery to others.
The adulterer lives in a mythical, storybook world. The realities of their actions are far different than the “reality” they create to justify the adultery.
Adultery Causes Emotional Pain
Myth 1.
If my spouse finds out about the affair, she will get over it. My spouse ignores my needs, shows me no affection, and acts as if she no longer cares. If she no longer cares, the affair won’t mean anything to her. This is mystical thinking because, unless questioned, the adulterer has no idea how their wife will react to them cheating.
Reality:
When a spouse is cheated on, there are feelings of betrayal, depression, and anger. A spouse will feel second-rate and undesirable. She will question her worth and value as a wife. A wife is emotionally harmed by adultery whether the cheater believes she is still invested in the marriage or not.
A victim of cheating will get over the betrayal of adultery but only after much suffering. Adultery hurts and can cause severe psychological damage. There is also a loss of trust and faith in the adulterer. So much so that it makes surviving adultery close to impossible.
Not only will a wife be injured by the adultery, but anyone close to you to the cheater will be affected negatively. Children, family, and friends, all those who care about the cheater, will suffer if they make the choice to engage in an adulterous relationship.
An adulterer may feel that the benefit of adultery to them is worth the suffering of others. That is wrong! Adultery hurts and it is never OK to hurt another person.
Adultery Means Breaking a Promise to Your Spouse
Myth 2.
I’m no longer in love with my spouse; the marriage has been over for years. If there is no longer love, there is no longer a “promise.” The adulterer has divorced himself emotionally from the marriage. In the adulterer’s mind, this frees him up from any vows of faithfulness.
Reality:
Granted, feelings of love are an extenuating circumstance for vowing to be faithful to a spouse. Love is not the only circumstance, though and a lack of love for a wife is not justification for committing adultery and broken marriage vows.
There is more to consider than the adulterer’s feelings alone. If the wife still has feelings of love, the adulterer owes her consideration before engaging in adulterous behavior.
Until there is a divorce, you are still living inside the marital contract, and that means upholding the vow to be faithful. There is more to consider than whether or not the cheater still feels love for their wife.
Committing Adultery Makes You a Bad Person
Myth 3.
I’m not a bad person if I have a relationship with someone other than my wife. I’ve worked very hard to save my marriage. I deserve to be happy and have earned the right to be happy even if I find that happiness with someone other than my spouse.
Reality:
Adultery is unethical behavior. It is that simple. Sure, as individuals, we are free to define ethical behavior on our own terms. Most of us choose to live according to society’s rules as far as what is and isn’t ethical behavior.
Kindness, consideration, honesty, and respectfulness are all ethical behaviors. I think it is safe to say that society views a person who is faithful to his spouse as ethical and virtuous.
In other words, if you commit adultery, you are not a good man. If you remain faithful, you are a good man. In the throes of passion and emotional need, you may not put much value on how society judges you, though.
When the bloom is off the rose, and the affair has gone south, you can bet an adulterer will begin to once again concern himself with how his spouse, family, friends, and co-workers view him. It is best to consider the reality of adulterous behavior before an affair than get caught up in the mythical, storybook idea you’ll create to justify adultery.
FAQs About Cheating:
Can adultery be justified?
Adultery cannot be justified under any circumstances. Adulterers, however, will always try to justify why they commit adultery by giving false reasons. It’s a way for them to justify their bad behavior without considering its destructive consequences.
Do adulterers believe their wives will forgive them for their affairs?
Adulterers believe that their wives will either never find out about their affairs or forgive them if they do. In essence, an adulterer has no clue about how his wife would react when she finds out about his adultery.
Do adulterers blame their wives for their actions?
The adulterers blame their wives for their actions, stating that their wives have been ignoring their needs. They create these justifications in their heads so they could commit adultery without feeling any guilt.
What happens to a spouse when cheated on?
A spouse when cheated on will first feel shell-shocked, confused and angry. She will struggle to find out why her husband cheated on her and think that she is not desirable or enough. An adulterer will emotionally harm his wife, and damage his relationship, at times, beyond repair.
Does adultery cause psychological damage?
Adultery is one of the most common reasons for women to file for divorce because it causes physical and psychological damage to the spouse, who has been cheated on. In most cases, surviving adultery becomes an impossible task.
Do adulterers end up damaging their family?
Yes, adulterers not only hurt their wives but also their children, family and friends as he robs them of their trust.
Can adultery be justified because of a bad marriage?
Most adulterers justify their behaviors by creating this false impression in their minds that their marriage has been over for years because it’s devoid of love. They think they can commit adultery because they are no longer bound by the vows of faithfulness.
Is an adulterer a bad person?
Whatever be your reasons, you are not a good person if you commit adultery. Adultery is an immoral and unethical behavior, which causes pain and hurt to people around the adulterer.