Recently I re-interviewed “David” the man whose powerful story appeared in Chapter 9 (“Male Victims of Abuse and Betrayal”) of my book, The Life-Saving Divorce. I wanted to see how he and his kids are doing after their long custody battle and David’s remarriage. David wanted to take the high road in his divorce, but how do you co-parent with a destructive ex? That’s what PART 2 is about.
BACKGROUND:
David was brought up in a high-achieving conservative Christian homeschooling family. He was taught the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” purity culture formula for courtship and marriage, which is well-intentioned but often results in pushing young people to marry young and to ignore danger signs.
David was a good kid from a loving home who had a great relationship with his parents—and followed all the rules, including courtship formulas that promised marital success in his faith community.
In PART 1 he talks about the dangers of being brought up complementarian, and never taught what to do when you’ve gone several stages down the courtship path and notice serious red flags in your fiancé.
He discusses the outward signs of holiness that were supposed to guarantee a good marriage but in reality distract young people from focusing on integrity, intimacy, respect, friendship, and authenticity.
Although his first wife was known to be deceitful and unstable prior to their wedding (something other people had warned him about), he was given assurances by his faith community that all would be well because she met the litmus test of wanting to be a traditional stay-at-home mother.
These teachings propelled him to wed a destructive woman who was manipulative and coercive. After many years and three children, she eventually drove him to despair and depression, falsely accusing him of a felony, resulting in his arrest (and later exoneration).
He talks about trauma bonds, and the therapists who saved his life and helped him see the truth about love addictions that cause a person to debase themselves to keep the relationship. He also discusses his strong faith in God today, despite his wife lying and moving the children to another state and the year-long legal battle to get them back. Find out why he was given sole custody by the court, and why he volunteered to share custody with his ex-wife anyway.
In PART 2:
2:00 – We discuss why David decided to share custody with his ex-wife, despite a year-long expensive custody fight; and how the court put safeguards in place for the future. (David says up front: Don’t do this if your children are in danger.)
39:00 – We talk about men who are “love and relationship addicts” and how he got the courage to start dating again.
40:10 – How did David approach online dating?
41:15 – How did he take red flags more seriously, and how did he come to believe that his new wife was someone he could trust?
54:00 – How does he and his new wife cope with the high-stress world of co-parenting with a difficult ex.
David’s story Part 1 – https://youtu.be/23NBi6GKqUA
Part 2 – https://youtu.be/OVCex0FkO7g
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ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, “The Life-Saving Divorce” is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children’s future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, “gaslighting,” the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSED/BETRAYED HUSBANDS, read Chapter 9 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What’s a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
How to Get the Book, “The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships”
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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