Going through a divorce can be a really difficult thing. Especially for your kids. Understanding your divorce from your kid’s perspective can be a gamechanger. Ultimately, your kid wants to feel seen, heard and less alone. You play a key role in this.
Why A Kid With Two Homes?
Growing up as a kid of divorce, I experienced firsthand many of the issues kids of divorce face.
What I found was that there were a heap of brilliant resources for mums and dads experiencing divorce, but very little specifically for the kids.
As a young adult I am inspired to fill this gap and provide a helpful resource to help kids of divorce feel seen, heard and less alone.
A Kid With Two Homes also offers a unique perspective for parents. It can help you:
- Better understand your kid’s thoughts and feelings
- Make your kids feel comfortable in both of their homes
- Ensure that your divorce does not have long-lasting negative impacts
Three Key Concepts to Help You Understand Your Kid’s Perspective
- Acceptance
Helping your kid accept and understand your divorce is imperative.
Divorce is not a singular event; it is an ongoing process.
Your kid will have to accept your divorce more than once. They will have to accept your divorce each time they move between houses. They will have to accept your divorce on significant days such as Christmas and Birthdays.
Helping your kid through this process through effective communication and comfort can help them feel less alone.
- Responsibility
As a kid of divorce your kid may feel responsible for a lot.
For example, your kid might feel responsible for:
- Your divorce
- Your happiness
- Spending quality time with you
- Looking after their siblings
- Travelling between their two homes
- Communicating between you and your co-parent
Reminding your kid that your divorce is not their responsibility is a must.
You can do this by directly telling them this. Yes, it may seem blunt and a ‘no-brainer, but this is a really important message that you should convey.
Helping your kid focus on:
- What they can control and;
- What they can’t control
Can really help them understand their role in your divorce.
For example, your kid can control their own happiness, they cannot control yours. Communicating this to your kid can help them positively manage their fears and anxieties.
- Communication
Effectively communicating with your kids can help them manoeuvre through your divorce positively.
Effective communication includes:
- Being transparent
- Being honest
- Effectively listening
Answering your kids questions transparently and honestly can help them better understand their place in this world.
Equally, asking the important questions that you may be scared to hear the answer can help you understand how you can effectively help your kid through your divorce.
If possible, effectively communicating with your co-parent can take a lot of pressure off of your kid. Your kid is not your messenger.
Practical Tips?
Logistically, going between two homes can be difficult.
Ways in which you can make this easier for your kid include:
- Having a safe space for your kid at your home, this will often be a bedroom;
- Ensuring that you have all necessary toiletry and sanitary products;
- Having any necessary chargers;
- Organising how your kid will get to your home so they don’t have to organise it themselves;
- Helping your kid pack their bag and any necessary clothing items.
Reach Out to Me!
Because your kids’ perspective matters.
You can find my blog at: www.akidwithtwohomes.com.
Please feel free to email me at: akidwithtwohomes@gmail.com.
You can also follow me on Instagram: @akidwithtwohomes.
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