If it’s even harder than you thought, please read this. — The Dynamic Divorcée


It’s Christmas morning here at The Dynamic Divorcee, and, in the midst of my coffee and baklava, I felt compelled to grab my laptop and write.

I know that you might not be having the kind of holiday season that you’ve wished for — and I just don’t want it to be that way for you, if I can help it.

I’m hoping it might make you feel a tiny bit better to think about what’s good about all this.  So, here’s just one little thing. (I *know*, but please give me a chance.)

It’s not supposed to be perfect.  There is no perfect.  It’s just a day on the calendar.  Some years it feels pretty wonderful, but other years, you just want to stay in bed (which I heartily recommend, if your situation allows it).

What makes us have such outsized expectations for this day?  It’s the media and commercialism, ladies!  In your heart, you don’t have to compare your holiday to what everyone else is doing.

This is about you, and about the people in your life who you love and who make you feel good about life.  Nothing else.

It’s about finding those tiny moments of hope — however that makes sense to you.  Not about doing things that make you feel exhausted, depleted, depressed, and not enough.

Christmas is a time when the sun begins to come back to Earth, when the days begin to get a little longer, when we start to think about the possibilities of a new year.

It’s really and truly not about pacifying people who bring you down, or about conspicuous consumption, or about boat loads of gifts — and the letdown that accompanies all of this.

It is what it is, and that’s okay.  It’s more than okay, it’s normal human life.  

You are the real Christmas.  The beautiful, the sad, the longing, the moments of unexpected generosity and thoughtfulness, the dreams that may have to wait until next year (there can be excitement in waiting and planning) — all of it.

So what if, this Christmas, you let this be a reset of expectations — a reset that you can keep with you for the rest of your life.  It’s what you want it to be.  It’s about what makes this day feel special to you — and that might mean a holiday season that looks very different from what everyone else thinks it should be.

You are valuable.  You are precious.  You are the holiday spirit (and sometimes that holiday spirit has tears, or isn’t in the mood, or needs a long winter’s nap).  You are the gift of Christmas.  In being real instead of gift-wrapping ourselves, we give others permission to do the same:  Letting them know that it’s okay to just be true to whatever they’re feeling — even at Christmas, girls!

My wish for you is that you breathe, relax a little, and are open to let in the moments of happiness that occur today.  I promise that there will be at least one moment of feeling loved and understood — and perhaps many moments.

I am thinking of you, and holding all of you in my heart this Christmas Day.  

Remember, it’s okay to make today as non-Christmas-y as possible, if that helps.  Tomorrow, this day will have passed, and you’ll have made it through!  You’ve already made it!

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