Divorced Girl! 15 Self-Confidence Boosters


This article comes from the bottom of my heart. Being newly separated or newly divorced can play a huge role when it comes to self-confidence. Going through a divorce can cause even someone with normally great self-esteem to have self-doubt and insecurities. The good news is, the lack of self-confidence is temporary a lot of times.  The key is, making sure you don’t forget how amazing you are. So, for now, I want to offer 15 self-confidence boosters as a reminder that that YOU ARE AWESOME!

Quick story: A woman recently came up to me at a restaurant and said, “I love your dress.”

I replied, “Oh, thank you. It wasn’t expensive at all.”


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“Well, it looks really good on you,” she said.

“Really?” I asked.

Now why would I act like that? Instead of an uncomfortable reaction to not one, but two compliments, the best answer would have been, “Thank you so much!” Period. Listen to the compliment and believe it!

I realized right then that I am like countless other women in society who don’t know how to accept compliments, and who lack self-confidence. I really think that one of the most important things to being happy in life is loving yourself and being proud of who you are and the way you live your life. Self-confidence comes from things you do for your physical appearance, but it also comes from what you give back to the people you love and to the world.

Here are 15  self-confidence boosters:


1. Clothes that fit well.

It took me a long long long long time to accept my body. Seriously. I have been a size 12 and a size 6 and every size in between, and I was always critical of how I looked. As if no matter how much weight I lost, it wasn’t good enough. It went so far beyond my weight and size and has taken me until recently to just appreciate my body for its health, not its size.

This self-confidence booster comes from the mindset that size does not matter. Whether you are a size 2 or a size 16, you can look and feel beautiful in your clothing. The key to feeling great is wearing the right size. If you try to squeeze yourself into a size 10 pair of jeans and they feel tight and uncomfortable, you won’t feel half as good as if you get the size 12 and enjoy the fit.


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2. Shoes mean a lot.

Shoes can make a person feel sexy and pretty and happy and glamorous. And, they always fit no matter what.


3. Purses

A handbag can make an outfit. It can make you feel stylish and put together. Purses make me really happy. 


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4. Acts of kindness

Making others feel appreciated, loved and respected will make you feel that way about yourself. Bake something for a friend who is in the hospital, visit an elderly person, offer to babysit for a young mom, help a recent college grad with his or her resume, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or write a really nice note to a friend or family member.


5. Shapely eyebrows

Groomed, shapely eyebrows make a subtle but important difference, including but not limited to making your eyes stand out more. To quote the esthetician who threads my eyebrows, “Waxing isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.”


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6. An above and beyond attitude at work

Cutting corners, doing the minimum or just getting through each day at the office doesn’t make a person feel good. Offering to go the extra mile, being passionate and enthusiastic about what you do, and helping coworkers who might be struggling will make you feel like a really good person (which you are!)  If you are rolling your eyes, then you might need to change jobs. And, if you are thinking of going back to work after divorce, trust me, I did it and it changed my life for the better in way too many ways to count.

7. Lingerie

Pretty lingerie makes a woman feel sexy and young and desired. And, if you are subconscious about your body because you are older, there’s nothing wrong with keeping the lingerie on during sex.

8. Superfoods

Blueberries, kale, spinach, salmon, quinoa, broccoli, chia seeds and goji berries are just a few nutrient-rich foods that help people stay healthy and feel good. Their benefits include providing energy, aiding in digestion, and helping prevent chronic disease. When you feel healthy, it bleeds over to your self-confidence level!


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9. Lipstick

I wrote an entire article about the power of lipstick. It seriously takes 5 seconds to put on lipstick, and the benefits last for hours! Pretty lips can change a woman’s whole attitude, and her look, especially when she smiles.

10. Books and knowledge about current events

Reading – whether it’s a novel, nonfiction, or an online magazine will keep you educated and smart. Feeling smart equals self-confidence.

11. Girlfriends

They’re the first to let you know when you look fantastic and the first to tell you when you don’t. They have your back, they don’t lie and they want the best for you. Also, if they don’t like the guy you’re dating, there’s most likely a legitimate reason. There is no one like a girlfriend to boost your self-confidence.

12. Self-awareness

To be able to look in the mirror and see your faults and the mistakes you’ve made is a gift. Admitting you need to make changes is not only empowering, but it will lead to self-respect, which will lead to self-confidence.

13. Dating or being with someone who treats you well

Your partner needs to be all of these things: a supporter, a rock, a best friend, and an adoring lover. I’m not saying that people get their self-confidence from their boyfriends, but on the flipside, if you are dating someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, your self-confidence will undoubtedly suffer.

14. Exercise, yoga and meditation

Doing some kind of fitness activity on most days is more emotionally beneficial than you can imagine. Even if you work out for 15 minutes or take a walk around the block, it will make you feel great about yourself and your whole day will change for the better.

15. Being a great mom

Nothing fosters self-confidence and self-love more than being filled with pride about the kind of mom you are. Being a parent isn’t easy and no one is a perfect mom, but if you can go to sleep each night knowing you are doing everything you can to be the best mom and role model you know how, then you nailed it! And that feels pretty darn great inside, doesn’t it?


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers.

The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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